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Subordinate to supervisor conflict resolution can be a difficult path to navigate. Often the best medicine is preventative and involve building effective relationships in the first place.

A good boss is someone who can effectively run a company and communicate with, and understand, their employees. If a boss involves their employees in business decisions, shows appreciation for hard work, and responds with bonuses and gifts at Christmas time, most people would enjoy working for them.

However, a difficult relationship with the boss is a common cause of work-related stress. Examples of difficult behavior shown by some bosses include lack of communication, verbal bullying, inflexible thinking and rudeness.

There are various strategies you can use to try and build a better relationship with your boss.

Some common, but unhelpful, ways that some people deal with difficult bosses include:

• Using the same behavior, such as rudeness or shouting
• Silence and meek compliance
• Avoiding interaction with the boss
• Increased absenteeism
• Quitting.

Conflict can develop when people’s ideas, decisions or actions relating directly to the job are opposed; or when two people just don’t get along. The latter is often called ‘a personality clash’. It can be hard to distinguish between the two. For example, your dislike for your boss may be caused by their initial refusal to listen to your ideas.

If you and your boss are divided by different thoughts on business practices, there are various ways to open the lines of communication, including:

• Be calm and reasonable. Remember that your boss is not obliged to feel the same way about things as you do.
• Aim to solve the disagreement, rather than win the argument. Be prepared to compromise.
• Approach your boss in a conciliatory way. Ask them for their opinions, thoughts and judgments on the issue. Really listen to them.
• Compliment them on any of their suggestions that you think are workable.
• Suggest your own ideas, rather than demand them. Explain how your ideas will benefit the organization.
• Perhaps your boss will be more interested if you thoroughly research your ideas and present them professionally, highlighting possible benefits and drawbacks.

If you just don’t get along with your boss, it’s important to find out why. Issues to consider include:

• Does your boss treat everyone badly?
• Does your boss treat only you badly?
• If you are singled out, is there some unresolved dispute between you?
• Are you giving your boss something to dislike about you?
• How is your work performance?
• How is your absenteeism?
• Has a colleague noticed your boss’ behavior towards you?
• Could you be over-reacting.
• Do you have conflicts with other people at work?
• Could you be the one with the difficult personality?

Building a better relationship with your boss means first taking into account their temperament and personality, and tailoring your strategies accordingly. For example, don’t ask a compulsive choleric why they treat you badly. Direct confrontation enrages them.

Some positive suggestions include:

• Ask a colleague who gets along well with the bossfor their ’secret’.
• How do they treat the boss differently to you?
• Keep calm. If your boss simply has terrible people skills, don’t take their behavior personally.
• Assert yourself in a reasonable and calm manner.
• Don’t yell back, or take the abuse silently.
• Explain politely that you don’t appreciate being spoken to in such a way.
• Next time the boss yells or treats you patronizingly; ask them if you have done something to upset them. This may open the lines of communication.
• Change your communication style.
• Take the time to listen to your boss. If they say something you agree with; then say so. People sometimes yell and rant if they feel they are being ignored. Make your boss feel validated.
• The clash may be caused by differences in working style – you may like to be left alone to do your job, but your boss may believe that good management means close supervision.
• Discuss your working needs calmly, privately and reasonably.

Assertiveness means communicating your needs, wants, feelings, beliefs and opinions to others in a direct and honest manner, without intentionally hurting anyone’s feelings.

Suggestions on how to be more assertive include:

• Accept that assertiveness will take time to learn, just like any other skill.
• Practice talking in an assertive way.
• Use assertive language such as ‘I feel…’ and ‘I think…’, rather than aggressive language such as ‘You always…’ and ‘You never…’
• Don’t interrupt the other person when they are talking, and try hard to listen and understand their point of view.
• If necessary, seek the advice of a professional (such as a counselor) in assertive behavior.

Things to remember:

• A difficult relationship with the boss is a common cause of work-related stress.
• Examples of difficult behavior by some bosses include lack of communication, verbal bullying, inflexible thinking and rudeness.

This entry was posted on Monday, April 7th, 2008 at 10:54 am and is filed under Elemental Truths, behavior. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.