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Politics isn’t my arena. I simply haven’t the stomach for it. But, I was very taken by Dave Barry’s view on the recent New Hampshire primaries. What do you think these excepts on his position? 

MANCHESTER, NH — The voters of New Hampshire have made their decision, and the big winner is:

Change. Here’s the final vote tally:

Change — 43 percent

Hope — 28 percent

Hope For Change — 17 percent

Hair — 9 percent

Experience — 2 percent

Dennis Kucinich — 1 percent:

Now it’s time for the politicians and the press to drop New Hampshire like an ant-covered corn dog and sprint for the airport, leaving the residents of The Granite State to spend the rest of the winter plucking 239 billion candidate signs out of their snowbanks, all the while wondering if there ever really was a candidate named ”Mike Gravel,” or if that was just teenagers playing a sign-planting prank.

Meanwhile there are many unanswered questions about the races in both parties. On the Democratic side: Is Barack Obama for real? Or is he, as sources inside the Hillary Clinton campaign have suggested, a hologram formed by laser beams? Is the nation truly ready for a hologram president? And speaking of Hillary Clinton: When her eyes appeared to well up with tears during a campaign appearance at a New Hampshire diner, was that real welling? Or did she fake the welling? If she did, in fact, well, do we know for certain that those were her own personal tears? Why was no sample made available to the media for testing?

Among the unanswered questions on the Republican side are: Is John McCain, at 117, too old and cranky to be president? Like, during the White House Easter Egg Roll, would he come outside in his bathrobe and yell, “You kids get off my lawn!”

Does Mitt Romney contain any human DNA whatsoever? Does he, for example, burp? Can he emit bodily aromas?

And is there any TV show that Mike Huckabee will NOT appear on? Are we going to see him one of these nights on Deal or No Deal? Why does anybody, aside from Howie Mandel’s immediate family, watch that show?

Anyway, this concludes my New Hampshire coverage. I will write further campaign reports as events warrant, meaning after I do my laundry.

Until then, America: Don’t go changing.

This entry was posted on Friday, January 25th, 2008 at 7:10 pm and is filed under Elemental Truths. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.