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Social Media is a current hot topic just about everywhere. People are scrambling to “join the conversations” on the various services, but also finding themselves frustrated (see Tori’s article “Why I suck at social media…” )

One aspect of that widespread frustration can be explained through personality temperaments (for an overview, check out this interactive graphic from MindTweaks, or this text overview here on Elemental Truths)

Each temperament and combination of has a different approach to technology, different needs when it comes to socialization.

Extroverts are happy to seek out new friends and contacts, while introverts are more hesitant, preferring to just observe, or to let others come to them.Some temperaments are quick to embrace change, while others prefer more familiar, consistent, and proven technologies. Privacy is also a personality driven issue, as some temperaments need to feel safe and protected, in order to participate in a social environment, while others would be happy with their own posse of cyber paparazzi. Also important is the level of control people have over their use of the service, including visibility, profiles, spam, and so on. We all use the services for different reasons, too - many of them related to temperaments: find customers, build a network of new friends, stay in touch with existing friends, share and inspire creativity, get and provide answers to questions, or just be generally social with strangers.

The frustration appears because most of the latest, greatest social technologies only address the needs of *some* of the temperament types, and make others distinctly uncomfortable, or even anxious. So being successful at social media means knowing which services are best suited to our individual personality, and how to participate comfortably even on services that aren’t well suited to our specific temperaments - otherwise, we run the risk of losing touch with our existing social circles made up of a variety of personalities, and winding up only with friends and contacts in a limited range of temperament - which is not a good thing. The best and most effective social groups (for any purpose) are made up of a variety of personality types.

It’s worth noting that while the older forms of social media (message boards, chat rooms, and instant messaging services) didn’t provide the networking or portability benefits of Web2.0 applications like Facebook, Twitter and Flickr, they did better provide a comfortable space for *all* of the personality types. Hopefully the new services will resolve the conflicts in time - meanwhile, we’ll have to find our own solutions.

So over the next week Reg and I will be exploring the topic of temperament and social media, considering the pros and cons of each service for each personality, from Supine to Melancholy, as well as offering advice on how the various personalities can best use the services for our advantage. We’ll be posting a series of interlinked articles addressing the issue on MindTweaks and Elemental Truths, but you’ll also be able to come back here, and find a listing of all of the links.

We’re hoping the result will be fun, useful, creative, productive, and reduce frustration levels. And *that* should cover just about all of the personality types!

This is a checklist I (Reg) came up with that will give you a fair overview of what YOUR TEMPERAMENT might be.

Other articles in this series.

• Temperaments and Social Media - ET
• Interactive Temperament Graphic -MT
• Social Media and The 5 Temperaments - MT
• In Social Media Measurable Doesn’t Equal Important - ET
• Supines and Social Media - ET
• Surviving Social Media:The Supine Struggle - MT
• Sanguines and Social Media - ET
• The Social Butterfly Meets Social Technology: The Challenges for Sanguines - MT
• Melancholies and Social Media - ET
• In Search of Intimacy: The Melancholy and Social Media - MT
• Phlegmatics and Social Media - ET
• Qietly Participatory: The Phlegmatic and Social Media - MT
• Cholerics and Social Media - ET
• Control and Conquer!: The Choleric and Social Media - MT

Open Source social media platforms we won’t address in depth (in no particular order). By the way, open source just means that you can read the programming code, change the code, modify the code and redistribute the code, usually free of charge.

• spree
• iSocial
• Mahara
• Yogurt
• VMukti
• The PeopleAggregator
• Appleseed
• Mugshot Project
• GetBoo
• Akarru
• Scuttle
• SemanticScuttle
• AROUNDMe
• Clonesumating
• BeWelcome Rox
• ICEcore
• Memephage
• InteractOLE
• Elgg
• CommunityNews
• OpenPNE
• MonkeyChow
• NewsCloud
• Feed Me Links
• WorldSpace
• Social Networking POC
• Zoints
• earth-life-simulation
• PHPizabi
• OzcodeOzcode
• TallStreet
• Jamss
• Dolphin
• Ospo
• AstroSPACES
• FlightFeather
• SNOSS
• OpenSocialNetwork
• S3B
• Facelift

One of our shortfalls as a species is that we are ever comparing ourselves to others. We carry a sort of mental tally board around in our heads and all day long we keep score.

My car is nicer than his.
Her kids are taller than mine.
Our lawn looks better than theirs.
I wonder if she makes more money than me?

It is enough to make a person crazy.

So, why do we do it? Simple, we are the product of a society of liars. I know that sounds a bit harsh, but it is true. And the worst offenders are those closest to us.

