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In order to truly understand the nature of the Melancholy you must be familiar with the speech of Arestophanes from Plato’s Symposium.

The original human nature was not like the present, but different. The sexes were not two as they are now, but originally three n number; there was man, woman, and the union of the two, of which the name survives but nothing else. Once it was a distinct kind, with a bodily shape and a name of its own, constituted by the union of the male and the female: but now only the word ‘androgynous’ is preserved and that as a term of reproach.

Terrible was their might and strength and the thoughts of their hearts were great, and they made an attack upon the gods; of them is told the tale of Otys and Ephilates who, as Homer says, attempted to scale heaven, and wold have laid hands upon the gods.

So, Zues smote them asunder. Well, of-course those that were singularly male and singularly female died from the wounds right away. But, those which were initially composed of the best of both were strong enough to survive. But, because they were rent apart, they spent the remainder of their existence seeking out that perfect opposite part which would complete them. And such is the origin of the Melancholy. Doomed to ever seek out the one with whom they may achieve perfect intimacy.

Yes, I know I ruthlessly butchered a perfectly beautiful poem. But, hey considering my pathetic understanding of the collected musing of Plato I think I made the point.

Intimacy is the most compelling desire of a true Melancholy. Many, like the split-aparts, will spend their entire lives on a quest for those they believe will be their soul mates.

Because of this the potential Social Media is ever more tantalizing to the Melancholy. They are thoughtful enough to realize that this medium exponentially increases their chances to come into contact with the symbiotic other they are ever seeking.

However, they choose to explore social media in a manner that many do not even consider to be a portion of the spectrum. You will most often find your Melancholies involved in the entertainment realm of social media. They are the role playing gamers who spend hours developing connections with bands of virtual adventurers to overthrow some evil overlord. They will garner millions of points on Pogo as they share of themselves with other online gamers the revealed insecurities of their souls.

To effectively capitalize on the benefits of social media the Melancholy must view it as a mythic adventure designed to bring together those who are destined to connect.

Original article in the series.

I’ve worked on several projects that have been connected in some way to Dr. Ghungsho Zhang. Most of the work has taken the form of his identification of a trend indicated in a numerical analysis and my development of a program to enhance or accommodate for that trend. For example, Dr. Zhang unidentified an over representation of males in discipline referrals and special education referrals in North Carolina. As a result, I developed a series of trainings for teachers which explored how male and female students have natural conduct differences that cannot be addressed in the same ways.

What does that have to do with temperament and social media?

Just this, just because something can be easily measured doesn’t mean it is important. For example, it was easy to measure the cycles of the moon (sunspots, comet proximity, tides, favorite ice cream flavors, etc) when incidents of misbehavior occur but that doesn’t mean the two are connected in any real way.

Again, so what?

That brings us to the numbers of Social Media. It is easy to measure (or at least estimate) the number of users of social media but without knowing the underlying temperament of those measured we will not understand the nature of their use of the medium.

Here are some of the numbers based on a study conducted by Raplief .

Bebo 5,806,867 members
” Bebo is a social media network where friends share their lives and explore great entertainment.”

Blackplanet 1,201,687 members
” BlackPlanet.com is your place to meet and connect with African Americans around the country.”

Classmates 3,051,761 members
“Find a friend or high school alumni from more than 40 million members in over 200000 affiliations at Classmates.com.”

Facebook 5,920,236 members
“An online directory that connects people through social networks at colleges.”

Flickr 2,068,097 members
“Flickr is almost certainly the best online photo management and sharing application in the world.”

Flixter 17,647,399 members
” Flixster is a community for movie fans of all shapes and sizes.”

Friendster 5,260,380 members
“Friendster is focused on helping people stay in touch with friends and discover new people and things that are important to them.”

Hi5 14,679,615 members
“hi5 helps its members stay connected with friends, family and others that are important to them in a simple, fun and safe online environment.”

LinkedIn 841,209 members
“Our mission is to help you be more effective in your daily work and open doors to opportunities using the professional relationships you already have.”

Multiply 1,354,647 members
“Multiply gives you an easy way to share all kinds of digital media, including photos, blogs, videos, music and more, all in one convenient place: your own personal web site.”

MySpace 31,845,954 members
“Create a community on MySpace and you can share photos, journals and interests with your growing network of mutual friends!”

