Your comment reminds me of something another person from India (Pradesh, I believe he said) told me a few years ago.

I was teaching in Florida and had put an addition on my home and as a result my pest control service provider came by to update the contract. I was outside playing with my two children as the man finished his inspection and brought the contract over for me to review.

As I looked over the contract the conversation went something like this…

Him,”I see you have daughters. Have you any sons?”
Me, “No, God has blessed me only with girls.”
Him, “Sons are desired by fathers, but daughters will care for you when you are old and cannot care for yourself.”

At the time remember thinking I certainly planned to care for my mother when the time came. Perhaps he understood more of kharma than I.

I appreciate you comment.

As the other reader commented, having read ‘Tuesday’s with Morie’, I don’t want to wait for the final days of my parents; but I want to enjoy their company ‘here and now’. Yet, it seems not possible.

So we’ve made a deal - they will be with us for 6 months and they will spend the rest in their town. So far it has worked out pretty well. I enjoy every single moment I spend with them (do I agree with all of them? do we disagree? Of course yet, but on a larger context it is not important).

Somewhere in Psalms, Moses says - teach us to number our days. If we keep the end in mind (as you recount Covey in another post) it becomes easier to put things in proper perspective.

So the question is: have you spent enough time with your parents whenever you could? And do you spend time with them whenever you could. As like anything in life, you’ll have to accept this fact that you’ll be away from your parents.

I go through these emotions that you’ve mentioned, whenever I find out that they are sick or that they need care. So I do understand what you mean. Yet, I guess you need to accept this fact (as much as hard it is)

My thoughts are with you. I send my hugs as you ponder difficult thoughts.

I’ve rambled on long

Thank you for sharing something personal here on your blog. I have you, your mom and your family in my many thoughts.

Despite how things have changed in our family ways I personally believe that your mom with hospice caring for her is actually in better hands than if it was you - I say this not to discount you, but to say that this is what they do. I know many hospice nurses and they are truly a remarkable breed. Special, caring, experienced caretakers for this very specific time in one’s life. They know. In addition to caring for her and only her, they also help the families transition to the death of their loved one. With your mother’s illness she won’t even know who is doing the caring. Yet she will feel cared for, where as if you had to you’d be missing the mom you treasured when she was quick and mindful and her spirit might sense this. They will tell you when it’s time to be there, they know these things and it will allow you the moments you need - YOU, to be with her at the end. It’s enough.

Many years ago after reading the book Tuesday’s with Morrie ( have you read that? ) I bought the book for my mom - I told her to read it, and that I wanted to discuss it. She enjoyed it and afterwards I asked - mom - how would you like to spend your later years? How can I help - I am the eldest. What would yuu like my role to be? She very rudely said, I’d rather die than have you take care of me. Interestingly, even though she basically refused my participation - I was relieved. See - she was a terrible abuser of her life, and her body and deeply I thought I don’t know how to care for her and to handle how angry I might feel that she was dying perhaps because of all of her despicable behavior. Of course there is much more to this story as my mom and I are no longer in contact. I just can’t ieven magine myself caring for her on her dying bed. Besides the discord between us. I just feel I am not equipped in experience to handle that.

I think so often we think how a final day or last breath might be, for me I’d love it to be quiet and without me knowing to much about it in the physical sense anyway. I think the spirit part of me has managed it time and time again and knows just what to do.

Again my many thoughts Reg.