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If you Google body language you’ll get around 32 million results on the topic. Many will offer you the “secret” of working someone by reading their body language. Unfortunately, many of them are wrong. You see, a great deal of body language is situational. Not only that it often is specific to a persons hierarchy (real or perceived). Plus, gender and temperament must be considered.

Pat Mayfield (Mayfield Consulting, San Francisco, CA) will tell you the following are positive and negative indicators. But, there is more to it than that.

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Body Stance and Posture

The following are listed as positive indicators.

• Physically on the same level (sitting or standing).
• Directly faces you.
• Comes into your office rather than just standing at the door.
• In a group, sits or stands close to you.

However, if you take into consideration the natural aggressiveness of those who are high choleric or those who view themselves as dominant males those indicators are in actuality aggressive and threatening.

The following are listed as negative indicators.

• Does not face you directly.
• Stands and looks down on you. (Ever have a boss who never sits?)
• Places both hands on his hips to create a wingspan. (Even the big guys and gals who don’t need more “space” may do this.)
• In groups, avoids you, sits with others, or does not introduce you.

If you take into consideration the natural communicative tendencies of males, these are highly uniform manners of interaction which communicate no true negative information.

Eyes, Head, and Face

The following are listed as positive indicators.

• Looks you directly in the eye.
• Muscles around the eye are relaxed.
• Facial muscles are relaxed. Lips are their normal size.
• Pleasant face and friendly smile.

In actuality these can be displays of dominance. The communicator is projecting that you are subservient to there status and are not viewed as a peer or equal.

The following are listed as negative indicators.

• Rapid eye movement, does not look at you; has a cold, glaring, staring, or glazed-over look.
• Blinks more than normal.
• Raises one eyebrow as if in disbelief or doubt.
• Facial muscles are tight; lips thin out.
• Jaw muscles and clenched, and temple or neck veins throb.
• Smile is stiff and forced.

Each and every one of these indicators are signs of heightened awareness and can as easily be attributed to being pleasantly engaged as to being negative.

Hands, Arms, and Gestures

The following are listed as positive indicators.

• Hands are in view, opened, calm.
• Arms are open (but may be crossed in a comfortable position).

These are the exact positions intervention specialists are trained to assume with volatile individuals. This places the specialist in the optimum position to execute a block or a restraint technique.

The following are listed as negative indicators.

• Hands are not in sight — in pockets, or under the table or desk.
• Hands (in sight) are closed or in a fist; fingers tightly clasped.
• Arms are tightly crossed (defensive or protective position).
• Points or wags his or her finger aggressively.
• Drums his or her fingers or fidgets nervously.

Two words: Country Preacher.

As you can see, interpretation in such a cut and dried method without taking the individuals underlying temperament into account is somewhat dangerous.

Pushy Paul/Pauline

Paul/Pauline, an architect, noticed one of his drafting tools missing. He stormed over to Jason, a shy intern, and began shouting at him, accusing him of stealing his tool. Jason tried to explain he didn’t know anything about his tool, but Paul/Pauline wouldn’t listen.

Why does Paul/Pauline behave that way?

1. He/She has a strong sense of what is right and wrong.
2. He/She a strong need to prove that they are right.

How should you address this type of behavior?

1. Don’t back down.
2. Allow them to deescalate.
3. Remain calm.

Chronic Carl/Carla
 

Carl/Carla always complains that his/her boss is unorganized and doesn’t know how to do his job, but whenever he/she sees his boss he/she acts like the perfectly loyal employee.

Why does he/she act that way?

1. As a phlegmatic they see themselves as mistake proof.
2. They want to be superior to everyone else. 

How to Handle:

1. “I understand what you are saying.”
2. Don’t agree unless you really agree.
3. “This is how I see it.”

Sickening Sweet Sam/Samantha

Sam/Samanta was completely on board with my proposal for an employee pay raise. However,  he/she also agreed with the efficiency specialist that we needed to cut positions.

