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There are broadly two kinds of workplace conflict: when people’s ideas, decisions or actions relating directly to the job are in opposition, or when two people just don’t get along. The latter is often called ‘a personality clash. A conflict of ideas on any aspect of business can often be productive, if the parties involved are willing to ‘brainstorm’ solutions together. Sometimes, the compromise can be better for business than either of the original ideas. Conflict of this kind often generates better work practices and initiates positive changes that would otherwise never have occurred.

Personality clashes, on the other hand, are very rarely productive. A clash may start with a dispute on business practices and escalate from there to mutual loathing, or else the two people may simply have disliked each other from the beginning. This type of workplace conflict is bad for business, because it can lead to downturns in productivity and increases in absenteeism. On an individual level, workplace conflict is stressful and unpleasant. This anxiety may spill over into other areas of life and disrupt, for example, personal relationships.

How can you tell the difference?
It is important to work out whether the conflict is caused by a personality clash or due to a dispute over business ideas, decisions or actions. This may be difficult if the conflict has been raging for some time. Some questions to think about:

• Do you get frustrated or angry with the other person all the time?
• Is your anger just related to specific work-related issues?
• Do you feel angry about their views on work-related issues?
• Does your anger seem unreasonable or out of proportion?
• Would you feel as mad if someone else in the office had a similar viewpoint?
• Do you respect the other person in any way?

Conflict over business ideas, decisions or actions can create some extremely uncomfortable work situations.
If the conflict is caused by opposing ideas about a common business interest you could employ the following strategies:

• Try to stick to the issue in all dealings. This will encourage the other person to do the same. And if it doesn’t, remind the other person it should.
• Appreciate that other people have different opinions that are just as valid as yours.
• Work out whether the issue really means that much to you, or whether your dislike for the other person has hardened your stance.
• Decide that your aim is to solve the problem, rather than ‘win’ the argument. Be prepared to compromise.
• Push aside feelings or judgments about the other person, and try hard to listen and understand their point of view.
• It those strategies don’t work considering getting other objective parties to mediate.

Personality Clashes

If conflict between you and another is caused by basic personality clashes, the conflict will most likely continue. That is a standard unless attitudes and behaviors are changed.

There are a few suggestions that can change the culture of your environment. Those suggestions include:

• Accept that people are different.

• Think about how much energy is wasted in your dislike for the other person, and how you could invest that energy in more productive ways.

• Don’t gossip or complain about the person to others or listen to the gossip of others.

• Try to be reasonable and polite, or at least neutral, to the person you don’t particularly care for and expect civility from everyone around you.

• Make a conscious effort to work towards making your workplace a friendlier environment.

“Difficulties are meant to rouse, not discourage.
The human spirit is to grow strong
by conflict.” William Ellery Channing
American, 1780-1842

The Peer to Peer Model

One way to peacefully resolve conflict is for each side

• to come together voluntarily
• to work cooperatively on the issues

Meet in a private location and

• Gather information: identify key issues without making accusations
  Focus on what the issues are, not who did what
  Do not accuse, find fault, call names
• Each party states their position and how it has affected them;
  Others listen attentively and respectfully without interruption
• Each party, in turn, repeats or describes as best they can
  the other’s position to the listener’s satisfaction
  (c.f. Franklin Covey’s fifth habit “Seek first to understand, then to be understood“)
• Parties try to view the issue from other points of view beside the two conflicting ones
• Parties brain storm to find the middle ground, a point of balance, creative solutions, etc.
• Each side volunteers what he or she can do to resolve the conflict or solve the problem
• A procedure is identified should disagreement arise

Conflict resolution should be a voluntary process that

• Reflects one values if applied throughout.
• Is also modeled and followed by all parties.
• will fail if perceived as a process for conflicting parties only

Each party in collaborative conflict resolution should feel empowered to speak their mind, feel listened to, and feel they are a critical part of the solution. So also, each is obligated to respect and listen to others, try to understand their point of view; and actively work toward a mutual decision.

If the conflict cannot be resolved in this manner,
mediation by a third, neutral party (as in peer mediation); or
arbitration (enforced resolution by a neutral authority) are options.

Learning ways to resolve issues and collaboratively work through responses and solutions will teach you skills that can be applied in other settings. It can help you:

• accept differences
• recognize mutual interests
• improve persuasion skills
• improve listening skills
• break the re-active cycle or routine
• learn to disagree without animosity
• build confidence in recognizing win-win solutions
• recognize/admit to/process anger and other emotions
• solve problems