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Depending upon whose view of my family lineage you subscribe to either I, or my brother Paul, is a “seventh son.”

What does that mean? Why, isn’t that obvious? One of us can “heal the sick, raise the dead and make the little girls talk out of their head” (thank you Willie Dixon), of course.

A bit skeptic are you? Me too.

In fact,what it really means is we were both born and raised in a very rural, secluded area of the West Virginia Appalachians. In those regions people paid close attention to the workings of life and the cause and effect relationships of the natural events in life. And that such people were very adept at making observations and drawing conclusions about those relationships.

It also means that sometimes those observers made mistakes in their observations and conclusions, as any generator of hypothesis is want to do. Hens the belief that a seventh son is endowed with certain innate abilities.

In fact, one such mischance of identified associated factors as causal leaps to mind in connection with one of my close relatives.

I once had an Uncle named Jesse. He was an extremely elder member on my mothers side of the family. In his youth, Uncle Jesse had accidentally had an index finger amputated while working in a saw mill. Uncle Jesse made a full recovery and as the amputation occurred just at the first joint of his finger he was able to lead a very normal life.

However, local lore had it that Uncle Jesse was imbued with certain healing powers and could remove warts. He merely had to pass the stump of the missing finger over the wart and speak some mystic phrase and the wart would eventually go away.
I once had the opportunity to be in close proximity to Uncle Jesse when he spoke such mystical phrase. I leaned in close and listened intently as in his slow spoken, low timbered, deep voice he said, “Now don’t worry about it and it will go away.”

Don’t you know Uncle Jesse’s cure usually worked.

Ever though I pressed Uncle Jesse on the subject many times, he would never give me a straight answer as to whether he believed he was truly removing the warts or not. But, I do know his phlegmatic heart loved the revered attention his healing brought him.

I’ve later learned that a wart is a lump on the skin caused by the human papilloma virus (HPV) and as you know, viruses of this type usually go away on their own (Seattle Public Health).

However, one fact is undeniable. People felt better after one of Uncle Jesse’s “treatment.”

Further, Uncle Jesse was not the only such healer in the area of my home.

I began to look more deeply into the techniques of Uncle Jesse and the other colloquial healers common to my home. I noticed one commonality. Nearly all those who were considered to be successful used some form of touch in their technique.

Through the years my mind and temperament have never allowed me to let this go.  I have encountered quite a large body of research and work written on the healing power of touch. Here are a few of the benefits believed to be had from touch techniques.

1. relieves stress aids relaxation
2. relieves muscle tension and stiffness
3. alleviates discomfort during pregnancy
4. provides greater joint flexibility
5. promotes deeper breathing
6. reduces blood pressure
7. strengthens immune systems (remember the virus)

The very nature of this concept is tailor made to be utelized melancholy and supine temperaments among us.

Have you any such experiences to share?

Years ago I learned a devastating truth about myself. I’m truly lousy at parties.

Yes, I know, it’s horrible and I have struggled all my life to overcome it. But, I finally had to admit a Sanguine I am not.

But, I had to find a way to at least appear entertaining. Why? Because cute girls are often found at parties and I always had a weakness for cute girls.

So, after years of “wall floweridge” (yes, I know it’s not a word), I took action. One day standing in line at the checkout at the Piggly-Wiggly I picked up the cheesiest, most hokey, lame book I could find on reading palms and plugged it in with a vigor.

Guess what? The ladies loved it.

Now that I have long since married and no longer have need of the awesome power it provided I share the ancient, secret, mystic (is that enough over used language of intrigue?) wisdom with you. May you use it only for good. Or good fun at any rate.

Gaze now upon my own good hand upon which I have illuminated the secret, mystic…blah…blah…blah, anyway I put the palm reading indicator lines on it and took a picture.

( I know it is supposed to be the other hand. Just hush and enjoy it!)

Let’s break down the diagram one major line at a time.