Why does he/she act that way?

1. As a melancholy they have a compulosive need to be liked.
2. They have an extreme aversion to conflict.

How to Handle:

1. Be non-threatening.
2. Don’t allow them to make commitments they can’t keep.

Depressing Dan/Dana
 

A coworker’s negative attitude coupled a long, stressful day, can bring you the point of being ready to burst by five  o’clock.

Why do they act that way?

1. As a phlegmatic melancholy they feel impotent to influence the direction of their own lives.

How to Handle:

1. Avoid sharing in the tales of woe.
2. Show your overflowing glass.
3. Discuss the worst case scenario.

Big Brain Ben/Benita

Ben/Benita is an office manager and is known for being a good problem solver. One day two family counselors were discussing a problem they were having with a client. Ben/Benita loudly interrupted with a suggestion. The suggestion was totally unrelated to the problem. The counselors listened politely until Ben/Benita was finished, and then resumed their conversation.

Why do they act like that?

1. Their temperament expresses as compulsive in the control area of their lives.
2. They have a strong need to control their environment.

How to Handle:

1. Know what you are talking about; be sure of yourself.
2. Question their ideas and assumptions.

Slacker Steve/Stephanie

Steve/Stephanie supervises 12 employees in the department. Three show up under the influence of drugs on a regular basis. Steve/Stephanie never confronts them. The other employees see what is going on and resent that the supervisor is not standing up for what’s right.

Why do they act that way?

1. As a supine melancholy they don’t want to hurt anyone.
2. They fear being disliked.

How to Handle:

1. Explain the issues and how they affect you.
2. Offer to help them to come up with options and problem solve.
3. Provide advance assurance you will support them after a decision is made.

Managers have a lot to do with how motivated and interested staff members are about work. Unmotivated staff members create a drag on productivity depress dynamic thought and increase turn over rates.

Signs that a staff member may have lost interest:

1. Drop in productivity.

2. A negative change in attitude.

3. A climate of discontent.

4. Knee jerk reactions to minor annoyances.

5. Irregular attendance.

6. An increase in errors and mistakes in the work product.

All of these signs can negatively impact your financial bottom line.

What can you do to prevent it? First, you must think like a guiding leader rather than a controlling manager. That alone will have tremendous positive impact on your staff. But, there are other more concrete steps you can also take to prevent the development of the problem.

1. Vary the Work Assignments. Novelty of tasks can go a long way in helping maintain staff interest levels. Monotony is a mind killer and people pay attention when things change.

2. Personalize Projects. Something as simple as naming an initiative “Ted’s Project” will maintain interest far beyond the usual.

3. Team Work. Assign projects to a team and encourage the members to integrate their approach. Brain research indicate activity is greatly heightened in group versus solo activities.

What if you utilize the prophylactic measures and the drag of lack of interest still permeates some staff members?

At this point you have a difficult decision to make. The biggest expense of most organizations is the recruitment, training and support new staff members. You must decide whether to cut your losses on this one and love him out the door or try to grow him through the problem.

If you decide to assist the person with their professional development here are a few tried and true techniques.

1. Throw Down the Gauntlet. Many individuals will respond to a challenge. But, you must be absolutely certain the person is capable of successfully completing the task or this strategy will fail and you will be out of the frying pan into the fire.

2. Open Door. One of the most important motivating factors in an organization is access to the boss. Staff members must feel encouraged to approach the boss with ideas, suggestion and even concerns. And their input from a differing perspective can provide valuable information.

3. Match the Pace. Everyone works at a different optimum pace. With this in mind you may wish to adjust your work disbursement. You don’t want a high pace individual fronting with the public. Clients will feel pressured and driven away. On the other hand you don’t want a suave laid back sanguine counting inventory, he would lose his mind.

Keeping your finger on the pulse of the and the climate of a group is very important if a healthy business is to be maintained.

Related Links:
3by3 on Motivation, Responsibility and Accountability by Rosa Say.

