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I have been challenged to explain why I write so frequently about negative human interaction and crisis situations.

Perhaps I put the cart before the horse and should have written this bit first. I will now try to explain some of my topic choices.

I am not a person who dreads to interact with others for fear of a horrible incident. However, I believe that being prepared for the unexpected and unpleasant makes it, at worst easier to take and at best possible to avoid.

Let’s take a look at one of the many causes for a persons erratic behavior that we might encounter in a typical day.

Schizophrenia is in the news a lot lately and it is a topic of interest to me. I will start there.

According to the National Institute of Mental Health,

Schizophrenia is, a chronic severe and disabling brain disorder that affects about 1% of the people all over the world. People with schizophrenia sometimes hear voices others don’t hear, believe that others are broadcasting their thoughts to the world, or become convinced that others are plotting to harm them. These experiences can make them fearful and withdrawn and cause difficulties when they try to have relationships with others. read more…

If 1% of the world population is affected with Schizophrenia then one of every hundred people you encounter in a day is part of that 1%.

Let’s break that down into something we can wrap our brains around.

How many cars did you encounter on the drive to work today?
How many people did you meet on the bus/subway/airport?
How many people came into your place of business today?
How many customers and staff were in the restaurant in which you ate lunch?
Did you cut any of them off in traffic, line or at the newspaper stand?

Is it starting to sink in?

If you live in a city of 225,000 people that is 2,250 people in your city impacted by some form of schizophrenia (bye the way, schizophrenia is NOT split/multiple personality disorder).

In reality, Schizophrenia is just one of many disabilities or diseases that can directly impact behavior and conduct.

Now for the real eye opener. According to the surgeon general’s report approximately 20% of the U.S. adult population is affected by some form of mental illness in a given year. Folks, that’s one out of every five people you meet.

This figure does not including a big chunk of the population that demonstrates maladaptive behaviors as a result of a learning or behavioral disability.

These are some of the reasons I write about strategies for intervening early and effectively with incidents that are outside the norm.

In order to provide for the welfare and safety of ourselves and others, it is imperative that we have a plan for contingencies.

In light of this information, to not have a plan is, at least, irresponsible and at worst (in some cases) actionable.

Not long ago I was asked to develop some trainings for teachers based on the latest research on how boys and girls learn differently.

The following is a summary of some of the materials teachers have found most useful.

I provided a 12 hour block of training on current topics in June of 2007. Our course explored many of the ramifications connected to recent findings that indicate boys and girls learn in distinctly different manners. Further exploration indicates that teachers who are aware of, and incorporate these differences into their instructional technique can greatly enhance the learning of both boys and girls.

Due to long-term disparities in the performance of boys and girls, teachers were most interested in techniques designed to enhance the performance of the boys in our classes while continuing to provide the best instruction to our girls.

There were three specific areas in which the teachers expressed most interest:

• Research indicates when boys are provided more personal space in the instructional environment they develop fewer disciplinary and behavioral issues.

• Research indicates that the average attention span for a language heavy set of spoken directions (or instruction) for boy’s falls somewhere between 8 and 12 minutes.

• Research further indicates that providing a non-obtrusive manipulative to some boys (such as a stress ball) can alleviate some of the disengagement boys fall into by providing additional stimulation.

Teachers found practical application of the personal space principal was a simple rearrangement of classroom furniture and seating placement. They made certain that their most “antsy” boys were provided the opportunity to sit in locations that provided them open space on at least two sides. The result being, they were more able to spread out without infringing upon the space of others and conflict arising from this type of disagreement did diminish.

The second practical application took more effort to implement. Rather than providing the entire sequence of instructions for an extended activity teachers began to compartmentalize our instruction in to phases (ex phase one direction, phase two directions etc). They incorporated digital timers into our program making certain we kept our verbal direction to less than 12 minutes whenever possible. Trends indicate the boys are more able to maintain effective transitions and hold focus when instruction occurs in this fashion.

Our third and final implementation concentrated on the use of unobtrusive manipulative design to lengthen the attention span of the boys. Preliminary results indicate that while some boys benefit from the use of a manipulative in their non-dominant hand that others find it yet another avenue for distraction.

Overall, teachers report they found the course and the techniques it suggested to be very useful and practical. Based on this high approval and increased demand I have planned and constructed a second 12 hour phase which is due to become available in April.

We’ve taken quite a bit of time to explore the causes of infidelity, now let’s take a little time to explore the reasons most men don’t cheat on their mate.

