ElementalTruths.Com ©

Born with the “servants heart” and the undeniable drive to serve others and seek out a purpose greater than themselves, the Supine may on the surface be the easiest person in the world to shop for. This is because no matter how disappointing your gift to them might be they will rather die than let you know it was not absolutely their hearts desire.

The Supine lives by this simple motto: “I will do anything in the world for you as long as you do not mistreat me.”

What gift is appropriate for one such as this?

• Service Award - If you can get their local community to recognize their contribution in a public way, you will have made their millennium.
• Engraved Gifts - Something personalized from Things Remembered will be well received.
• Photo Album - they would be overwhelmed by a memory album recording their service achievements you built yourself at the local Scrapbooking store.

Why are women happier than men?

1. Women aren’t forced to compensate for their fathers’ lack of childhood sports skills every Saturday morning throughout their formative years.
2. Women can spend time alone with Catholic priests without questions about their sexual orientation.
3. Women can spend time alone with Boy Scout leaders without questions about their sexual orientation.
4. Women can sped time alone with Baptist Youth ministers without questions about their sexual orientation. (You may notice a pattern developing which indicate men do not wish to discuss their sexual orientation, ever)
5. Women don’t worry about going bald.
6. Women never have to rearrange their “selves” while wearing tight pants.
7. Women don’t have to constantly answer “What are you gonna be when you grow up?” immediate following their third birthday.
8. Women don’t have to run a super-sharp piece of surgical quality steel over their facial epidermal layer each and every morning of their adult lives to avoid looking “sinister.”
9. Women can bludgeon someone with a baseball bat and then get off by claiming a “hormonal imbalance”
10. Women can to go in a public restroom and not worry about some previous occupant urinating on the seat, the floor, and the surrounding walls.
11. Women ALWAYS outlive their husbands.
12. Women have a wider variety of commercial, sweet smelling deodorants.
13. Women can verbally express a moment of anger without being exiled and excommunicated from the community of humankind.
14. Women know exactly what to do when a child is sick.
15. Women don’t have a freaky, semi-oedipal relationship with their overbearing mothers
16. Women don’t ever have to spit
17. Women don’t ever have to hold one nostril shut while blowing a “snot rocket” out the other
18. Women have an astute, innate sense of whento change underwear before it becomes a Petri Dish for bacteria development
19. Women never pull a back muscle screaming at the television during a sports event.
20. Women don’t have to worry about which family member will inherit and care for their collection of baseball caps.
21. Women never lose six hours on a Saturday morning watching fishing shows.
22. Women can terminate a bladder emptying instantaneously.
23. Women can tell their doctors anything.

I often write about things as they are viewed though my lens in relation to the underlying human needs in the three areas of Affection, Inclusion and Control.  These are the Elemental Truths from which I attempt to chart my path on life and from which I offer those receptive gentle nudges along their own course.

Recently I recieved a challenge. ”How can you provide your ”nudges” from a perspective based on those three guideposts when we are not all on the same path or even headed to the same destination.  My truth may not be the same and may even contradict yours.”

In response I offer my position.

Elemental Truths about life, self, earth and the universe cannot be contradictory. Since all elemental truths are merely portrayals of an essence they cannot be contradictory.  Which is not to say the purveyor of the truth cannot be incorrect in his portrayal. Furthermore truths must agree with scientific facts. If they do not, then either there is an error in our science or our understanding of the truth. To arrive at the Truth, we need to be open to knowing.  Truth is not relative.

So what, or what does acknowledging an Elemental Truth do for us?

For me to concede that a truth is truly elemental it must muster past my stringent set of criteria.

• It must hold its value regardless of reference or context.
• It must have unassailable efficacy and dependability.
• It must have a infinite shelf life.
• It must be integral to function of life, otherwise it is a mere fact.
• It must hold complete objective perspective for every person on the planet.

 For me this is beyond a “scientific truth” or a fact. Both of these are malleable and may change dramatically over time. I require a truth that is immutable and ever constant.

What do you think, can an elemental truth be contradictory?

The Melancholics are neat and tidy. They are cautious people. They are list makers who check everything 9 times. They are very frugal and extremely responsible.

What can you buy for a perfectionist? It is very trying to go to all the trouble of selecting a gift for someone only to notice their disappointment if some minor element of the gift isn’t completely perfect. If you have had this experience you have given a gift to a Melancholic.