Don’t believe me? Alright, I’ll prove it.

Here are some of the most common things people lie about (gender specific).
Their age (women).
Their weight (men and women).
Their height (men).
Their salary (men).
Their love-life (men and women).

Here are some specific lies people tell (gender specific).
I’m sorry (men in an attempt to move on).
I’m not married (men).
I’m leaving the office right now (men).
I have a boyfriend (women).
You are the only man for me (women).
I’m not angry (women).

Now for the part that will put you in therapy.

You’re a new parent who hasn’t slept all night since the baby came home six weeks ago.
Your “friends” say, “Our baby slept through the night the first night home from the hospital.”

Your mental score card says, you must be a bad parent or there is something wrong with your kid.

You start a blog complete with pay per click ads. The first three months you only make about $30.00. Your “friend” says, “I made $300.00 from my site the first month and its only gone up from there.”

Your mental score card kicks in. You must be a bad writer and should quit trying to fool yourself.

You put in 5 years into a career and the guy who started with you makes VP and you don’t.

Your mental score card says, “obviously, you don’t have leadership ability, or the position would have been yours.”

What is the answer? How can you save your sanity?

First, you should really consider not associating with people who make you feel bad about yourself (moms don’t count).

Second, measure your success based on YOUR progress not someone else’s.

Third, have enough sense to know when people are lying to you. NOBODY has a baby that let them sleep through the night.

No matter how careful you are with your selection of a career path you may at some point find that you are no longer happy with your work. Often this has nothing to do with how you feel about the actual job you signed on to do. In our ever evolving workplace leadership changes on a very regular basis. And every new leader who comes to an organization feels compelled to leave his or her mark.

Nearly every day I run into someone who is thoroughly disgusted with their job situation. I call it the Willie Loman syndrome.

This can be a temporary setback due to high stress, overwork or burnout.

The circumstances can also be so severe the individual requires a complete career change. Sometimes the only solution they see lies in the autonomy of entrepreneurship.

In these situations I recommend the following questions for self assessment.

1. What do you like to do?
2. What are your interests and hobbies?
3. What are your areas of expertise?
4. Do you have any special skills?
5. What industry are you most interested in?
6. What are your financial needs?
7. How much financial risk are you will to expose yourself to?
8. Would you be more comfortable operating a small business with a few employees or a large business with many employees?
9. How many years do you want to work?
10. Will your current physical condition withstand the pressures and stress associated with starting a business?
11. Where will you live and work?
12. How many hours per week are you willing to work?

The key is to takes the results of your desires assessment and match them to a compatible business venture.

1. Provide a continual rehash of topics that have met with moderate previous success. This will help to retard the natural evolution of the local economy of your writing.
2. Migrate all opportunities for input to locations distant from the community or readers you have established.
3. Siphon off any gifted community commenter leaders by blocking those who don’t espouse your specific point of view. 
4. Train resident readers to rely on you for leadership and guidance rather than operating as a stage for an exchange of ideas.
5. Centralize the core topics of your addresses to the extinction the local interests and artisan pieces of writing.
6. Through lending practices create an undesirable local market by haranguing those who “lift” pieces of your content to share on their own sites.
7. Drive as many middle class, conservative wage earning males and females out of your readership community as possible.
8. Encourage devaluation of your writing by the steady increase in uncontroversial topics as possible.
9. Encourage the attraction of the lowest common denominator of readership traditionally interested in blame and one upmanship.
10. Allow a build up of substandard, intellectually un-challenging topics as possible.

We are a nation ever seeking greater productivity. You will rarely pick up a leadership publication that does not speak to the topic. Unfortunately, though many bemoan the low productivity few offer you help for increasing your own productivity.

Here are a few mental nudges that you may incorporate to improve your own personal productivity. 

1. Procedure Streamlining: Procedures (you may be more familiar with the term Standard Operating Procedure, or SOP) tend to evolve without focus on efficiency or effectiveness. Bottlenecks develop that interrupt work pace and slow down work turn out, thus increasing costs. Procedure Streamlining reduces lost time costs, improves efficiency and optimizes quality.

2. Focus Workshops: Few of us enjoy workshops but if we provide ourselves and staff members with the proper training productivity will improve. Focus workshops and success coaching help us to reach and maintain goals. Such programs are also known as in-service training or continuing education programs. They are especially prevalent in professional fields.

Focus trainings also provide:

- Quality control measures

- Uniformity of procedure implementation

- A comfort reference source to rely on

3. Productivity Quotas: Quotas need not be evil or arbitrary. In fact creating realistic productivity quotas involves measuring work time requirement and using those times to project completion rates.

