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This article continues a series on the increasing number of requests for counseling I recieve during the holiday seasons. As always, I have edited the material to maintain confidentiality as well as to make the content more clear to you as the reader.

The request begins.

“Dear Dr Adkins,
I am about to face a supervisor (in a meeting with her boss present as the MC) who has abused her authority and wronged me. She will apologize to me but she is a very insincere individual, what she did was not an honest mistake and she got caught doing it, not that she has remorse about the act. I don’t want to come across as a jerk for not accepting the apology but would be foolish to accept it since it is not sincere, timely and is only for the benefit of her boss. I am looking for a good reply, something along the lines of

Q: Would you accept my/her apology?

A: It is reasonable to expect someone to accept an apology if it is sincere, timely and is in regard to an honest mistake. So I’d much rather express hope that something good will come out of this and that in the future you will change your ways and will not treat people different for honestly expressing their opinion. And what is also needed is action on the part of the higher management to make sure those entrusted with supervising others cannot abuse their authority.”

With your background in temperament counseling, would you please tell me if you’d approach this differently and if yes, what do you think I should say?

Thank you very much!

Sincerely,

P. D.”

My response follows.

“Dear P.D,

Although, your question is brief I feel in order to properly address your request my response will more lengthy.

You pose a very interesting question. It is one I have dealt with in one form or another often in the past. Sometimes, I receive requests to help structure an apology someone has been required to make. Sometimes, I receive request like yours from someone you who is due an atonement.

My recommendation is look at the purpose of an apology.

A formal apology in and of itself is nothing more than an acknowledgement expressing acceptance of responsibility for inappropriate actions. It is my feeling that this type of apology holds little value other than placing on record a history of wrong doing committed by the perpetrator of the action. It seems from your letter that this may be the circumstances in your case.

On the other hand, a sincere apology isn’t really for the offended party at all. It is a way by which we examine our shortcomings and accept that we have wronged another. In this way we strive to make sure we don’t repeat our mistakes by wronging another in the future.

It seems to me your dilemma is more in the realm of forgiveness than in apologies.

Forgiveness is something victims of offence do for themselves. It is a way by which we unburden ourselves of the wrong done us so that we may move forward. It really isn’t about the offenders’ apology at all.

On the other hand, you must remember forgiveness is not forgetfulness. I have experience with many wrongdoers who are masters at seeking forgiveness from those whom they exploit only to go back and re-offend the injured again and again. In each instance the offended agrees to forgive and forget the wrong done them.

This is an enabling behavior on the part of the offended party. It is rather like having an alcoholic spouse who comes home and makes sick all over the house. The spouse at home who cleans up afterwards and pretends nothing ever happened is only enabling the other to continue on a path that is destructive for both.

Therefor, my recommendation would be to forgive the individual for your own sake. However, make certain that you make it clear your forgiveness though unconditional is not to be mistaken for situational amnesia.

Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to assist you in this situation.

Dr. Adkins”

P.D chose to implement my suggestion and offered me the following feed back.

“Dr Reg, I don’t know how to thank you for the superb answer you have given me! Thank you very much! Sincerely, P.D.”

It is all to easy to get caught up in the self damaging practice of holding on to hurts given by others. Forgiveness is gift the offended gives himself and shouldn’t be considered absolution for the offender.

I received the following request for help from an individual who felt their mentally challenged friend was trapped in an abusive relationship and she felt compelled to help if she could.

Here is her initial request edited for content.

“Here’s a dewsy…(long)

I’m trying to find help for my friend who is mildly slow, but married (not by choice) and has two kids. The husband is the abuser. She is scared of him. The husband is also their kids’ dad.

I’m K. I’ve recently moved 35 miles away from my old house where across the street from me, lived this friend of mine. Over there (last house) I used to be friends with a woman who is mildly mentally ill and is married (though not by choice-her mom made her marry him) with two kids.

First off, she tends to do what people in charge (to her) tell her to do.

Long story on that, but here is what recently happened.

Well, my 2 kids would always play with her 2 kids and vice-versa. It was a good relationship amongst the kids and I’d always keep an eye on the mother over there for if she needed anything, besides she’s lonely and sad, and feels like there’s no hope.

Her husband is sexually & verbally abusive to her — and verbally abusive to the kids, and abusive period. Although I don’t think he’s ever hit anyone.