MyYearbook 2,449,251 members
Offers quizzes and a weblog section, as well as videos and free content from CliffsNotes.”

Perfspot 1,159,539 members
“Secure your personal privacy. Find old friends. Have unlimited uploads and much more. For more information, visit us online”

Ringo 9,770,151 members
“Photo and Video Sharing Made Easy”  As you can see Social Media evolves and devolves FAST! Between the time I drafted this article in June and July 6 Ringo went off-line.

Tickle 6,481,601 members
“Tickle is the leading interpersonal media company, providing self-discovery, and social networking services to more than 17 million active members in its community worldwide.”

In each provider the lion’s share of the users are between the ages of 17 and 35. With the major exception being LinkedIn which has is greatest percentage (nearly 25%) of members in the 35-44 year old age bracket.

Still, so what? If you don’t know how these people are using social media to help meet their needs for control, inclusion and affection you really don’t know what is going on here.

Tori Deaux and I are going to try and use this series of articles to explore that concept.

Original article in the series.

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Social Media is a current hot topic just about everywhere. People are scrambling to “join the conversations” on the various services, but also finding themselves frustrated (see Tori’s article “Why I suck at social media…” )

One aspect of that widespread frustration can be explained through personality temperaments (for an overview, check out this interactive graphic from MindTweaks, or this text overview here on Elemental Truths)

Each temperament and combination of has a different approach to technology, different needs when it comes to socialization.

Extroverts are happy to seek out new friends and contacts, while introverts are more hesitant, preferring to just observe, or to let others come to them.Some temperaments are quick to embrace change, while others prefer more familiar, consistent, and proven technologies. Privacy is also a personality driven issue, as some temperaments need to feel safe and protected, in order to participate in a social environment, while others would be happy with their own posse of cyber paparazzi. Also important is the level of control people have over their use of the service, including visibility, profiles, spam, and so on. We all use the services for different reasons, too - many of them related to temperaments: find customers, build a network of new friends, stay in touch with existing friends, share and inspire creativity, get and provide answers to questions, or just be generally social with strangers.

The frustration appears because most of the latest, greatest social technologies only address the needs of *some* of the temperament types, and make others distinctly uncomfortable, or even anxious. So being successful at social media means knowing which services are best suited to our individual personality, and how to participate comfortably even on services that aren’t well suited to our specific temperaments - otherwise, we run the risk of losing touch with our existing social circles made up of a variety of personalities, and winding up only with friends and contacts in a limited range of temperament - which is not a good thing. The best and most effective social groups (for any purpose) are made up of a variety of personality types.

It’s worth noting that while the older forms of social media (message boards, chat rooms, and instant messaging services) didn’t provide the networking or portability benefits of Web2.0 applications like Facebook, Twitter and Flickr, they did better provide a comfortable space for *all* of the personality types. Hopefully the new services will resolve the conflicts in time - meanwhile, we’ll have to find our own solutions.

So over the next week Reg and I will be exploring the topic of temperament and social media, considering the pros and cons of each service for each personality, from Supine to Melancholy, as well as offering advice on how the various personalities can best use the services for our advantage. We’ll be posting a series of interlinked articles addressing the issue on MindTweaks and Elemental Truths, but you’ll also be able to come back here, and find a listing of all of the links.

We’re hoping the result will be fun, useful, creative, productive, and reduce frustration levels. And *that* should cover just about all of the personality types!

This is a checklist I (Reg) came up with that will give you a fair overview of what YOUR TEMPERAMENT might be.

Other articles in this series.

• Temperaments and Social Media - ET
• Interactive Temperament Graphic -MT
• Social Media and The 5 Temperaments - MT
• In Social Media Measurable Doesn’t Equal Important - ET
• Supines and Social Media - ET
• Surviving Social Media:The Supine Struggle - MT
• Sanguines and Social Media - ET
• The Social Butterfly Meets Social Technology: The Challenges for Sanguines - MT
• Melancholies and Social Media - ET
• In Search of Intimacy: The Melancholy and Social Media - MT
• Phlegmatics and Social Media - ET
• Qietly Participatory: The Phlegmatic and Social Media - MT
• Cholerics and Social Media - ET
• Control and Conquer!: The Choleric and Social Media - MT

Open Source social media platforms we won’t address in depth (in no particular order). By the way, open source just means that you can read the programming code, change the code, modify the code and redistribute the code, usually free of charge.