One interesting aspect of the control freak persona which can guide your intervention is that they rarely feel they are in control. They are ever nagged by the perpetual fear that chaos is just about to ensue and have the unreasonable belief that they are holding their world together by sheer force of will alone.

Due to this odd mixture of traits they often find themselves in leadership positions that they are ill equipped to handle. You will recognize them by their need to have their final seal of approval on every piece of minutia that leaves your department. The unfortunate result is a bottle-neck situation that creates a difficult environment for all.

What to do?

Demonstrate Respect. Remember, it is more important to these persons that others perceive them as being in control than it is for them to actually be in control.

Same Side. Make a conscious effort to this person to communicate that you are all working toward the same goal. Make good use of “we” and “us” statements as well as frequent references to “our progress.”

A Little Two Step. You may sidestep the power play by making quick acknowledgments of control when situations of conflict arise. For example, “You’re right. I know we want to be certain our work quality is paramount. What’s our next step?” This strategy keeps things moving and avoids the issue of challenge completely.

Under most circumstances a high energy team mate is a desirable thing. However many persons with a highly energetic nature engage in behaviors on the job which bother co-workers, and about which they are completely unaware! Intervening feedback from a trusted friend or supervisor can help build awareness. Here are some typical interpersonal patterns which you may need to monitor in order to minimize.

1. Soap Box Monologues.
2. Interrupting.
3. Blunt Outbursts.

These, and other distracting behaviors can create difficult workplace environs.

Strategies for the energetic.

1. Flex time. This will allow the subject to work during hours in which there is less distraction in the workplace.
2. Working from home. Often these individuals are much more productive in the controlled environment of their own home. In this age of technology many jobs lend themselves quite well to this solution. As an added bonus, it frees up space in the conventional office.
3.Recommend headphones. These will help filter out the distracting noises of the busy surroundings.
4. Rearrange the furniture. Often allowing the person to orient their desk away from the line of traffic is solution enough.
5. Scheduling. Insist that subject write out a detailed daily agenda. This will allow them to make great strides in increase the productive use of their time.

Sometimes when the work is just not that challenging staff members become bored or zone out. Ironically, it is the very stability that attracted them to them to the work in the first place that is now driving them to boredom requiring an intervention.

You know the problem is increasing when the following signs begin to occur on a regular basis.

-Tardiness
-Long lunches
-Leaving early
-MIA during the day
-Not following
-Take on a task and never do it, never turn it over to anyone

Although some jobs are not exciting by nature there are things that can be done. First, and foremost make certain you do not have someone with a sanguine temperament assigned to a job heavy in task and light in interaction. However, a person with a phlegmatic or melancholic temperament would be ideally suited to such a position, in that they derive their satisfaction from a job well done rather than social interaction.
With those things in mind, you might consider the following strategies.

1. Provide more challenge.
-a higher quota
-an assignment requiring greater attention to detail
2. Ensure the level of competence.
-make certain this individual has not be given a job that is beyond his level of expertise
3. Add a little drama.
You may wish to pair them with the “grandstander” for a while.
-The drawback here being, a “grandstander” can only tolerate mundane operations (unless it is a job which receives a great deal of prestige and acknowledgment) for so long before they become a problem themselves.
4. Vary their job assignments.
-make certain they are capable of successfully completing each assignment
5. Name dropping.
Mentioning their names in meeting situations will perk up their interest.

While any of these strategies will be effective in the short term, it is of paramount importance that you assure yourself you have persons of compatible temperaments in your job assignments.

These persons are usually controverted and considered to be compulsive loners. They are very private and serious. To alleviate stress they need alone quiet time every day. Provided this time they will be regenerated and able to accomplish their goals.

You may notice that socially they approach and interact with very few people. They may in fact be even happier when they aren’t approached at all. They prefer being at home with family or a few close friends. They will become anxious and productivity will suffer when they are forced to socialize.

They are very task oriented and do not relate well to people. They are self motivated and threats of punishment or promise of reward will have little impact on their performance.