- improves the sense of ownership on your program

- creates a “bar” for measurable improvement

- provides an opportunity to calculate productivity for other functions

4. Operation Productivity Report: This report is based on the collecting data from each component within the process. This provides  data for effectively planning personal productivity goals.

This data is usually, presented by:

-Time of day

-Location

-Equipment

-Specific task

Embracing and implementing these four nudges will improve your productivity and free time for other pursuits.

As if there are not already too may groups focused on Social Media Success inspired by a collaboration with Tori Deaux, I’ve added another one. Tori and I had been footballing the concept of how persons of each specific temperament could benefit from the framework of social media for some time. Just now we are working up some drafts on how each temperament might best use thess tools.

What is already written?

The number of articles and blog entries on Social Media Success is astromomical . I made a Google  search on the topic and returned no less than 8.8 million results. Groups and articals are popping up like mushrooms.

So why would I create yet another social media group?

I would really like a simple way to connect with social media practitioners with an interest in temperament and how it relates to life success and personal interactions. What did I do about it?

I created a group on Linkedin and if you are already a Linkedin member it’s real easy to join at this link.

Who will operate the group?

If you want to help manage the group please let me know (post a comment). I don’t really want to “own” the group. 
 

What networking opportunities are ready?

At this point the group web page just points back to this blog but I will create a page for the group soon that aggregates news and information on the topic.

To set you mind at ease here are some hot tips from the Linkedin group FAQs:

Once you join your group on LinkedIn, your profile becomes visible to all fellow members. However, they will not be able to see your network of connections unless you are personally connected to them.

Each member of a group decides how fellow group members can contact him/her.

Can I get spammed? No. LinkedIn Groups is designed specifically for the individual and not as a groupwide communications tool. Therefore, there is no way for an individual user to send broadcast messages to all members of the group.

In the rurals of West Virginia someone who was useless for work during the day due to their drinking habits at night was said to be guilty of “consorting with dead soldiers.” Dead soldiers being the common term for a pile of empty beer bottles or cans.

In a community where the economy is marginal and depression surpasses the national norm, this is a more common phenomena than you might imagine.

As a tertiary result one of the most needed strengths for a counselor is in the area of drug and alcohol abuse; and such was a considerable component in my doctoral program.

Unfortunately, many with this self medicating addiction don’t want counseling. They want a cure for their hangover. And, if you want to make headway in getting the trust of these persons, so that you might be able to later actually counsel them, it is a good thing to have some of these “cures” in your repertoire. I don’t guarantee any to work.

Five Cures

1. Eat a banana. It settles the stomach and is almost as smooth coming back up as it was going down.
2. Aspirin and peppermint. Peppermint soothes and protects the stomach while the aspirin works on the headache.
3. Tomato Juice. It contains a lot of simple sugar (fructose I believe) that helps the body metabolize the alcohol.
4. Caffeine free Coke. The bubbles soothe the nausea and the sugar will make you a little more lively. Plus you’ll avoid the caffeine of regular coke which can act as a diuretic, something you really don’t want to deal with at this point.
5. Counter Attack with Toast Soldiers. Toast cut into 2 inch strips is perfect for dipping into a soft boiled egg. This is an excellent and nutritive, restorative for to counteract the previous evenings “dead soldiers.”

But, here is the greatest strategy of all, DON’T DRINK.

Alcoholism is serious, alcoholism is real, alcoholism is dangerous, alcoholism is treatable.
If you know (or are) someone who needs help, try these resources.
AA
Resource center
Hotline

As you may have surmise from my writing style I am a country boy at heart. Even though I continued my formal educatin to acquire some advanced degrees I often find myself calling to mind the eloquently spoken simple truths of the men and women who influenced me most in my childhood. These are the truths which have held value for me through the years.

I will share a few of them with you.

1. “Pull up your droopy pants, you look like an idiot.”
This nugget of truth was actually passed along to a nephew of mine by my uncle (his great uncle) Jesse. Uncle Jesse theorized the only acceptable reason a man’s pants should hang down rather than stay high as designed, is that his pockets are weighted with tools.

2. “Turn your cap around, your head isn’t crooked.”
That one came from my elder brother James who spent twenty-three years in the United States Army learning the finer elements of appropriate use of ones hat and the consequences for variance thereof.

3. “Driving slow on a gravel road in August does not keep the dust off it.”
This piece of advice came to me as the practicality of my choice to purchase a car rather than a truck came into question.