• spree
• iSocial
• Mahara
• Yogurt
• VMukti
• The PeopleAggregator
• Appleseed
• Mugshot Project
• GetBoo
• Akarru
• Scuttle
• SemanticScuttle
• AROUNDMe
• Clonesumating
• BeWelcome Rox
• ICEcore
• Memephage
• InteractOLE
• Elgg
• CommunityNews
• OpenPNE
• MonkeyChow
• NewsCloud
• Feed Me Links
• WorldSpace
• Social Networking POC
• Zoints
• earth-life-simulation
• PHPizabi
• OzcodeOzcode
• TallStreet
• Jamss
• Dolphin
• Ospo
• AstroSPACES
• FlightFeather
• SNOSS
• OpenSocialNetwork
• S3B
• Facelift

If you are an effective communicator you probably do a lot more listening than you do talking.

That probably means you are a phlegmatic or a melancholy as the following are the characteristics that make those to temperaments the best listeners.

Here are a couple of tips to help you hone your listening skills.
Silence can be more useful than speech.

You don’t need to give advice.

These techniques can help you effectively manage and hopefully avoid disruptive and assaultive behavior. When you listen you affirm the speakers value and worth by giving of your time and energy to hear what they have to say.

It can be difficult to listen. Sometimes we are busy. Other times, we are distracted by our own circumstances and concerns. Sometimes we may not wish to listen because the topic makes us uncomfortable.

Empathetic listening is one of the most powerful tools you have for building trust and rapport. It communicates to the speaker you believe they have value and worth. It takes the burden off of you, in that you don’t have to be able to come up with all the solutions. It allows the speaker to talk through the problem and arise at their own answers. It also relieves you from asking prying questions. The speaker is given an opportunity to vent his feelings without fear of judgment.

Five Keys to Empathetic Listening.

1. Provide Your Undivided Attention.
Make certain your body language conveys this message.
Make eye contact.
Lean slightly forward.
Nod your head.

2. Don’t Judge.
It won’t be helpful to deliver a lecture at this point.
Don’t minimize or trivialize the persons problem.

3. Read Between the Lines.
Listen for the message behind the words.
Carefully note the emotion behind the words.
Can you detect anger, fear, impotence, frustration or resentment?

4. Be Quiet.
Allow the speaker time to process what they have said and yourself time to digest the implications.
More often than not the speaker will resume before you break the silence.
You may have to say very little at all.

5. Firm up Your Understanding.
Restate the content of the message.
State the emotion you are picking up (You are really angry aren’t you?).
Allow the speaker to clarify your interpretation.

This process will place you in a better position to exert a positive influence on the outcome of the situation.

The negative traits of the Melancholy temperament include being Moody, Critical, Negative, Resentful, Suspicious. Compare that to the wikipedia definition of a passive aggressive and you may discover an eye opener.

First, what wikipedia says about Passive Aggressive:

Passive-aggressive behavior refers to passive, sometimes obstructionist resistance to authoritative instructions in interpersonal or occupational situations. It can manifest itself as resentment, stubbornness, procrastination, sullenness, or repeated failure to accomplish requested tasks for which one is assumed, often explicitly, to be responsible. It is a defensive posture and, more often than not, only partly conscious. For example, people who are passive-aggressive might take so long to get ready for a party they do not wish to attend, that the party is nearly over by the time they arrive.

Now what the modern media is saying.

Tim Murphy has written a book which details how to stop your “hidden anger from spoiling your relationships, career and happiness.”

Murphy has written this book in three parts:

Part 1 - What is Passive-Aggression and why is it so Bad?
Part 2 - Passive-Aggression in Different Settings.
Part 3 - Solving the Hidden Anger Problem.

First and foremost, it needs to be understood Passive-Aggression is complicated, and it oughtn’t be lightly “diagnosed.” The same traits can be a myriad of other things masquerading as passive aggressive behavior.