They have high intellectual energies. In fact one of their greatest weaknesses are that their keen minds never shut off. Their compulsive thinking forces them to perpetually relive the past.

This person when correctly dealt with is a highly valuable asset to any organization. They are fiercely loyal and will always put the needs of the organization before their own.

You can make the most of their talents by facilitating the following:

1. Routines and procedures.
-provide a work area which is their own which can not be utilized without their consent
-encourage them to trust people but do not force interaction
2. Apprentice to a senior staff.
-feed this persons compulsive need for truth and quality, reliability and dependability
-limit the necessity that they be responsible for another person
3. Provide written project outlines.
In reality you will map out most of your projects anyway. This is just the simple step of referring the person to it on a slightly more frequent basis.
-weigh your words carefully with this person, what you say will become fact to them
-he has a compulsive fear of rejection, low self esteem and distrust of people, he is a very analytical and valuable resource

It is also important to note that this person will be more comfortable when he believes that his supervisor is intellectually superior. No matter how many times this is demonstrated he may still maintain a cautious suspicion.

Leaders must guide everyone in their group. But, not every member needs the same type of leadership.

About 20% of the individuals you lead will require 80% of your attention. That 20% falls into about 7 major groupings. In this series I want to provide you with some easy to employ nudges that will help keep your group working together smoothly.
Let’s take a look at who the “difficult people” are.
The difficult person is…

• different than me
• in need of my guidance
• getting their own way
• not impressed by me
• in disagreement with or doesn’t listen to me
• in disagreement with someone I agree with
• unable to see themselves as difficult
• less difficult when the group has momentum
• less difficult when in smaller less formal groups
• less difficult when issue are not personalized
• less difficult when levity is introduced
• less difficult when clear authority boundaries are well known
• often receptive to guiding touches
• effective when provided clarity of tasks
• effective when given good lead time
• less difficult when team members don’t create obstructions
• responsive to encouragement
• productive when healthy and calm
• less difficult once a relationship is established
• less difficult when time has created a personal connection

Rather eye opening, don’t you think?

Still, there are circumstances in which people seek to meet their needs in ways that detract from the success of the group. Throughout this series I will provide you some nudges to shepard these folks back on to their path.

The difficult postures people usually assume fall into the following categories: showing off, hiding from challenges, temper outbursts, micro-managing, lack of focus, lack of active interest and irresponsible interaction.

Sometimes two parties are so at odds that achieving the rational detachment necessary to solve conflicts becomes impossible. At these times a useful strategy is the dispassionate consultation of a third party.

Someone who is external to a conflict and intervenes between the parties to help them with their conflict management efforts is a third party.

Benefits of Third-Party Assistance

• Impartial
• Process expert
• Content expert
• Messenger

When Is Third-Party Assistance Needed?

Four Factors:

1. Nature of the conflict
   • Highly Emotional or Adversarial
   • Complex
   • Deeply held values involved
2. Stakes involved
   • Continuation is too costly
   • Importance of future relationship
   • Valuable to all parties
3. Climate of the conflict
   • No rational discussion possible
   • Impasse or deadlock
   • Lack of trust and communication
   • Stakeholders need a face-saving opportunity.

4. Time has become an issue

Third-Party Roles (Impartial)

1. Mediator - Seeks a jointly determined, win-win resolution
2. Facilitator - Smooths procedures and processes for a productive interaction
3. Observer - Offers objective descriptions of the situation
4. Arbitrator - Has authority to decide the settlement of the conflict
5. Enforcer - Has power to impose settlement and conditions on the parties.

Can you identify a third-party role that you play at work and answer the following questions about that role? If you can you will be more likely to accept the input of a third party resolution.

1. What activities do you conduct as a third party?
2. What values underlie your third-party role?
3. What obstacles do you face in this role?
4. What conditions are necessary for you to carry out your role effectively?