1. Lifeline - indicates the vitality of life but not the length.Location: base of thumb to span between thumb and index finger.
2. Headline - indicates the intellectuality and thirst for knowledge.Location: span between thumb and index to the opposite side of the palm.
3. Heartline - indicates the physical and metaphorical matters of the heart.Location: span between index and middle finger to the opposite side of the palm.
4. Girdle of Venus - indicates the emotional intelligence and the ability to manipulate others.Location: span between ring and middle finger to span between ring and pinky finger.
5. Sunline - indicates the propensity for fame and scandal.Location: base of palm to span between ring and middle finger.
6. Mercuryline - indicates skill in communication.Location: base of palm upward toward pinky finger.
7. Fateline - indicates the path of life beyond ones control.Location: base of palm upward toward middle finger.

I truly did have a lot of fun with this system and was able to garner the interest of quite a few lovely young ladies. The only problem with this technique is you only end up with the kind of girls who are interested in palm reading, divination of the stars and tea leaves. And not being a compulsive sanguine after this was a bit over the top on the Fun-Richter for me.

So, I chucked the whole system and found a nice English girl who really knows what tea leaves are for and married her about 25 (+) years ago.

But, if you are a sanguine (or a melancholy who likes to mess with sanguines) you might find this an entertaining venture.

Mark Ramsey has written a great riff on how Walt Disney’s insight as a sanguine temperament helped him build an empire.  Read the post.

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The title of this post is probably not completely discriptive of the content. But, it was the best I could come up with to explain the process of communicating your point effectively when you encounter a conflict or a disagreement with someone regardless of their underlying temperament.

Here are my givens.

The argument is a lost art.

Most debate today quickly degenerates into screaming matches and physical altercations.

This should sadden you, because nothing so trains, sharpens and hones the mind as a healthy debate.

I once had a platoon leader who would solicit me to ague against his choices for the method of carrying out the logistics of our mission. He said it helped him find and correct the weaknesses in the mission. I believe this is one of the reasons successful business leaders do not surround themselves with “yes men”.

So, I do pick the occasional academic debate and one such follows here.

A colleague and I were have an exchange about business and marketing which strayed into consumer rights. He and I are in different camps on some bits and he did make over simplifications. His argument is simple, elegant, visual and doesn’t allow for rebuttal. This makes it beautiful for any debate.

Here is his argument, as I understood it.

A car company can move its factories to Mexico and, claim it’s a free market.
A toy company can outsource to a Chinese subcontractor, and claim its a free market.
A shoe company can produce its shoes in southeast Asia, and claim its a free market.
A major bank can incorporate in Bermuda to avoid taxes, and claim its a free market.
We can buy HP printers made in Mexico.
We can buy shirts made in Bangladesh.
We can purchase almost anything we want from 20 different countries.
But, Heaven help the elderly who dare to but their prescription drugs from a Canadian pharmacy…That’s called UnAmerican!

Again, I know this is an oversimplification and an homogenizes of many complex and unrelated ideas. But, as an argument in and of itself it is quite eloquent.

I love the way it takes accepted concepts as the seed and grows into a forest of seemingly supported conclusions.

I plan to analyze it and adopt it for use the next time I have a set topic for debate. The Achilles heel of this format is that it doesn’t lend itself well to on the fly debate. It is more suited to a planned argument. However, it capitalizes heavily on the desires of each of the fundamental temperaments.

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According to ancient legend,  Socrates was walking along the road between is home and the market to buy his daily ration of bread and cheese. As he walked along an acquaintance (who was also a notorious gossip) caught sight of him from some distance away and immediately began hurrying toward Socrates. At the acquaintance breathlessly and smiling greatly  approached Socrates he began to tell him a bit of gossip.

The exchange went something like this.

“Socrates! Socrates! You must hear this. There is something I must tell you about one of your students. You won’t believe it.”

At this point Socrates held up his hand to still the acquaintance and said, “My but you seem terribly excited and delighted. But, I can also see from the slant of your grin that you also feel that some of what you wish to tell me may not be wonderful. So before you begin your news I will ask you three questions. If your news passes this worthiness test, I will buy you a meal and we will sit together as you tell me all about it.”