She doesn’t want to be with him but even though I’ve given her some possible alternatives, she must not think she’s capable of going through change or seeing what her options are, and she’s scared of him anyway.

What happened is this: We (me and my kids) were over there visiting and we went to the park. Her kids asked to come to our new house and spend the night and visit with my kids. I said okay, and asked their mom if it was alright with her and and her husband.

She said yes. To double check I asked if she were sure. She said it would be okay.

I dropped her off at home (from the park), and me and all the kids came back to our house for the night. The kids had a good time. I took her kids back to their home the next evening.

Well, she acted kind of strange. She didn’t talk, and she usually talks a lot to me. The husband was home but wouldn’t come out. Not even to say hi. He just sat at his computer. Anyhow, I left.

About a week or so later, I tried to call and her. I rang her late at night but there was no answer, though it was a bit past 10. Then I rang her phone the next day, and it went in to automatic voice mail for screening, not even a ring, and it’s been doing that for 4 weeks since.

She would never do anything like call screening. She really doesn’t know how to do it (or read or drive). The idiot husband does. Besides, she likes any time I call, since she considers me her best friend.

I think he got pissed when she made a decision and let the kids come over. Then he and programmed or took her phone.

So now what? Does this mean I can’t even be friends with her or check on her from here because of her husband?

I can’t stand that guy.

What should I do?

The man is an abusive ass.

It’s typical behavior for someone like that to want all the control, I guess.

I’ve said to her in the past, to see if she can seek some kind of assisted living or something just to get away from the dumb jerk.

Maybe she’s afraid for her kids or afraid of losing them? I don’t know.

Any opinions out there?

Is there anyway I can help her? Or no?

I’m going over there on Thursday and I wonder what will happen.

I guess I can check on her–see what’s going on.

So, Dr. Reg , it’s like this.
I wonder if she is incapable of asking for help.

Either she will or she won’t. That’s her choice. But I think she’s too scared to ask because he’s abusive. She’s so scared of him.

I just think that with all the help that’s out there, her life could open up and be so much better. She could be so much happier. She’s quite smart, but just slow, and being abused.
I’m wondering why there is not more help for the mentally ill. Don’t they have rights? Can no one offer them protection if they cannot protect themselves?

I’ll be careful if I see her on Thursday, so as to still be her friend. But if he’s taken her phone, what’s the sense?

I’m 40 miles north now.

Do I ask her if I see her if she wants help? If she says yes, what do I do?”

My answer.

“First, I would caution you about the extremely delicate nature of involving yourself in anyones marital conflict. Even trained counselors who are invited in by both parties do not have a 100% success rate.

But, if you feel compelled to try and help, I would offer you the following suggestions.

It is best to ask if she would like help. But you must be prepared with a specific suggestion if she responds in the affirmative.

My first suggestion would be to contact the school she graduated from. The Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA) requires the all such persons educated in the public school system have a case manager (usually a teacher) and access to a School Social Worker.

Explain the circumstances of your friend once you are in contact with the social worker. He/She won’t be able to give you any information but they may be able to do a follow up.

If that fails contact your local social services office and speak to a Social Worker there.

Do this before you offer help to your friend so that you will know what her options are.

I wish you peace and grace.”

Her follow up question.

“Thank you, she’s been out of school a long time and I’m not quite sure she graduated. Maybe she made it to 8th grade or something like that. She’s about 34 now anyhow.

Or maybe I could try mental health dept.”

My follow up reply.

“It seems social services might be your best resource at this time. A licensed clinical social worker has training and access to resources that you may not have available.

I hope all goes well.
Dr. Adkins”

As you can see, it is not always possible to offer a Dr. Phil style glib response to solve problems. Often complexities of relationships take detailed analysis and temperament exploration to find the core of a problem.

In any case, third party interventions are rarely successful. The elemental truth of relationships is that the persons experiencing the turmoil need to be the ones seeking help if the help is to be effective.

No offense intended to Dear Abby of course.

As I have been working in the field of maladaptive behaviors for many years I occasionally encounter persons with diagnosed bi-polar disorder (by the way bipolar is not multiple personality disorder) that are struggling to understand the stages and ramifications of their wide mood swings. The following is a sample of one such request for assistance I received and the suggestions I offered.

Keep in mind, I edit all material to maintain the anonymity of the individual and to clarify the content for the readers.