4. “Yes, I smell it. It smells like money.
This was a response to some ill conceived comments I made at my Uncle Jay Tomblin’s cattle ranch. And, the point was well taken.

5. “What is the matter, couldn’t you afford the combine?”
This was a response to some bragging being carried on by a boyfriend of one of my brother’s daughters about the expense of his Lexus. My uncle was then careful to note that he himself had a $250,000 dollar harvesting tractor but he only drove it three times a year.

6. “Yes, everyone waves. It’s called being friendly. You should try it sometime.”
Aunt Georgia shared that with me as we sat on her porch one afternoon.

7. “If that cell phone rings while we’re hunting, I WILL shoot it. You had better hope it is not at your ear at the time.”
One of my older brothers when I had the bad manners to bring a cell phone on a hunting trip.

8. “We eat crawfish and catfish. If you want sushi or caviar, try the bait shop.”
My daughters’ Aunt Amilea. Yes, I know it is usually spelled differently but her dad is named Amil. So, deal with it. Besides, she was kidding. I think.

9. “We open doors for women, regardless of age.”
From my dad, Carmie Adkins when I made the mistake of entering a store in front of a girl of about 10 years of age.

10. Coke should be brown, wet and served over ice. My dad again.

11. Mary Jane should be cute and have long hair. Once more, my dad.

12. High school sports are more important than their professional counterparts. Pretty much everyone in my home town.

13. If you aren’t nice to the waitress, you aren’t nice. My mom who spent many years working in food services.

14. I can make fun of my family and friends, you can’t. Actually, that one is mine.

Image from FlickrI have been told that my writing has tinges of Samuel Clemens, Grandpa Jones with a little Wilfred Brimley stirred in for good measure. Well, that is no put on. Regardless of the BA, MA and Doctorate I am country in my heart.

So, I must admit, when I write about leadership, character, problems solving and the like it is from the old style pragmatist point of view.

When you grow up, literally, on the wrong side of the railroad track on twelve pole creek in Wayne County, West Virginia you don’t ever out grow that country boy, root for the underdog, heritage.

A good friend of mine sent me along a good break down of the make up of a boy like me who grew up in the sixties not sure we should be in Viet Nam, yet with several brothers “in country” throughout the war.

I remember things a little something like this:

• It took 5 minutes for the television to “warm up” once you turned it on.
• Almost everyones mom was there when we got home from school.
• The only “pure-bred” dogs were Blue-ticks.
• A quarter was worth looking for in the couch cushions.
• My moms nylons came in two pieces.
• All my female teachers wore heals and had their hair done.
• Laundry detergent had a prize in the box like cracker jacks (towel, glass, something)
• If the family went out to a restaurant for dinner it was a treat we talked about for weeks.
• If kids got failing grades, they failed the grade and repeated it.
• Dad kept the car keys in the ignition and didn’t lock the doors because somebody might need the car.
• Watching the clouds pass overhead in the summer time was an acceptable pastime for friends.
• We played ball without the need for adults to be around to enforce the rules.
• If we got sent to the principals office, we got two whippings on the way home from neighbors.
• Candy cigarettes
• Coke bottle shaped wax koolaid bottles.
• Soda machines that dispensed 8 ounce glass bottles.
• Milk delivered to the door in glass bottles.
• Converse Allstars with the rag tops.
• Metal ice-cube trays with levers.
• “Ditto” paper.
• Racial intolerance was boys who didn’t like to run.

What foundational issues did you build your temperament upon?

Elemental Value Added Truth: It is good to remember a time when the worst thing you could catch from someone of the opposite sex was “cooties.”

An earlier version of this article appeared last year on my now decommissioned blogspot site.

Delivering bad news is a skill which must be developed and contemplated if you wish to do it well. Over the years I have had a little success with the procedure. And as a result of being known as someone who has had a little success and written on the topic, I have been asked to take on more and more of these situations.

In this post I have pulled together the input of Phil Gerbyshak (aka The Relationship Geek) of Make it Great! and Rosa Say of Managing With Aloha and Say Leadership. They are two of the best in the areas of relationships and leadership. I have blended their insights into my understanding of the logistics of the situation. From this combination I hope you will be able to find something of value that you can use.

1. Preparation

Consider the physical environment, opportune timing and emotional wellbeing.

Once you have found a location which insures the necessary degree of privacy you can set about to create a friendly seating arrangement. Placing obstacles between you and the recipient, such as desks and tables, can make you appear callus and uncaring. Instead, make an effort to sit directly in front of a female with no obstructions between you. Most females will perceive this posture as open and approachable. If you are addressing a male you may wish to arrange yourself so that you are both facing the same direction but at 45 to 90 degree angles. Most males will perceive this as non-threatening and will feel less “trapped.”