The acquaintances smiled even wider. For one he had not had breakfast and the meal would be welcome. For another, his bit of information was so juicy he had no reserves that it would easily pass the worthiness test. And so he said, “Ask you questions Socrates. I am ready to answer.”

Socrates nodded in agreement and began with the first question.

“Friend, can you tell me with complete confidence that this information is absolutely true. And by this I mean did you personally witness the event of which you wish to tell me?”

The jaw of the acquaintance dropped and he assumed a somewhat anxious demeanor as he said,”Well, no. I didn’t actually see it. But, I have it from a very reliable source!”

Socrates replied,”Oh well don’t worry about it. I have two more questions that will allow you to tell your tale. Here is the next question,”Is what you are about to tell me a positive thing that ads value or goodness?”

At the questions the face of the acquaintance fell and he began to sputter, “Good?! No it isn’t good, but that is why you need to know…..?

Socrates raised his hand again and said, ” Yes, of course. I’m sure you are correct. If there is something bad happening that I can do something to help or improve I should certainly know about it. So, this brings us to my third and final question. Is there anything I can do about what you are about to tell me?  Or will the information at least be of use to me in improving the situation?”

The acquaintance was completely crest fallen and puzzled at his inability to share his bit of gossip as he said, “No, no, I don’t think there is anything you could really do about it. But…”

At this point Socrates interrupted and said, “I can see you are busy and have much on your mind. I’ll run along and let you get on with your day.” Then Socrates turned and went along his way to the market.

I enjoyed this lesson from the first time I heard it (though it was always in pieces). And I have often thought about the temperament of wise Socrates to devise such a cunning filter to eliminate his exposure to pointless gossip.

Let me summarize the scenario here.

Socrates stymied the gossip with the following filter test. An answer to no to any question ends the discussion.
1. Can you assure me that what you are about to tell me is absolutely true?
2. Can you assure me that what you are about to tell me is good?
3. Can you assure me that what you are about to tell me will be useful to me?

With this philosophy, what do you think Socrates temperament was?

It is now full spring and the Choleric temperaments among us are really ticked off at the loss of control everyone is experiencing. So, I am throwing out a life preserver.

If you are having difficulty coping with all the things you must accomplish here are 7 tips some of the most effective managers rely on to maintain their sanity.

• Identify your goals and determine the resources needed to achieve them.
• Get to know the needs of the people around you, and find out what drives them.
• Review your own behavior to determine if there is sufficient knowledge, skill and motivation to complete the tasks you have set.
• Delegate tasks and responsibilities to your support network.
• Set clear personal expectations.
• Seek coaching to improve your performance and development.
• Prepare for the unexpected.

In order to understand how to interact with boys (and men) we must have a fundamental understanding of how the brain of a boy differs from that of a girl.

Here are a few facts you may wish to consider in relation to the male brain.

Why doesn’t he listen?

1. Girls have more chemicals (oxytocin and estrogen) that have an impact on the use of words than boys. Girls learn more than boys by talking and so gravitate toward it.

Why won’t he tell me how he’s feeling?

2.The female brain utilizes more neural pathway and brain centers for language processing and expression of experience, emotion and cognition through words.

What could he have been thinking?

3. Boys’ frontal lobes are generally less active than girls at early stages. Thus boys tend to make more impulsive decisions than girls.

How many times do I have to tell him?

4.Girls will need less time to memorize school items, particularly in written form, than boys. The hippocampus works differently in girls than boys.

Why doesn’t he remember what I was wearing?

5. The male corpus callosum allows less cross talk between the right and left brain hemispheres than does that of the female.

Couldn’t he tell by the tone of my voice?

6. Better listening and detailed memory storage of girls are due to their stronger neural connectors in the temporal lobe. Boys pick up less auditory data, particularly in relation to “tone of voice” information.

Why does he pop channels so much?

7. The male brain may automatically place itself in “rest state” in order to recharge, often resulting in “zoning-out” or dozing off in class.

You now have the secret to the male mind. Use your power wisely.