“I could really use some suggestions on dealing with explosive rages. It’s me having them. I’m bipolar. It gets out of control almost every time. Afterwards I feel ill and drained. Aggression being one of my triggers it happens a lot. Some advice would help.”

As it was obvious this person was suffering greatly, there was no way I could decline to offer them what assistance I could.

The following is my response.

“I’ll will be glad to assist you if I can.

Before I offer suggestions, I must remind you that any diagnosed medical condition including bi-polar disorder should be closely monitored by a medical doctor. I am not a medical doctor. My doctorate is in counseling, not psychiatry.

With that in mind, I would be remiss if I did not advise you that many people suffer from emotional turmoil in the time of year surrounding the holidays.

Without more detailed information I can offer you the following strategy designed to assist you in recognizing an escalation cycle.

Stage one: Anxiety. If you find yourself behaving in a way that is not your “usual” it is a stage of anxiety and you must be aware of it and monitor it. This is not only for downturns of mood but for unexplained “up” phases which indicate anxiety as well.

Stage two: Defensiveness. If you find yourself feeling interrogated by others, or perceive slights where none may be present this may be the initiation of the defensive stage.

Stage three: Refusal. At this stage you may notice your behavior shuns even the things you might, in retrospect, enjoy. Check your motivations and desires at this stage.

Stage four: Outburst. At this stage you may find that you have actually lost some rationality. You may lash out verbally or even physically. You best option is to temporarily remove yourself from any potential audience which might feed the flame of your outburst.

Stage five: Reduction. At this phase you may sense a reduction of tension and the ill and drained sensations you mentioned. This is a prime opportunity to reflect on the causal factors and develop a plan for addressing them should they occur again. Otherwise, the cycle is very likely to repeat itself.

Much of this technique relies on your individual temperament. Although, there is not space here to go into this with adequate detail, I invite you to explore the elemental truths of inborn temperament on my site Elemental Truths.

Thank you and good Luck.

Dr.Adkins”

Almost immediately thereafter the individual contacted me again with the following communication.

“Yes the seasonal thing is an issue. My husband is B.P. too. But, he hasn’t been diagnosed yet and I have little faith in the one who diagnosed me.

We’ve been spinning out of control for a year. Because of someone else we have been triggered non stop for a year, and now we’re at each other and we’re both scared of how to stop it.

Just now I am crashing after a bad swing, and we had a bad episode a few days ago. For the first time it was physical. Even though we adore each other.

It’s just that we’ve been pushed so far over the edge that now we’re after each other.

Yeah, I know. I need a doc. I don’t have the means. Assistance here is a joke. But I did try it once and it was all drugs and no real help.

The drugs won’t stop what goes on inside. So, we feel lost. The rages started getting worse and worse.

The stages you wrote down were profound. Almost scary in there accuracy.

Thank you for taking the time to help. I will try your site for more answers.

Thanks, again.”

At this point I offered a few more suggestions for understanding the development of extreme behaviors and the precipitating incidents as well as discussing the danger of self-diagnosis and closed with the following.

“I understand you are very troubled. But, you should take heart. Seeking assistance is a significant step.
I wish you the very best of health

~Dr. Adkins”

I recently received a request for assistance from an individual who was having difficulty with an old classmate who presented as a person with a high choleric temperament. The following is an overview of the exchange we had and the result of it.

I have edited the request for content and length.

“Hi Dr. Adkins

An old high school friend of mine (he & I are both 53) seems much different now. In high school he was a friendly, liberal, rebellious sort, not concerned at all about material things. He is now an RN with an RN wife and a doctor son presently serving a 5 year surgical internship. His daughter is now going to nursing school. He always talks about their education.

I obtained a Masters Degree in Oriental Medicine 5 yrs. ago and am an acupuncturist. He always seemed to enjoy sending me emails with jokes or videos poking fun at Oriental medicine, until I finally, eventually responded with a humorous video casting some fun at doctors.

Then, after a nasty remark about something I did in high school, he didn’t correspond for a couple of months. It was as if he was upset or trying to punish me or something.

I wondered, is he just a spoiled brat, who can dish it out but can’t take it?

I found it rather odd a person who’s been such a great family man, rearing up 2 responsible, professional children, can act in such a childish behavior.

He still phones me occasionally (usually after drinking) and seems very opinionated about things. He doesn’t like it when someone disagrees with his views.