In no specific order:

• The opportunity hasn’t presented itself. I know that sound horrible, and it sort of is. But, when asked why they chose never to cheat many men reported they simply hadn’t the time or energy it would require.
• The ego is fine in the first place. Often men decide to cheat to prove to themselves they still have the ability to attract and woo a woman. Confident men, those truly comfortable in their own skin, simply don’t feel the need to seek out someone else to stroke their ego.
• They maintain common interests with their spouse. Those who work together on a daily basis continue to connect and keep their relationships strong.
• They don’t argue a lot with their spouse. Those who devote their interests to maintaining harmonious communication don’t feel the need to seek out someone else to value their opinions.
• They understand long term relationships have their ups and downs and don’t seek instant gratification scenarios elsewhere.
• They have a good sex life. Both they and their mate understand the essence of intimacy is to bring pleasure to the other person.
• Their spouse has never been unfaithful to them and thus they have no revenge to seek out.
• Both partners take the time to make sure they relationship continues to grow and does not become stale or routine.
• They are not adrenaline junkies and have matured beyond the level of juveniles in which risks are taken on merely for the rush.
• They know they would not get away with it and that if they were discovered their spouse would cast them aside and seek out a man of true honor.

Of course their are more reasons men don’t cheat, love, honor, family and respect to name a few, but these are some of the more common quantifiable reasons.

Why are men who have achieved wealth, power and influence not satisfied? Time and again these men are reported to have strayed and betrayed their marital vows of fidelity.

Why is that?

Modern history of western civilization aside people are naturally polygamous. In fact, in some cultures and faiths it is still a hotly contested debate as to whether people have the right to adopt and follow a lifestyle in which a man may legally be married to more than one woman at time. The general consensus is that this practice only exists in a culture in which women are subjugated and dominated by men. Judeo-Christian traditions which have been widely adopted across the world due to the growth of that faith, maintain that monogamy is the only natural form of marriage.

This is somewhat counter-intuitive based on some of the following biblical resources.

Old Testament:

• Exodus 21:10
• 2 Samuel 5:13
• 1 Chronicles 3:1-9, 14:3
• 1 Kings 11:3
• 2 Chronicles 11:21
• Deuteronomy 21:15

New Testament:

• Matthew 19:1-12
• Matthew 22:23-32

But, nowhere in the bible is adultery condoned.

So, back to the question “why do powerful men cheat?”

One of the reason is that we, as a society, make an intuitive leap that may assume facts not in evidence. We may assume that because this man has achieved wealth, power and influence in his professional life that he enjoys the same status in his marital sex life. When the reality of the fact is, women say no to men about sex all the time. Men have had to go out and climb corporate ladders and navigate the landmines of civil and political service, paint masterpieces, break new scientific ground, rock the night away and develop software and technological empires so that women will have sex with them. Men have built and destroyed entire civilizations in order to win the favors of women, so that they might say yes. But, the fact remains even after the wooing women often say no.

Another reason is the construct known as the mid-life crisis. However, the reality is that men may not cheat because they are having a midlife crisis themselves but in fact, it could be because their wife is. Psychologically a man views the onset of his wife’s menopause as the end of his opportunity to successful reproduce. As a result he begins to renew his need to attract younger, still fertile women.

Therefore, a middle aged man married to a young woman would probably not experience a mid-life crisis. On the other hand an Ashton Crutcher married to a Demi Moore may be just as likely to stray from his vows of fidelity as a 50 year old man married to a 50 year old woman.

Additionally, men who have achieved wealth, power and influence are by and large natural risk takers. These are the individuals whose very nature drives them to push to the edge and sometimes beyond. Even presidents have commonly been known to have lovers, concubines and even female slaves with whom they explored their sexual appetites. Until recent centuries this has been an understood phenomenon which was possibly even acceptable by the wife as long as clear and defined legitimacy of heir-ship was maintained.

However, as stated in the previous post, just because something comes naturally doesn’t make it right. Baser impulses must be controlled and resisted. I’ve studied mixed martial arts for years. I have no doubt that I could seriously injure or kill many of the individuals I come in contact with who annoy, disagree with or displease me in some way. But, I don’t. I choose to deny my instincts and behave in a more civilized manner which bring delayed but greater gratification and satisfaction.

In the next installment I will explore some of the behaviors and characteristics of the spouses of those who choose not to cheat.

It is not uncommon that when a man of substantial influence is exposed for engaging in an extramarital affair that the world looks on in great fascination to see what his wife will do.

