What is Cooperative Conflict Management?
“Difficulties are meant to rouse, not discourage.
The human spirit is to grow strong
by conflict.” William Ellery Channing
American, 1780-1842
The Peer to Peer Model
One way to peacefully resolve conflict is for each side
- to come together voluntarily
- to work cooperatively on the issues
Meet in a private location and
- Gather information: identify key issues without making accusations
Focus on what the issues are, not who did what
Do not accuse, find fault, call names - Each party states their position and how it has affected them;
Others listen attentively and respectfully without interruption - Each party, in turn, repeats or describes as best they can
the other’s position to the listener’s satisfaction
(c.f. Franklin Covey’s fifth habit “Seek first to understand, then to be understood“) - Parties try to view the issue from other points of view beside the two conflicting ones
- Parties brain storm to find the middle ground, a point of balance, creative solutions, etc.
- Each side volunteers what he or she can do to resolve the conflict or solve the problem
- A procedure is identified should disagreement arise
Conflict resolution should be a voluntary process that
- Reflects one values if applied throughout.
- Is also modeled and followed by all parties.
- will fail if perceived as a process for conflicting parties only
Each party in collaborative conflict resolution should feel empowered to speak their mind, feel listened to, and feel they are a critical part of the solution. So also, each is obligated to respect and listen to others, try to understand their point of view; and actively work toward a mutual decision.
If the conflict cannot be resolved in this manner,
mediation by a third, neutral party (as in peer mediation); or
arbitration (enforced resolution by a neutral authority) are options.
Learning ways to resolve issues and collaboratively work through responses and solutions will teach you skills that can be applied in other settings. It can help you:
- accept differences
- recognize mutual interests
- improve persuasion skills
- improve listening skills
- break the re-active cycle or routine
- learn to disagree without animosity
- build confidence in recognizing win-win solutions
- recognize/admit to/process anger and other emotions
- solve problems