The Phlegmatic Secret to Empathetic Listening
If you are an effective communicator you probably do a lot more listening than you do talking.
That probably means you are a phlegmatic or a melancholy as the following are the characteristics that make those to temperaments the best listeners.
Here are a couple of tips to help you hone your listening skills.
Silence can be more useful than speech.
You don’t need to give advice.
These techniques can help you effectively manage and hopefully avoid disruptive and assaultive behavior. When you listen you affirm the speakers value and worth by giving of your time and energy to hear what they have to say.
It can be difficult to listen. Sometimes we are busy. Other times, we are distracted by our own circumstances and concerns. Sometimes we may not wish to listen because the topic makes us uncomfortable.
Empathetic listening is one of the most powerful tools you have for building trust and rapport. It communicates to the speaker you believe they have value and worth. It takes the burden off of you, in that you don’t have to be able to come up with all the solutions. It allows the speaker to talk through the problem and arise at their own answers. It also relieves you from asking prying questions. The speaker is given an opportunity to vent his feelings without fear of judgment.
Five Keys to Empathetic Listening.
1. Provide Your Undivided Attention.
Make certain your body language conveys this message.
Make eye contact.
Lean slightly forward.
Nod your head.
2. Don’t Judge.
It won’t be helpful to deliver a lecture at this point.
Don’t minimize or trivialize the persons problem.
3. Read Between the Lines.
Listen for the message behind the words.
Carefully note the emotion behind the words.
Can you detect anger, fear, impotence, frustration or resentment?
4. Be Quiet.
Allow the speaker time to process what they have said and yourself time to digest the implications.
More often than not the speaker will resume before you break the silence.
You may have to say very little at all.
5. Firm up Your Understanding.
Restate the content of the message.
State the emotion you are picking up (You are really angry aren’t you?).
Allow the speaker to clarify your interpretation.
This process will place you in a better position to exert a positive influence on the outcome of the situation.