Often the wife stays with the husband. But, why?

First, lets take a look at cheating male mates and why their wives selected them in the first place.

Men of wealth, power and influence often marry women whose families also have wealth, power and influence. But, this isn’t always the case. Sometimes men of this type marry very beautiful women who are attracted to his wealth, power and influence.

That is not to say that these women are “gold diggers.” Rather, it is only natural that a women would seek to marry with the most desirable male and those are very desirable characteristics.

However, the very characteristics that aid a man in acquiring the attractive features of wealth, power and influence are by nature risk taking tendencies. And an extramarital affair is an extremely risky venture.

In fact, this is a very natural male urge. It is also a very natural urge that I kill you, take what you have, and add it to what I have. Just because something is natural doesn’t make it right.

If we leave out the inexplicable nature of love, we can look at some of the reasons why women choose to stay when their husband has demonstrated his infidelity.

• It is inconvenient to go through the difficulty of the dissolution of a relationship.
• It is financially a hardship or undesirable (even half of 3 million dollars is not as attractive as all of 3 million dollars).
• Many women are unwilling to undergo a major lifestyle change.
• The stability of the relationship for the sake of the children is often a deciding factor.
• Many women experience low self-esteem when their mate chooses to be unfaithful and they doubt their ability to attract another mate.
• The timing in their life may not be conducive to ending a long term relationship.
• They may hold out an underlying belief that they can rehabilitate or change their unfaithful spouse.
• For many women the fear of being alone out-ways the the infidelity.
• Many women work in career circumstances in which the dissolution of a marriage is viewed as a sign of instability.
• Many women believe the situation can be resolved with the help of a pastoral, family or marriage counselor.
• Many women have deeply seated belief in the concept of loyalty.
• The structure of many religious and faith institutions disapprove of the dissolution of marriage.

Tomorrow we’ll take a closer look at why men of influence and power cheat.

If you wonder what a free food post is doing on Elemental Truths I can certainly understand. Unless you have kids. Trust me, nothing can make your elemental self smile like a “free lunch” for your kids.

Here it the link.

Simply follow the link. Enter your state. Enter your city. Enter the night you want to eat out on the cheap. Then pick your favorite eatery from the list.

Thank you folks at www.mykideatfree.com!

Just a few resources looking at counseling services online. As you can see, even though this is by no means an exhaustive list, it is fairly extensive.

If you would like to contribute to the usefulness of this resource you can do so by reporting any outdated or broken links in the comments section.

I have recently worked through the list down to the Telepsychiatry section. If you want to help, that would be a great place to start.

• ABC’s of Internet Therapy
• International Society for Mental Health Online (ISMHO)
• Psychotechnology Online
• NetPsychology
• University of Notre Dame Counseling Center Outreach and Web proposal (Wendy Settle):
• Risks and Benefits of Online Psychotherapeutic Interventions
• Standards for the Ethical Practice of WebCounseling
• Computer assisted therapy, A Guide
• Services by Telephone, Teleconferencing, and Internet:
• University of Chicago Department of Psychiatry
• Grand Rounds on the Internet
• Student Counseling and Resource Service
• Student Counseling Virtual Pamphlet Collection

Comprehensive

•  
  • Internet Mental Health
  • Mental Health InfoSource
  • Mental Health Net
  • Mental Health Resources, About.com
  • Drugs, Brains & Behavior
  • Merck Manual
  • Behavioral Healthcare Resources on the Web, Myron Pulier
  • Depression Central, Ivan Goldberg
  • Medical Matrix, Gary Malet et al.
  • Neuropsychology Central, Jeff Browndyke
  • Neurosciences on the Internet, Neil Busis
  • Psicoenlaces, José Gutiérrez Maldonado
  • PsychNet-UK
  • Help is at Hand, RCP
  • Publications for Patients and the General Public, NIMH