1. Schizoid Personality Disorder presents as indifference, not desire for close relationships, preference for solitary existence, little interest in other people, little interest in sex, displays little pleasure in activities, indifferent to criticism or praise, “flat” emotional outlook.
2. Dysthymic Disorder presents as having similar symptoms.
3. Schizophrenia also presents with many of the same characteristics.
4. Even Alzheimer’s Disease or Adult Onset Dementia can present in the same ways.
5. Finally, even your average Melancholy who is meeting their needs in an inappropriate manner can show these behavior manifestations.

The point being self diagnosis is ALWAYS a bad idea and all treatment showed at least be supervised by a professional. So, following a course of treatment in a book can be dangerous.

Even the DSM has changed it’s position on Passive-Aggressive between editions III and IV. In the DSM-III-R Passive Aggressive was listed as an Axis II personality disorder. In the DSM-IV it was relegated to the Appendix B as a topic requiring further study.

It is also worthwhile to take a look at Dr. Murphy.

Tim Murphy, Ph.D., was an assistant professor of pediatrics at the University of Pittsburgh School of Medicine/Children’s Hospital of Pittsburgh and is presently on the adjunct faculty of the school. Since 1996, Dr. Murphy has been a member of the Pennsylvania State Senate and is the only representative with a background in health care. He has served on numerous committees concerned with public health and welfare, education, aging, and youth, and he makes regular appearances on television and radio (If your are interested in reading Dr. Murphy’s book you may find it by searching the Body and Soul link on the left margin of this page).

What do you think?

Elemental Value Added Truth: Everyone who hides their hostility by being nice to someone they dislike rather than addressing why they dislike the person, is by definition, passive aggressive.

If you do a Google search on “how to argue” you will get about 45,000,000 search engine results on the topic. They span the gambit for pieces of satire about the futility of argument to long think pieces written by the legal community about building a preponderance of evidence.

But, what most of us are interested in is a much more simple concept of how to present our beliefs intelligently and how to assess the argument of others fairly.

The temperament experts at arguing are the Phlegmatic Melancholy persons. They have the keen analytical insight to explore any argument for fundamental flaws. Socrates was most likely a Phlegmatic Melancholy.

Because I have always been a fan of intuitive logic and one of the greatest intuitive thinkers of all time was Socrates, I studied the Socratic Filter for a way to adapt it to the assessment of argument. After some time I came up with something that I think works fairly well.

It basically boils down to the following two questions, that I like to call “The Phlegmatic Melancholy Filter.”

1. Why do you say that?

2. So, what?

If your argument, or anyone else’s can pass this assessment then it is a valid argument. If it can’t then it is just so much air, or ink, or pixelation. If I can’t come up with an argument that matches these two criteria legitimately, then I won’t make the argument. Likewise, I assess the argument of others the same way. If they can’t make a case with those two items then they are working from a prejudicial point of view, and debate is pointless because they will never admit defeat.

Here is an example. Two colleagues are debating the acceptability of “Casual Friday.” Neither is particularly vested but they polar feelings about the issue.

Person 1: “Casual Friday’s is good for staff moral.”
Person 2: “Why do you say that?”

Person 1: “It’s obvious! When people come to work on Friday in casual clothes they are smiling.”
Person 2: “So, what? They could be smiling because they are looking forward to the weekend, or Starbucks actually got their order right this morning.”

Person 1: “Yes, but people will tell you they are happier in jeans.”
Person 2: “So, what? People will tell you many things. Can you prove their demeanor changes?”

As you can see, any argument not firmly founded fails the The Phlegmatic Melancholy Filter test.

Try it out.
Elemental Value Added Truth: A man convinced against his will, is unconvinced.

1. Find a quiet place where you won’t be disturbed.

2. Read the entire test before you mark any marks.least like you. Be objective.

3. Before each word in each column enter a number from 1-5.

• Five being most like you.

• One being least like you.

• Be objective.

4. Solicit two friends to complete the profile rating you in the same way.

5. AFTER marking your responses continue to the scoring key.

Choleric Phlegmatic Melancholy Sanguine Supine

Self ­­­_______ _______ _______ _______ _______

Friend ­­­­­_______ _______ _______ _______ _______

Friend _______ _______ _______ _______ _______

Grading Instructions:

Add only the 3-5 numbers which occur in each column (omit the 1’s and 2’s). Place the totals on the indicated lines.

Analyzing the Results

Your score summary now contains your feelings as well as the input of your friends. In most cases there will be some variation. However, your dominate temperament should be readily identifiable as the larger score.