It seems as he thinks he and his family are “nobles” now & they have the right to look down on most people.

He seems to relish in sending emails with pictures of his family going on cruises and vacations and wants everybody to know how much money they’ve spent on everything. He likes to have his picture made with popular people and sends the pictures to everyone (as is evident in by the multiple addressees in his emails).

I’ve become disgusted with him and am thinking in the future of only emailing him in return when he emails me. Then I will confine my email content to only briefly describing any changes in my life since our last communication, instead of trying to be humorous & friendly to him.

He’s the type that would deny or get upset if a person pointed out his actions that were bothering them, even if one would do so in a nice & polite way.

He has a strong ego. He once bragged about how many spankings he got in high school. He refused to pledge allegiance to the U.S. flag. Finally, the principal asked him if he would just stand with the rest of the class and not recite anything.

I would greatly welcome your opinion on my issue. What might you do if you were communicating with an old friend and found yourself in the same situation as I? Can you tell me possibly what might cause him to behave this way?

He was an “only child” if that might make some difference.

With best regards,

M.E.”

As you can see, this person is greatly distraught by what he views as slights and undeserved aspersions from someone he views as an old friend.

The following are my responses and suggestions.

“Hello M.,

Thank you for inviting me to share my thoughts with you. If you don’t mind I will speak to your question one section at a time rather than in its entity.

First, lets look at the status of the relationship. Being best friends 36 years ago isn’t the same as being best friend for 36 years. For many people high school is a time of emotional turmoil and there is a group survival mentality there that creates bonds between individuals who wouldn’t otherwise make strong connections. Which is not to say the connections are any less genuine but that they will always have the backdrop of that tumultuous time.

Education is a wonderful thing. But, as you know, much of the value of education comes from the connections made while you are receiving it. This is one of the few reason a degree from Harvard will open more doors than a degree from a state school.

I congratulate you on you selection of Oriental medicine and acupuncture. It is a brilliant field filled with mostly non-invasive procedures based on centuries of proven effectiveness. If only mainstream medical care had such a substantial history.

If you have read my work at www.elementaltruths.com you will be aware that I am a faith based counselor with an approach founded in the 5 underlying human temperaments (Choleric, Phlegmatic, Melancholic, Sanguine and Supine).

Your friend presents as a Choleric. This is a very dynamic temperament. These persons usually move through life by charging ahead, regardless of the opinions of others.

It is key to remember, they are rarely intentionally hurtful. They are simply so egocentrically focused that they are completely oblivious to the possibility something they do may be detrimental or hurtful to others. It just doesn’t occur to them.

Allowing their insensitive behavior go unchecked is rather like cleaning up after a sick drunk and pretending nothing happened. They are never confronted with the natural consequences of their behavior and they are thus enable to repeat it.

As an acupuncturist you will understand that some energy is only responsive to energy that is its equal.

This is the position you should consider.Take the higher moral ground. At the next incident of maladaptive behavior on the part of your old class mate take immediate decisive action. If an offensive e-mail or telephone call comes, take a calming breath and tell him “I find this offensive. Was it your intention to offend me?”

One of two things will happen. He will recognize you are an equal and will adjust his interactions accordingly. Or, he will become abrasive and you can feel justified in directing him not to contact you again until he is ready to interact in an acceptable manner.

In either case, your situation will be resolved with little emotional injury to you or you former classmate.

On a personally note, I have seen you situation replayed on more than one occasion, but never so clearly stated as yours. Would you be adverse to my using the scenario (without names of course) on ElementalTruths.Com as a teaching tool to help others who might find themselves in like circumstances?

I wish Great Peace and Grace.

Dr. Adkins”

The reply to my request was that M.E. authorized me to use the incident in any way I felt might be helpful to others.

Have you ever found yourself in similar circumstances as M.E.? How did you handle the situation?

In the end, we must remember others have the power to cause us emotional turmoil only if we allow them that power.