They want everything to be perfect in their lives. This is one reason they are often so discontent. But, there are a few things to keep in mind if you are searching for a gift for them. They appreciate quality and craftsmanship. They are more likely to trust name brand items than cutting edge gifts. They are not great fans of attending parties.

What can you buy that they will appreciate?

• They like books - consider an Amazon or Barnes and Nobles gift certificate.
• They enjoy nice music - they prefer bands with an established history of success - Eagles, Doobie Brothers etcetera.
• They appreciate gifts that things in order, and clean, neat and tidy - The Container Store would be a good place to start.

In addition if you tell them you got it on sale, you will add to their appreciation of your gift.

(Can you pick out my sister? Or me for that matter)

My sister once asked me the above question when she found out I counsel more women than men. So, in order to answer her question (and cause her as much annoyance as possible, Hey I’m her brother) I’ve decide to publish the wholly unsubstantiated, unscientific, totally fictional list of reasons why men are happier than women.

1. Our last names never change (unless our faith converts).
2. The garage is ours, all of it.
3. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
4. Chocolate is just another snack.
5. We can never become pregnant.
6. We can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
7. We can wear no shirt to a water park.
8. Car mechanics tell us the truth.
9. The urinal can be pretty much anywhere in an emergency.
10. We never have to drive to the next service station because this one is just “too icky.”
11. Same work, more pay.
12. Wrinkles add character.
13. Wedding dresses cost $5000, tuxedo rental are 100 bucks.
14. People don’t stare at our chests when we talk to them.
15. Our new shoes fit.
16. One mood, all the time.
17. Phone conversations last 30 seconds.
18. We know stuff about tanks.
19. A five day vacation doesn’t need more than one suitcase.
20. We can open our own jars.
21. Extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
22. Those who didn’t invite us can still be our friends.
23. Underwear costs $8.95. For a 3 pack.
24. Three pairs of shoes are plenty.
25. Clothing wrinkles are outside our visual spectrum.
26. Everything on our face stays the same color as manufactured.
27. The same hairstyle is good for 2 decades, maybe longer.
28. We only have to shave our face and neck.
29. We can play with toys our whole lives.
30. One wallet and one pair of shoes.
31. One color regardless of the season.
32. We can wear shorts no matter how our legs look.
33. We can do our nails with a pocket knife.
34. Whether or not we have a mustache after the age of 40 is a matter of choice.
35. Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24th at the Sip-N-Go takes 25 minutes.

So, Sis…still wander why we’re happier?

(For my sister LynnaGail) 

Tim Ferris wrote an interesting piece which begs the following question.

How did we become a culture which protects those who are verbally assaulting and harassing from the suffering the response of a physical consequence from their intended victims?

I really went into an examination of my reactions on this one. On the one hand, have we not evolved beyond the need to punch a guy in the nose when he gets out of line? On the other hand, gosh I really, really want to put that sadistic-school yard bullying-work place ruining-sexually harassing-racist comment making-anti semitic jerk in a rear naked choke hold until his perception of reality returns from its askew perspective!

…. deep cleansing breath, finding my quiet place, ok… ready.

Whew, that was close.

But, what do I really think about it? Here is a recent experience that put a focusing lens on the issue for me.

I’m a married father of two who counsels others in conflict resolution. But, when some guy ran his car up to my bumper and laid onto the horn because he felt I was too slow clearing the intersection, when my two daughters ages 7 & 8 were in the back seat, I too went a bit Old Testament.

I pulled my wifes mini-van to the side, put it in park, opened my door, and in my calmest ex-corrections officer voice, suggested that the gentlemen might want to seek another target at which to vent his frustration.

Now, its quite true he could have shot me on the spot. But, I make my living evaluating crisis situations and I relied on my experience and training to measure my potential risk.

But here’s the thing. I’ve trained in martial and mixed martial arts for years and am practiced in many techniques to bring rapid submission and immense pain.

The point is, I’m not the only one.

How can this guy, or such people in general, just assume they can charge up on you and that you haven’t the means or ability to systematically dis-assemble them?

Oh well, I suppose they rely on the fact that those capable of inflicting major damage know it, and thus don’t feel absolutely completely compelled to do so.

What about you? Why don’t you beat him to a pulp, or do you?