These are, of course, very casual views based on the work of Dr. James Arno and some writings of Tim LaHaye. But, they can provide some interesting insight into your underlying temperament.

Temperament Overview

Choleric

Motivation: Power

Needs: To Look Good (Academically), To Be Right, To Be Respected, Approval

Wants: To Hide Insecurities (Tightly), To Please Self, Leadership, Challenging Adventure

Positives: Independent, Have Goals, Know How They Want to Solve a Problem, Decisive, Visionary

Negatives: Cruel, Egotistical, Unemotional, Domineering, Unforgiving

Melancholy

Motivation: Intimacy

Needs: To Be Good (Morally), To Be Understood, To Be Appreciated, Acceptance,

Wants: To Reveal Insecurities, To Please Others, Autonomy, Security

Positives: Gifted, Self Sacrificing, Helpful, Thoughtful, Faithful

Negatives: Moody, Critical, Negative, Resentful, Suspicious

Phlegmatic

Motivation: Peace

Needs: To Feel Good (Inside), To Be Understood, To Be Respected, Acceptance, To Reveal Insecurities

Wants: To Please Others, Protection, Contentment

Positives: Peace Makers, Quiet, High Self Control, Calm in a Crisis, Efficient, Good Listener

Negatives: Unmotivated, Procrastinate, Indecisive, Fearful, Avoider

Sanguine

Motivation: Fun

Needs: To Look Good (Socially), To Be Popular, To Be Praised, Approval

Wants: To Hide Insecurities (Loosely), To Be Noticed, Freedom, Playful Adventure

Positives: Entertaining, Outgoing, Responsive, Warm, Friendly

Negatives: Undependable, Undisciplined, Egotistical, Prone to Exaggeration, Compulsive Talker

Supine

Motivation: Contribution

Needs: To Look Humble, To Serve a Greater Purpose, To Be Accepted, To Protect Weaknesses.

Wants: Recognition for Service, Opportunities to Serve, To Contribute to a Higher Calling, To Be Protected

Positives: Caring, Giving, Gentle, Dependable, Loyal

Negatives: Insecure, Manipulative, Weak Willed, Indecisive, Harbors Ill Will

Free Online Tests

http://www.oneishy.com/personality/personality_test.php

http://www.advisorteam.com/temperament_sorter/register.asp

http://www.olympus.net/personal/athena/

As a Melancholy-Phlegmatic in Inclusion you appear to others as an introvert and a loner when in fact you actually prefer at least a moderate amount of social interaction. This is to say, that you won’t initiate socialization but you will respond if invited.

You like to keep a constant pace of productivity. You aren’t comfortable with “rush” work or with nothing to do. A moderate pace is most effective and most efficient.

You are extremely independent and do not like to be told how to do what you need to do. You a capable of making decisions and don’t need to know everyone’s opinion to see the best course of action. In fact, if others seek to involve themselves in your operations they need to understand the work must be done your way.

If interference runs high, you are not unwilling to lash out with harsh temper to put things back in their proper order.

You don’t openly express affection and prefer what you receive to be a private affair. You have very few deep relationships but those you do have are extremely founded, grounded and long lasting.

What other need to know about you:

• you must have your quiet time

• too much socialization drains your energies

• you won’t tolerate being controlled

• you want every thing done right the first time, and the way you want it done is the right way

• you have a temper

What you need to know about yourself:

• other people have good ideas too

• choices are not ultimatums

As a Melancholy in inclusion you may find that you prefer to your own thoughts and reflections to more frivolous interactions. You often take comfort in your private and serious nature when those you know are caught up in the  ”drama” of life. In fact, when you don’t purposefully take private time to regenerate you find yourself becoming impatient with others.

You typically approach very few with the aim of association and socialization and, truth be told, would truly prefer like consideration. A well performed task brings you as much satisfaction as many social encounters. And so, you approach people as you would approach the completion of a task. Which is to say, you seek the most efficient way of working with them.

Because of you hands on mentality your mind will rarely let you rest. When a difficulty arises you play it over in your mind in a continuous loop in an effort to find your error or divine a solution.

Your intense drive for perfection in others as well as yourself can be very off putting and can get out of hand if you don’t stay cautious.