Phil Gerbyshak would caution you to focus on the desired outcome of the encounter. He recommends concentrating on building the relationship with and growing the person.

Rosa Say does a great deal of one-on-one coaching and she would challenge you to be alert for Golden Opportunities that may appear a little dingy at first. For example, the individual might make a spontaneous statement like, “maybe I’m not cut out for this.” Rosa believes, and I echo her sentiment, that we have a duty to counsel out individuals who are not suited for, or are unhappy in certain positions.

2. During

Make sure you and the recipient are of the same accord. Ask what they already know. Make no assumptions about their knowledge. I once made the incorrect assumption that the husband of a terminally ill woman knew of the imminence of her death. He was preparing to leave to return to work when I approached him with the information. After being advised of the direness of the situation he stayed and was there to ease her passing.

I always ask the question, “What is your understanding of the situation?” You may me surprised at the response.

Phil recommends concentrating on the specifics of the situation. He believes specificity on the problem rather than the person, is key to success. His reasonable logic being, if the person were not worthwhile you probably would not be devoting this much time and energy into finding the best way to deliver their bad news.

Rosa coaches leaders to be aware of the following elements during difficult situations.
a. their mood
b. their emotional intelligence
c. their work effectiveness
The foundation being, it is preeminent to be aware of your own condition during these times.

3. Soliciting feedback

By nature of my background at this point I find myself moving into the realm of risk assessment. I steer the conversation toward short term goals and future plans. I guide the conversation into the area of life outside careers as well as within professional topics. This allows me an insight into the perspective and perception of the recipient of bad news.

Although, many perceive this as a difficult task, it is really just a matter of asking a couple of leading questions and then being quiet.

Phil would caution you to be prepared for feedback that may be hurtful as the individual may be lashing out in emotional pain.

Rosa advises you to slow down here. Learn to be comfortable in the moments of silence that develop during difficult exchanges. Give time for the process to ferment and come to fruition before responding too quickly.

4. Wrapping up gently

I firmly believe that it is imperative that you place a time limit on these situations. Some circumstances are so complex and convoluted that they can’t be adequately addressed in one conversation. Some times you must move on to the next moment. I always schedule another appointment thirty minutes after I know I will be delivering bad news. I don’t keep this a secret from the recipient but tell them at the onset that I have to be at blank at blank o’clock.

Phil believes this is an excellent time to make a brief summation. He turns the words in a much more eloquent manner than I, “Repeat the outcome, and your intention, the feedback, and that you still care about the person. Recall a time when you failed, and share this with them. You are human too, and humanizing the situation and showing how you overcome it is a great way to show them the possibility for success.”

Rosa considers this an excellent opportunity for you to encourage the recipient to practice inner reflection. A process she calls “Nana i ke kumu” or looking to your inner source.

5. Offering avenues of support

It is my belief that the leader has a responsibility at this time to arrange a follow-up time for questions and concerns. I feel it is immoral to cast away someone who has received bad news and expect them to cope with out support. In fact, this may be the reason I have had a moderate amount of success in this area.

Phil suggests:
a. advising them of your availability.
b. reassuring them of your desire for a positive outcome.
c. assisting them in removal of potential obstacles to their future growth.
d. re-clarifying expectations
e. communication you are invested in their success.

Rosa has written some excellent things that would dovetail nicely in at this point. The theme of those topics is “Kuleana.” This concept speaks to a person’s sense of personal responsibility and self-actualization. The acceptance of these concepts can lead one to tremendous growth and personal transformation.

6. Suggesting for the recipient to take out the sting

At this point I make every effort to see that the individual has an occupying activity to do immediately. Shifting an unpleasant situation to the creative and resourceful realm of your subconscious is an excellent way to process and assimilate information. How many times have you struggled unsuccessfully with a problem giving it your full and undivided attention? Then, on your drive home, distracted by traffic, ready for dinner this solution comes to your.

At this juncture Phil suggests offering the recipient several “what if” scenarios as a means to get them thinking about solutions rather than problems. Phi states, “What if allows us to think about things as possible, instead of impossible.”

Rosa approaches this facet from her belief that people are”innately good. If something is bad” it is that issue that you are addressing. She believes that if you concentrate on the issues of timing, and remain alert for opportunities much of the “sting” may be avoided rather than eliminated after the fact.

Elemental Value Added Truth: “In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity” Albert Einstein