Indicator	Sanguine Entertainer	Choleric Ruler	Melancholic Computer	Phlegmatic Supporter	Supine Servant
Behavior	creative, warm, charismatic, energetic	controls, dictates	attentive to details, systematic	agreeable, personable, friendly, caring, helpful	highly aware of and responsive to need in others
Under Pressure	loud talk, fast talk, comply	yell, blow up, bully, throw tantrums, take pot-shots, display arrogance	become silent, flee, withdraw, autocrat	submit, accommodate, gunny -sack, passive -aggressive	fearful, yet diligent
Payoff	Communication, attention, compliance	feel superior, dominate others	consistent, well prepared	illusion of harmony, never take risks	finds fulfillment in serving others
Strength	people oriented, persuasive, verbally skilled, optimistic	decisive, GTD, self -confident	accurate, factual, precise, organized	likable, loyal, team player, steadfast, patient	driven to serve, enjoy people, gentle spirit
Weakness	egotistical, lack follow -through, flighty	intimidating, alienating	stubborn, boring, aloof, unimaginative	indecisive, dawdler, gullible, uncommunicative	indirect behavior, harbor anger, hurt feelings, feeling powerless
Needs	popularity, warmth, social recognition, emotional connection	control, power, to be right	controlled environment, security, order, continuity	security, connectivity, belonging, to please others, predictability	acceptance, acknowlegment, self -direction
Successful Interaction Tools	flexibility, enthusiasm, listening, visuals	support, directness, business like, task orientation	step by step, facts, logic, structure, tie new to old	casual, informal, listen, lessen pace, goals, personal development	build on relationships, provide acceptance

The table above is designed to provide and overview of the behaviors typically displayed by individuals of each temperament under the listed circumstances. Although, it will not provide a complete picture of the temperament of the individual (a temperament analysis would be needed for that) it will provide a lens through which to view these behaviors as they are displayed.

As you can see the margins are out of alignment. I have done what I could to adjust the HTML code to conform the table to the structure of the web-page and even though it is not perfectly adjusted, I felt it was a tool of significant value to warrant its inclusion.

If you take the time to become familiar with this table I believe it will prove indispensable as a tool for understanding your own behavior, that of others and the personal and professional development of both.

If you find it useful, I would request that you add Elemental Truths to your bloglines reader and share links with others who you feel would benefit from it. As always, I invite you to comment and visit often.

Throughout the calendar year people experience a natural ebb and flow of emotions. During the bright sunny days of spring we feel energized and reborn. During the season of grey skies we often become so introspective that the over examined life brings on bought of self-doubt and down right emotional despair.

These are natural and to be expected. The surprising, even shocking, aspect is that most are unaware of the continuum of emotional distress that develops during the down cycles of these events. And the disastrous repetition of the cycles that can occur when those susceptible to the extremes of these cycles are unaware of how they develop and repeat in ever more emotional extreme pinnacles and depths.

However, forearmed with knowledge of development of these cycles provides us with a means of control.

The continuum follows the following pattern in all people and even though we may more readily recognize it in others, it is identical in ourselves and thus responsive to the same interventions.

ANXIETY

This is the initial level and is market by a change in behavior. Any change in behavior. For example, a typically subdued person who begins to display highly social and interactive behaviors is no less impacted by anxiety than the highly social person who becomes withdrawn and sulky.

The intervention at this early stage is acknowledgement of the behavior and controlled redirection to deliberately move back to a more “normal” persona.

DEFENSIVE

At the onset of this stage a beginning of a loss of rationality ensues. Often a tell tale sign of questions designed to challenge rather than seek information are characteristic at this stage. An examples might be, “why do you say that?” or “so, what?” The questions become more inflammatory from this point.

Proactive techniques would be an awareness of the developing stage and a firm plan of defectiveness and action programed to implement.

OUTBURST

Whenever you see an adult display such an explosive behavior that you find yourself saying, “I just seen an adult throw a temper tantrum.” you will now you have just seen an emotional outburst. Extremes of the behavior may even become physical in nature.

If you find you are the individual exhibiting the behavior, your best course of action is to find your self a safe environment in which to experience the outburst and process throughout. If you find you are observing the behavior, do everything you can to remove the audience and insulate the individual from interaction with others.

EMOTIONAL BANKRUPTSY

If you find that you are the person experiencing the cycle you will easily recognize it. After all the withdrawals you have been make on your emotional bank you will find you have completely spent your resource. A sense of emptiness and remorse may be characteristic. Some may feel remorseful, apologetic or in the worst case scenario, resentful. Missing the opportunity at this tension reduction stage will often reset the entire cycle back to the anxiety stage.

