How to Read a Room
Typically, pieces on “body language” are focused on how to get a date or climb up the corporate ladder. I have found it useful in some outside the box ways as well.
I have spent most of my career in one form of negotiation or another. Whether it has been providing a crisis intervention with an irrational individual or negotiating contracts that legally bind the state to a particular level of service. Or negotiating with colleagues about the best course of action. The most useful tools I have had in these interactions have been two-fold. The first is the solid understanding of underlying individual temperament. The second is ability to read and interpret non-verbal communication, or body-language.
Although, some of my work in this field has been of an academic nature, the largest portion has been in “field-work” testing and refining techniques. Much of which I learned at the feet of a United States Army, Master sergeant who was extremely adept at interactions spanning enemy engagement to interacting with the political elite.
You may map out your field of action but the value of your map will be diminished if you do not do everything you can to know those with whom you are working and against whom you are competing.
Here are ten tips I’ve found extremely useful. Poker players would call them “tells,” psychologists would term them manifestations of our subconscious minds trying to communicate what we believe to be the truth. Behaviorists would say they are learned actions which have given us desired results in the past. The truth is probably a Venn diagram blending the three.
1. Body movements indicating interest.
The listener leans toward the speaker.
The listeners head slightly tilted to the right.
The listener attempts to secure and maintain eye contact.
2. Body movements indicating that a person is more open to agree with you.
The listener nods his head.
The listener mirrors the speakers body movements.
The listeners’ lips are closed, but without tension.
3. How to know if a person is thinking.
The listener places an index finger alongside their nose.
The listener cups their chin in their hand.
The listener strokes their chin or beard.
4. Body movements indicating frustration or dismay.
Widening of the listeners eyes.
Raising of the listeners eyebrow.
Slackening in the listeners jaw.
5. How action-oriented people act or move. These may be the easiest type to misinterpret.
Kinesthetic people will display a lot of movement, such as pen clicking.
They will constantly move or adjust items about their person, such as a tie or collar.
They will often sit very far forward on their seat.
6. How to know if a person is keeping a secret.
Awkward uses of humor, in an attempt to distract.
Unwillingness to make eye contact.
Frequent changing of the subject.
7. Body movements indicating boredom
Resting of the chin on the fist.
Deep sighs.
Massaging of the forehead.
8. Signals conveying excitement.
Increased rate of breathing.
Frequent trips to the restroom.
Frequent drinking.
9. How confident people act or move.
They hold their gaze in the invisible triangle made from eye to eye and down between the nose and chin (especially in social situations).
The head will be held up and erect.
10. Signals exhibiting authority or power
The shoulders will be back.
The chest will be out.
All movement will be open and decisive.
It is extremely important to understand that the majority of this information is based on the interactions with the western culture. My travel in Japan and Mexico, demonstrate many modifications and variations of these observations. Furthermore, these are gender specific to males. Female subjects display many parallel techniques for communicating similar messages.