Focused Content

• Adverse Drug Reactions, FDA
• Algorithms, Harvard
• Antidepressants, SSRI, Preskorn
• Behavior OnLine
• Best Psychiatrists for People with Mood Disorders
• Bipolar Disorder, Pendulum
• Borderline Personality Disorder Sanctuary
• Brainstorms, J of Clinical Psychiatry
• Center for On-Line Addiction
• Child Abuse, Mandatory Reporting
• Cochrane Collaboration
• Depression, Outpatient Management, Preskorn
• Drug Interactions, Flockhart
• Drug Interactions, Grapefruit Juice
• DSM-IV Diagnoses and Criteria
• Ethics, Psychology
• False Memory Syndrome
• Food Composition, USDA
• Freud, Conflict & Culture, Library of Congress
• Freud, Psychopathology of Everyday Life
• Gabapentin and Mood Disorders
• Guidelines, Expert Consensus
• Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act
• ICD-9-CM
• Illicit Drugs
• Importing Medicine, FDA
• Importing Medicine, Travel, FDA
• Interpretation of Dreams
• C.G. Jung
• Legal, Forensic Psychiatry & Medicine
• Medications, FDA
• Medications, Healthtouch
• Medications, Medline
• Medications, USP via InteliHealth
• Medline, Comparison
• Medline, PubMed
• Mental Health Information Centre
• Message Boards, iVillage
• Message Boards, NetDoktor.com
• News, PsychLinx
• Patient Assistance, NeedyMeds
• Patient Assistance, PhRMA
• Pharmacology Guide, Glaxo Wellcome
• Psyche Matters
• Psychiatry On-Line
• Rating Scales, Queendom
• Schizophrenia, schizophrenia.com
• Secret Shame
• Self Psychology
• Sleep Medicine
• Sleep Well
• Studies ISO Participants, CenterWatch
• Studies ISO Participants, NIMH
• Suicide, Contagion, CDC
• Surgeon General Report
• Temporal Lobe Symptoms
• Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation
• Trauma Information Pages, David Baldwin
• Vietnam Veterans Home Page

Links Verified as active to this point.

• Telepsychiatry
  • Arizona TeleBehavioral Health Network
  • Canadian Society of Telehealth
  • Centre for Online Health, U Queensland
  • DoctorGlobal
  • Electronic Communication, Electronic Patient Centered Communication
  • Health Privacy
  • Robert Wood Johnson Foundation
  • Telemedicine Information Exchange
  • Advisories on the Use of Medical Web Sites, ATA
  • Comparison of Health Information Megasites, Bibliography
  • QuackWatch
  • AMA, Guidelines for Physician-Patient Electronic Communications
  • Woodford, Fighting Phobias in the CAVE, Michigan Today

Organizations

• Adult Children of Alcoholics
• Alzheimer’s Association
• American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy
• American Counseling Association
• American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
• Association for Advancement of Behavior Therapy
• Association for the Advancement of Philosophy and Psychiatry
• Association for the Study of Dreams
• British Healthcare Internet Association
• Food and Drug Administration
• National Alliance for the Mentally Ill
• National Institute of Mental Health
• National Mental Health Association
• Obsessive-Compulsive Foundation
• Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration
• World Health Organization

University Student Counseling

• Student Counseling Virtual Pamphlet Collection
• Dr. Cyberviser, Oberlin
• Go Ask Alice, Columbia

Publications

• Psychiatric Services
• Dr. Valerie
• Psychiatric News

Hardware and Software

• ComputerPsych, Kennedy and Kramer
• Mental Health Connections
• Neuropsychology Central

Recently I’ve been writing on how to work toward a positive conclusion when you encounter an irate individual. In this piece I want to adjust the lens a bit and look at what to do if that irate person is you.

I know your response, “What, me irate? Never!”

Well, I beg to differ. If you have a pulse you have blood, and if you have blood, it occasionally boils.

The key is in how you use that ire. Do you vent in a tumultuous tirade or do you laser focus on an injustice will filled with righteous indignation?

In any case, we will eventually find ourselves in a situation which will cause us to confront our own feelings of rage, which itself is a variant of the Latin rabies and bring many of the connotations of that disease to mind.

In fact, anger is a naturally occurring human emotion. Although, it may be inconvenient it does serve a useful purpose.

Contrarily, many view anger as negative emotion that interferes with our ability to rationally make choices, or successfully interact with other.

Anger may be viewed with the following negative connotations and behaviors:

-sulking
-withdrawal
-taunting
-sarcasm
-a facade of no emotion

The foundational skill set which you must master is the ability to differentiate emotion from behavior.

How can you positively direct or channel your anger. You must have a plan. That plan must take into account the following elements.

1. Know the why.

Break it down. Ask yourself why you are angry. Have you allowed another party to “get under your skin?” If so, you should examine the issue closely. Under these circumstances we would be more likely to become angry if we felt threatened. And we would be more likely to feel threatened if we think we are in the wrong.

This can be a powerful tool for building a weak area into a strength.

Are you angry because of outside influences?