If you are the individual experiencing this roller-coaster this is the time for reflection and building a positive approach to address your next cycle of anxiety. If you are observing the behavior this is an excellent time to build a rapport with the individual through which you may be able to defuse later incidents.

However, extreme care must be taken at this stage to insure you do not make excuses for your behavior, or ignore the maladaptive behavior of others thus enabling them to repeat the cycle without consequence.

Next we’ll take a look at how each temperament might experience and relate to each of these stages.

Follow this link to Enjoy the Card.

 

A while back Jason Drohn wrote a nice piece on the elemental character traits you must possess or develop in order to build a successful business. He combined two concepts of his own with three ideas from Seth Godin. Then I added a minor contribution of my own to create a nice even six.

They laid out like this:

1. The ability to abandon a plan (Godin).
2. The confidence to do the right thing (Godin).
3. The capacity to believe in other people (Godin).
4. The ability to create a vision (Drohn).
5. The ability to build a dream (Drohn).
6. The drive to keep moving forward, not matter what (Adkins).

Afterwards I had a lot of fun changing lenses to see how each of these would look to the varying temperaments. Here is a brief review of the concepts.

Choleric have a very difficult time abandoning plans, because they are typically the one who came up with the plan. They have made such an emotional investment, cutting losses is not an attractive proposition. In addition they are such driven people that developing a lot of confidence in others is also alien.

The capacity to believe in others is there, as long as the choleric selected those persons in the first place. In addition creating a dream and an executable vision is the bread and butter of the control driven choleric and they will excel in this realm. Also, the Choleric has an inborn ability to continue to drive forward toward a goal regardless of pitfalls and obstacles.

Sanguines have no difficulty in abandoning a plan. This is especially true if something new presents itself to occupy them. They definitely have the confidence to do the right thing. This confidence will boost even further if an audience is available to appreciate the sanguine is doing the right thing.

Cultivating a belief in the ability of others is a challenge for the sanguine not because they don’t think well of others but because they rarely think of others at all.

Creating vision, building dreams  and moving forward are tailor made skills for the charismatic sanguine who is always looking for the next great thing anyway.

The Melancholic will be able to abandon plans, have confidence in others and build great dreams with out difficulty because these things make no great drain on the limited energy reserves of the Melancholic.

Doing the right thing, building an executable vision and continuing to move forward are traits which require great discipline on the part of the Melancholic.  But, they can, if planned efficiently be done.

Phlegmatics are natural born supporters and once they have the big picture are proficient at executing all six of the prerequisite steps. Give a Phlegmatic a plan and they will execute it in a casual sincere way that brings a feeling of security to all involved.

The Supine will have difficulty abandoning a plan if someone they respect created that plan. Their fierce loyalty gives them pause at such junctures. They can whole heatedly invest their faith in doing the right thing and believing in others with whom they work. The Supine will go to great lengths to advance the dream and vision but they will feel more comfortable borrowing these elements from another in whom they believe than in generating their own. They will continue to move doggedly forward as long and the cause they serve continues to be a worthy one.

These are my views and I hope they serve you well.

 

Money is nice, but it won’t make you happy. I once met an extremely wealthy man name Kenny Stewart. Kenny had built a tremendous fortune in the MLM industry. He focused on the Amway plan and built an organization that brought him millions in residual revenue every year.

When he started with the organization he was a bankrupt building contractor.

Kenny was living the dream. Several big beautiful houses, motor coaches, cars, fabulous vacations the whole nine yards. At the time I met Ken he was in the midst of a divorce. Although, he was too much of a gentleman to speak in detail about his personal life he did make one statement that has stayed with me through the years. “Money can’t fix everything.”

Even though Stewart was making an obscene amount of money he could not reconcile his conscience to what he viewed as the inappropriate requirements for using the Business Support Materials (BSM’S) in the organization he had built.

What it amounts to is that we sometimes sabotage our own potential for achieving wealth.  And, we do so in such a subtle manner that we may actually delude ourselves into thinking we are working toward achieving wealth.

First, we may take on a job, contract, or position which provides a higher salary, because it provides a higher salary. This is a mistake regardless of your underlying temperament.

If we commit ourselves to something that we do not enjoy doing, every minute we put into it will be resented. If we are not intensely diligent we may inadvertently take passive aggressive actions which will undermine our efforts.

On the other hand, there are times in which we must take on the less pleasant tasks on a temporary basis in order to achieve our ultimate goals. The key being to acknowledge they are temporary and put a clock on their completion.