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Recently a lot has been written to argue against the work of Dr’s. Michael Gurian and Leonard Sax about the negative environment which now exist for American males (especially black American males). No matter what theories of gender plasticity tell you the following statement can’t be argued.

1. Educational programs have been designed away from curriculum which incorporated accepted differences in the male and female courses. Although, these actions were taken with the best of motives (Title IX) they have had a devastating effect on the male population of our schools.
2. At four days of age, girls spend twice as much time as boys making and maintaining eye contact with care givers. Development of the visual cortex is apparent even at this early age.
3. By four months of age, girls are more likely to be able to distinguish between a familiar individual and a stranger.
4. Male babies are more likely to spend time visually tracking moving objects than girls.
5. Girl babies are more likely to turn their gaze toward a caregiver who enters the room than boys.
6. Girl babies focus intently on the words spoken by a care give and boys do not. This demonstrates the greater development of the brain centers connected to language in girls.
7. Boys are more likely to use toys as leaning tools (banging on things, pulling off doll heads) than girls.
8. Higher levels of oxytoxin in girls increase the likelihood girls will form bonds with toys and objects rather than using them as tools like boys.

Ignoring these truths are no less detrimental than ignoring the truth of fundamental human temperament differences.

Evil Child

We love our children. In fact, Americans may love their children too much if over indulgence is an indicator of love (which it isn’t). Even though we love our children we often don’t understand the motivation for half of what they do.

Last week I conducted a training on class management and the temperament of children. One of the participants was a VIF (Visiting International Faculty) from South Africa. By most indicators, other than being a little rigid in conversation, she was your average middle aged middle class white lady. She informed me that American children (All Americans?) were suffering from the following maladies:

• Selfishness
• Irresponsibility
• Demanding
• Self centered
• Oblivious to the needs of others

Seeing this as an opportunity to problem solve, I began to list these manifestations of behavior on a flip chart. I nudged the participants along to come to the consideration that each of these characteristics were closely tied to the inability of many children to meet their underlying needs for Affection, Control and Inclusion in an acceptable and productive manner.

As this was a good point for a break I explained that the next segment would look at practical ways to help students meet their needs in productive and positive ways and we took 5 minutes to stretch and hydrate.

After the break I noticed the VIF teacher, who had raised the question didn’t return.

The class continued on quite well and many participants were able to find practical strategies and techniques to address the manifested behaviors. But, I wondered, what became of that over stressed teacher who was convinced that American children are evil.

Is it possible that the evil person you must deal with simply doesn’t understand the Godly ways in which they can get their needs met?

Greater as a whole.

Have you ever wondered how much further your would be along on your success goals if you were just more like Mr. X, or even Ms. Y?

The answer is, (drum roll please…) no further along.

You see, the (but certainly not the ONLY) answer lies in the essence of the question that becoming more like another is changing your underlying temperament. And, although you may be able to manifest the behaviors of another temperament the turmoil it would cause you at your core self would be too great a price to pay.

So, rather than attempting to emulate or compete with the behaviors of another temperament why not build/join a temperament success team which capitalizes on the strengths of each of the temperament types?

In order to function at the optimum benefit level for each member you truly do need a Choleric, a Sanguine, a Melancholy, a Phlegmatic and a Supine. And you have to enter the endeavor with the following collective understanding:

• This is a team/group endeavor we sink or swim together.
• We help each other grow and we applaud the success and growth of each member.
• We must each contribute our strength to insure the achievement of the group and individual goals.
• Communication must be open, trust must never be violated, leadership must be fluid, decision making must be shared, conflict must be addressed no matter how apparently small.
• Systematic reflection on how the group can function more effectively for the benefit of each individual and the whole of the group must occur on a regular scheduled basis.
• Those who choose to behave contrary to the good of the group and each individual in the group are no longer a part of the group.

I realize the severity of the final statement above. However, it is essential for the ultimate success of all that no one individual undermine efforts of any.

Are you interested in building such a cohort of collaborators? Would you like more information in how to go about the establishment of such a positively motivated group?