Subordinate to supervisor conflict resolution can be a difficult path to navigate. Often the best medicine is preventative and involve building effective relationships in the first place.

A good boss is someone who can effectively run a company and communicate with, and understand, their employees. If a boss involves their employees in business decisions, shows appreciation for hard work, and responds with bonuses and gifts at Christmas time, most people would enjoy working for them.

However, a difficult relationship with the boss is a common cause of work-related stress. Examples of difficult behavior shown by some bosses include lack of communication, verbal bullying, inflexible thinking and rudeness.

There are various strategies you can use to try and build a better relationship with your boss.

Some common, but unhelpful, ways that some people deal with difficult bosses include:

• Using the same behavior, such as rudeness or shouting
• Silence and meek compliance
• Avoiding interaction with the boss
• Increased absenteeism
• Quitting.

Conflict can develop when people’s ideas, decisions or actions relating directly to the job are opposed; or when two people just don’t get along. The latter is often called ‘a personality clash’. It can be hard to distinguish between the two. For example, your dislike for your boss may be caused by their initial refusal to listen to your ideas.

If you and your boss are divided by different thoughts on business practices, there are various ways to open the lines of communication, including:

• Be calm and reasonable. Remember that your boss is not obliged to feel the same way about things as you do.
• Aim to solve the disagreement, rather than win the argument. Be prepared to compromise.
• Approach your boss in a conciliatory way. Ask them for their opinions, thoughts and judgments on the issue. Really listen to them.
• Compliment them on any of their suggestions that you think are workable.
• Suggest your own ideas, rather than demand them. Explain how your ideas will benefit the organization.
• Perhaps your boss will be more interested if you thoroughly research your ideas and present them professionally, highlighting possible benefits and drawbacks.

If you just don’t get along with your boss, it’s important to find out why. Issues to consider include:

• Does your boss treat everyone badly?
• Does your boss treat only you badly?
• If you are singled out, is there some unresolved dispute between you?
• Are you giving your boss something to dislike about you?
• How is your work performance?
• How is your absenteeism?
• Has a colleague noticed your boss’ behavior towards you?
• Could you be over-reacting.
• Do you have conflicts with other people at work?
• Could you be the one with the difficult personality?

Building a better relationship with your boss means first taking into account their temperament and personality, and tailoring your strategies accordingly. For example, don’t ask a compulsive choleric why they treat you badly. Direct confrontation enrages them.

Some positive suggestions include:

• Ask a colleague who gets along well with the bossfor their ’secret’.
• How do they treat the boss differently to you?
• Keep calm. If your boss simply has terrible people skills, don’t take their behavior personally.
• Assert yourself in a reasonable and calm manner.
• Don’t yell back, or take the abuse silently.
• Explain politely that you don’t appreciate being spoken to in such a way.
• Next time the boss yells or treats you patronizingly; ask them if you have done something to upset them. This may open the lines of communication.
• Change your communication style.
• Take the time to listen to your boss. If they say something you agree with; then say so. People sometimes yell and rant if they feel they are being ignored. Make your boss feel validated.
• The clash may be caused by differences in working style – you may like to be left alone to do your job, but your boss may believe that good management means close supervision.
• Discuss your working needs calmly, privately and reasonably.

Assertiveness means communicating your needs, wants, feelings, beliefs and opinions to others in a direct and honest manner, without intentionally hurting anyone’s feelings.

Suggestions on how to be more assertive include:

• Accept that assertiveness will take time to learn, just like any other skill.
• Practice talking in an assertive way.
• Use assertive language such as ‘I feel…’ and ‘I think…’, rather than aggressive language such as ‘You always…’ and ‘You never…’
• Don’t interrupt the other person when they are talking, and try hard to listen and understand their point of view.
• If necessary, seek the advice of a professional (such as a counselor) in assertive behavior.

Things to remember:

• A difficult relationship with the boss is a common cause of work-related stress.
• Examples of difficult behavior by some bosses include lack of communication, verbal bullying, inflexible thinking and rudeness.