Based on the underlying needs of your fundamental Sanguine, Choleric, Melancholic, Phlegmatic or Supine temperament you must be alert for the following negative self defeating reactions and be prepared to control them.

Sanguine.

You may find yourself become the “loud talker”, speeding haphazardly through tasks and agreeing to less than productive actions simply to get it over-with.

Choleric.

You must be ever vigilant to avoid yelling, blowing up, bullying, throwing tantrums, taking pot shots, and displaying arrogance with faced with unpreferred necessities.

Melancholic.

You may find yourself becoming silent, fleeing, avoiding issues, withdrawing or becoming overly autocratic as you try to emotionally distance yourself.

Phlegmatic.

You may submit to undesired solutions, accommodate when you shouldn’t, gunny sack or ambush your colleagues, and develop a very passive aggressive nature.

Supine.

You may find that you sublimate all of your desires to the purpose of serving the greater good to such a degree that your own desires are never known, let alone acknowledged. This can create intense feelings of resentment.

The next post will be a compilation of this series of articles and tips.

 

Don’t despair if you are not “gifted.”

Being overly gifted can be a detractor. Gifted people get annoyed when others don’t see things that to them seem completely obvious and simple.

In fact, a brilliant idea is neither necessary nor sufficient for a successful business. Look at Microsoft, it has never had a brilliant idea in its history. 

Implement these three steps.

Do things other people are afraid of.

Most people are afraid of public performance. Make it a point to hone your public persona. Volunteer to speak whenever there is an opportunity. Rotary clubs, Toast Masters, Women’s Clubs are all actively seeking speakers to full up their agenda. The topics are a broad as the sea. The very charters of many of these groups are founded on the importance of examining new ideas and perspectives.

An average guy is reluctant to contact a successful businessman to present him an idea he believes in. On the other hand, no qualms are experienced when trying to hire the best person to do a job. Go ahead and make the contact. Tell him what you’re doing up front. Truly successful people are willing to contribute to the success of others.

Make some mistakes.

If you are not prepared to go wrong, there is no way you will learn the way to go right. Fall, learn, rise and keep moving forward.

Think about it this way, businesses with fewer than 20 employees have only a 37% chance of surviving four years in business and only a 9% chance of surviving  10 years (Dunn and Bradstreet, 1998).  Is that bad? Shoot no! If you look at the numbers you see you have 37% chance of success. Those are pretty darn good odds. And if you take the time to address some of the common trip wires, you’ll have an even greater chance of success.

Tripwires.

1. insufficient operating capital
2. lack of realistic planning
3. lack of business management skills
4. unaware of ordinances and regulations
5. delay in collecting accounts receivable
6. insufficient money for start-up costs
7. negative cash flow
8. unpredictable extraordinary circumstances
9. misconception of the actual amount of work required
10. corrupt or unethical behavior
11. dishonest employees
12. lazy employees

Remember, failing is the natural ingredient of personal growth. It will make you respect yourself because you will experience the hardships for growth.

The reality is, experiencing one business failure greatly increases your chances of a subsequent success.

Be sociable.

People will decide of your success or failure. Never underestimate the role of social networks, being seen, and talking to people. Wealth is in hands of human beings, and you need to communicate with people on a personal level all the time.

There is a person behind every dollar spent on this planet. 

Treat people with respect.  

Share a kind word with people around you.

Sanguine Temperament.

The struggle area for you is in taking the time to carefully address each of the tripwire issue in advance. But, if you tell yourself this is the price for getting to the fun of achieving wealth you will be able to navigate it well.

Choleric Temperament.

The only difficult area that you may encounter on this series of tips is your aversion to mistakes. The key is to remember you are the control factor which determines whether, or which component was a mistake. Keep your desire to push through in check long enough to analyze and learn from the circumstances.

Melancholic Temperament.

This wealth key is custom made for you. Your deliberate, dependable, analytical nature is perfect for successfully implementing this key.

Phlegmatic Temperament.

You target area is to take in stride the necessity to open yourself up to failure without the security of having evenly distributed risk. View the out of the box thinking as necessary to establish a greater cosmic order.

Supine Temperament.

All of the elements of this key are designed to create success of the mission. You are willing to do what it takes to achieve success for the greater good. Any of the areas of this key are designed to bring about that greater good.