What others need to know about you:

• you don’t like your possesions borrowed without your permission
• you don’t appreciate having contrived socialization foisted upon you
• you must have quiet time to recharge
• you take everything people say very personally
• you will use dry, cutting humor to keep those away who come too close

What you must know about yourself:

• you must learn to trust others
• you must learn to express your desires directly

Your phlegmatic/supine tendencies in control make you appear very independent even though you don’t always feel as such. You don’t seek control over others and won’t accept their control over you.

You have a love for “the rules” and can become quite rigid if challenged.

As a melancholy in affection you neither show nor desire public displays of attention. As a result, you don’t often have the opportunity to develop deep relationships. Those you do invest your trust in are invested for life. Even if their behavior doesn’t warrant your continued acceptance you find it difficult to sever long held ties. You are loyal and faithful to a fault, even knowingly allowing yourself to be taken advantage of by those whom you trust.

One of the few temperaments that is doesn’t nearly always represented itself with heavy blending of other temperaments is the melancholy. It is not uncommon to encounter those who are high melancholies in control, inclusion and affection. In fact, this is true to such an extent that many are compulsive melancholies in at least two of the three areas of need.

So, it is not unlikely that if you are a melancholy you may be a compulsive melancholy in control, a compulsive melancholy in inclusion and a high melancholy in affection.

As a compulsive melancholy you may find that you prefer your own thoughts and reflections to frivolous conversations. Small talk and chit-chat are not pursuits that you choose to engage in. If you have something to say, you say it. Contrived socialization is a drain on your energy and patience. You prefer a good book.

You don’t typically approach others to engage in idle chatter and, truth be told, you would actually prefer they left you out of such things. You find yourself puzzled by those who are ever seeking to “include you in the fun.” It isn’t fun. You don’t want to be offensive or stand offish, you’d simply prefer not to bother with it.

What others think of you isn’t an issue you overly concern yourself with. You are self-motivated. If you feel something is worthwhile to pursue, you will take it up, if not, you won’t.

You have a tendency to under value yourself. In fact, when you bring something to fruition you seek out the imperfections in it so that you can confirm your undervalued self assessment. But, if someone else points out a flaw, you are easily insulted and offended and are not above putting them in their proper place. You drive for perfection from yourself and others can make things very difficult for you.

Your mind is constantly engaged. It simply will not shut off. This is especially true when you reflect upon your imperfections. Your mind is so adept at reliving negative experiences that those experiences become magnified and cause you distress long after they have ceased to be a factor in your life.

You have the ability to direct your mood via the thought path you choose to follow. If you think about the positives your mood becomes positive. If you think about the negatives, your mood becomes negative. This makes you an excellent listener as it makes you extremely empathetic with the speaker.

Those you fully trust are a very select few who have proven themselves to you time and again. Those who spontaneously try to engage you are viewed with a suspicious lens until you decide whether they are genuine.

You are rebellious and independent and hold no truck with those who attempt to foist responsibilities on you that you do not want. You firmly believe that as you have no desire to control the lives of others they have no basis to expect any control over your life.

You don’t seek out leadership, but if others choose to follow your lead because you take decisive and direct action they are welcome to come along for the ride. They are welcome, that is, as long as they adhere to your code for order, truth, reliability and dependability.

You prefer to keep your personal life personal. You don’t give yourself over to dramatic displays of affection and public displays by others tend to make you uncomfortable and even embarrassed. Deep relationships are reserved for a very select few in your life. But, for those you do allow into your sanctum sanctorum you would likely sacrifice your life to protect them.

What others need to know about you:

• you require time for quiet reflection
• you will not be pushed into frivolous social engagements
• you prefer tasks to chatter
• you want any criticism in private, if at all
• you don’t appreciate public displays of affection

What you need to know about yourself:

• Everyone must answer to some higher power, including you.
• It is imperative that you find a way to calm your mind, consider a hobby such as puzzles, fishing, hiking, etcetera.

Take a few minutes to reflect and share you observations and reactions in the comments section. I am interested in the perspective of all, but I specifically invite you to comment.

Other articles in this series:

What if I’m a Melancholy Compulsive Choleric?

What if I’m a Phlegmatic Supine?

What if I’m a Phlegmatic Melancholy?

What is a Blended Temperament?