The Phlegmatics are the peacemakers among your family and friends. They are calm and easy going. They are also the epitome of dependability.

What can you buy these natural born mediators?

• Buy them a book - Any Peterson Field Guide will be enjoyed. You may wish to avoid a ‘personal development’ book. Unless it is very specific they will view it with suspicion.
• A gift certificate to a familiar local theater is a good choice.
• Notebooks are a good choice - consider the Moleskine line.
• Rational gifts - I had a very Phlegmatic uncle who always gave new husbands a bouquet of A.M. Leonard garden tools.

Whatever your choice keep in mind these low-key people don’t appreciate a lot of fuss.

I have just published my first Squidoo lens.

Let me know what you think.

Melding Psychology, Philosophy and Practical Knowledge Into a Scaffold for Success!

Getting ink is a term used to describe the process of self marketing. It is a veritable mission statement of honest self promotion that provides value to others.

Here is the list.

1. Provide something of value.
2. Know your hook.
3. Stand for something.
4. Get your face out there.
5. Try to build real, sustained relationships.
6. It’s the message not the amount you spend on it.
7. Give stuff away for free.
8. Ride the momentum buzz wave.
9. Be in it for the long haul.
10. Be undeniably good.

This is one of those articles that has been cooking on the back burner for quite some time. In fact I wrote the title over a month ago and really wasn’t sure where I wanted to go with it.

I need to warn you if you are looking for material connected to the book by Dr. Rick Warren, The Purpose Driven Life, STOP READING NOW.

This article just happens to be of a similar title. I haven’t even read his book. I only know it exists because I do a search engine scan for like topics when I write. If you want Dr. Warren here is his site.

Okay, enough with the disclaimers and subliminal messages. On with the show.

Not long ago my office went through a major transition. I had been working with a dynamic group of more than 20 professionals that really cared about personal and professional development and we were making great strides in serving the those with needs in this area with high quality individualized products. Then over the course of two month span all but two of us made sudden carreer changes to other fields.

At that point I began a reflective piece on finding your niche of comfort in life, while simultaneously examining my own. Being a counselor this can be hazardous to my self-image if I allowed to become too self critical. Such was almost the case and I tabled the project for a time.

I was rekindled when I read a piece of work by Phil Gerbyshak.  If you follow my work at all you will know that I often feature Phil’s project and consider him a mogul of positive energy. But, like all of us who work to develop others, he doesn’t always take the time for the self-reflection necessary to continue meeting our own professional and personal growth needs.

Being an person of action, Phil put out the following honest and direct request.

“Friends - I need your help. I’m good at helping other people discover and define their uniqueness, but I’m struggling to find my own.

Please help me out by answering this question: Phil Gerbyshak is an expert in ________________

If you’re so inclined, please also tell me what industry you think would benefit most from my experience.”

Within a very short time Phil had more than 15 responses to his request. It was reminiscent of the “It’s A Wonderful Life” scene in which a tremendous outpouring of support that arrived for the main character George Bailey.

In fact, I offered my own input.

“Hello Phil,

I must admit I was startled to see you post about something I struggle with. You your work makes you seem so comfortable in your own skin I would never have thought you would even have such a question. But on to the questions:

You sir, are an expert at Servant Leadership. Ever seeking to contribute beyond the limited realm of self-interest.

The career perfectly suited to your perceived temperament is personal and professional development (yes, that’s what I do). It typically isn’t glamorous or particularly high paying at my level. But when I am training a group of professionals and I see them grow from negative doubt to enthusiastic embracement of an issue like positive ways do deliver bad news, the payoff in a sense of having contributed far outstretches the financial gains I make (about $300/day). On the other hand, one of your skill set would quickly become so highly demanded that you could set your own fee schedule.

I hope this helps.

As always, I wish you Great Peace and Continued Grace.

Reg”

If you do good works, not just good work, folks know it.

The important thing is to meet your needs for a purpose driven life in ways that positively satisfy your needs to express and receive affection, to exert and tolerate control and to include and be included by others. If you seek to meet those needs in positive ways which do not negatively exploit others you will find yourself nudged to the path best suited for you.

I would suggest periodically asking yourself Phil’s question of purpose.

I am an expert at ____________________________.

The profession that would most benefit my expertise is ______________________.

I invite you to share your results of this activity and tools you use to maintain your navigational course.