-stress
-financial concerns
-ill health
-family issues

2. Know your physiology.

Do you know you body and its signs of anger?

-racing heart
-sweating hands
-rapid breathing
-sour stomach
-headache
-tunnel vision
-roaring in the ears
-clenched jaw

3. What can you do about it?

Increase the oxygen supply to your heart, brain, lungs and muscles. This will prime you for decisive action. Take several deep, deliberate, measured breaths. Don’t be surprised at a sense of exhilaration at this point (some call it the combat rush). It can be quite addictive.

4. Chose to be quicksand or wild fire.

This portion of my technique is somewhat controversial and many in my profession will advise against it. It is dynamic and is based on a practiced and premeditated decision.

At this point you must decide whether you will allow the other person to know you are angry.

Most will advise the “quicksand” technique. Quicksand is one of the most devastating anomalies in nature. The more energy you expend against it, the less strength you have to resist its incessant pull. You may mimic this by calmly and systematically carrying out your duties while the irate individual expends their energy in an impotent rant.

On the other hand, you may decide a slight more perilous technique.

This may be an opportune time to give the person a little glimpse of what a real forest fire of rage looks like. This can be a powerful tool. However, it should only be done if you have remarkable self control. It can be difficult to put the lava back in the volcano once it has begun to come out. But, if you can master it, and you have practiced it repeatedly, it is an excellent device for teaching others how to positively channel their own anger.

Let me reiterate, it has taken me 20 years to develop any skill in this area at all. And you would NEVER make this selection for a client. However, it does have its uses in extreme situations.

5. Healthy Expressions.

Sometimes you find yourself in circumstances in which your own anger is the issue which must be addressed.

If you decide to express it, consider these guidelines.
-be direct
-be specific
-be brief
-focus on the issue not the person
-do not seek to assigning blame
-listen to the other persons feedback
-have realistic expectations for resolution

In conclusion, don’t sell the value of your anger short. A little righteous indignation has been the impetus for righting a lot of wrongs over the years.

Here are a few truths that have helped me over the years that you might find useful. 

1. You must consider the possibility that the most successful staff members at the service level have the keenest idea about what is going on.
2. Clearing the path and running interference to keep obstruction away from staff is one of the most important roles of a true leader.
3. Complicated plans serve only to obfuscate and confuse.
4. Leading is most effective when done from the servant perspective.
5. Basic and Simple is the best mantra.
6. Some people shouldn’t be leaders.
7. Budgets should be concieved by front line staff members.
8. If you aren’t having enjoying your work everyone knows it.
9. People not programs make success.
10. Policies are not laws.

According to conventional wisdom there is a group of people born between 1946 and 1964 that are collectively known as the baby boomer generation. As I came in to being some three odd years before the end of that 18 year span, I suppose I am officially one of the baby boomer minions.

Although, there is a plethora of research, writing and marketing targeting this generation which supposedly at this time in our lives should have more disposable income, there is one elemental area which I fear does not receive adequate attention.

We spring not into being fully formed, autonomous and existing in a vacuum. We’ve parents and we’ve children. This posting is about bringing some benefit to those who sired us.

My mother is 87 years old and she has recently entered an assisted living facility. What can you give someone who has reached this stage in their lives that won’t be another collector of dust?

Here are a few care center recommended suggestions that will encourage continued independence.

Convenience Items

• jar opener
• telephone amplifier
• over-sized playing cards
• sock and zipper puller
• button hook
• extended shoe horn
• large dial radio
• large button phone
• large number clock
• stationery items (stamps with dispenser, note cards, pens, envelopes, personalized writing paper)
• large print books
• audio books
• personal CD/Tape/MP3 player with favorite music
• magnifier overlay
• wrist coil key holder
• large print crossword puzzle
• large print magazine subscription
• large print calendar
• nightlight
• canvas shopping bag
• small tool kit
• automatic shut off teapot
• sewing needle threader
• portable seat raiser
• key turner
• toothpaste squeezer
• prepaid telephone calling card
• rechargeable flashlight
• automatic timer for lights

Personal Items

• non-skid slipper socks
• comfortable outfits for outdoors as well as in
• shawls/sweaters
• lotion/perfume/aftershave
• gift certificates for beauty or barber shops
• small afghans or quilts

Memento Items

• framed photographs
• filled photo albums or scrapbooks
• family photo collage
• family gathering videos
• calendar with premarked important family dates

Remember, any of the gifts can mean a lot. But, nothing will mean so much as a visit for most.

Reg Adkins www.elementaltruths.com