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Social Media is a current hot topic just about everywhere. People are scrambling to “join the conversations” on the various services, but also finding themselves frustrated (see Tori’s article “Why I suck at social media…” )

One aspect of that widespread frustration can be explained through personality temperaments (for an overview, check out this interactive graphic from MindTweaks, or this text overview here on Elemental Truths)

Each temperament and combination of has a different approach to technology, different needs when it comes to socialization.

Extroverts are happy to seek out new friends and contacts, while introverts are more hesitant, preferring to just observe, or to let others come to them.Some temperaments are quick to embrace change, while others prefer more familiar, consistent, and proven technologies. Privacy is also a personality driven issue, as some temperaments need to feel safe and protected, in order to participate in a social environment, while others would be happy with their own posse of cyber paparazzi. Also important is the level of control people have over their use of the service, including visibility, profiles, spam, and so on. We all use the services for different reasons, too - many of them related to temperaments: find customers, build a network of new friends, stay in touch with existing friends, share and inspire creativity, get and provide answers to questions, or just be generally social with strangers.

The frustration appears because most of the latest, greatest social technologies only address the needs of *some* of the temperament types, and make others distinctly uncomfortable, or even anxious. So being successful at social media means knowing which services are best suited to our individual personality, and how to participate comfortably even on services that aren’t well suited to our specific temperaments - otherwise, we run the risk of losing touch with our existing social circles made up of a variety of personalities, and winding up only with friends and contacts in a limited range of temperament - which is not a good thing. The best and most effective social groups (for any purpose) are made up of a variety of personality types.

It’s worth noting that while the older forms of social media (message boards, chat rooms, and instant messaging services) didn’t provide the networking or portability benefits of Web2.0 applications like Facebook, Twitter and Flickr, they did better provide a comfortable space for *all* of the personality types. Hopefully the new services will resolve the conflicts in time - meanwhile, we’ll have to find our own solutions.

So over the next week Reg and I will be exploring the topic of temperament and social media, considering the pros and cons of each service for each personality, from Supine to Melancholy, as well as offering advice on how the various personalities can best use the services for our advantage. We’ll be posting a series of interlinked articles addressing the issue on MindTweaks and Elemental Truths, but you’ll also be able to come back here, and find a listing of all of the links.

We’re hoping the result will be fun, useful, creative, productive, and reduce frustration levels. And *that* should cover just about all of the personality types!

This is a checklist I (Reg) came up with that will give you a fair overview of what YOUR TEMPERAMENT might be.

Other articles in this series.

• Temperaments and Social Media - ET
• Interactive Temperament Graphic -MT
• Social Media and The 5 Temperaments - MT
• In Social Media Measurable Doesn’t Equal Important - ET
• Supines and Social Media - ET
• Surviving Social Media:The Supine Struggle - MT
• Sanguines and Social Media - ET
• The Social Butterfly Meets Social Technology: The Challenges for Sanguines - MT
• Melancholies and Social Media - ET
• In Search of Intimacy: The Melancholy and Social Media - MT
• Phlegmatics and Social Media - ET
• Qietly Participatory: The Phlegmatic and Social Media - MT
• Cholerics and Social Media - ET
• Control and Conquer!: The Choleric and Social Media - MT

Open Source social media platforms we won’t address in depth (in no particular order). By the way, open source just means that you can read the programming code, change the code, modify the code and redistribute the code, usually free of charge.

• spree
• iSocial
• Mahara
• Yogurt
• VMukti
• The PeopleAggregator
• Appleseed
• Mugshot Project
• GetBoo
• Akarru
• Scuttle
• SemanticScuttle
• AROUNDMe
• Clonesumating
• BeWelcome Rox
• ICEcore
• Memephage
• InteractOLE
• Elgg
• CommunityNews
• OpenPNE
• MonkeyChow
• NewsCloud
• Feed Me Links
• WorldSpace
• Social Networking POC
• Zoints
• earth-life-simulation
• PHPizabi
• OzcodeOzcode
• TallStreet
• Jamss
• Dolphin
• Ospo
• AstroSPACES
• FlightFeather
• SNOSS
• OpenSocialNetwork
• S3B
• Facelift

On May 12th the Wall Street Journal (of all people) wrote a great article about what the wealthy should pass along to their children other than money. They make a great list of the top ten of Peter White’s Elements of Care. Here are those ten items.

1. Necessaries — food, clothing, shelter, medical attention, basic education.

2. Affection — This involves “the great big person who takes care of me opening him or herself to me, making him or herself vulnerable and human in a way, connecting with me physically and in spirit, and thus affirms my significance as a person.”

3. Affirmation and Support — This is basically about expressing sincere belief in the child: “You want to be a cheerleader – or a doctor or an astronaut – and you can do it!”

4. Boundaries — Peter says that “we are living in an age where the lack of boundaries for children is epidemic. Boundaries, of course, reflect a closing value – that certain, reasonably well-defined behaviors are unacceptable, and that when these behaviors occur, unpleasant consequences will result.”

5. Guidance — “Telling and showing children how to cope, how to deal, how to create, how to succeed. Guidance involves how-to techniques such as how to do the dishes or drive a car but at essence guidance is about beliefs — belief in the sense of action motivated and circumscribed by values held by the parents. In the wealth context, guidance on budgeting is essential, and guidance on philanthropy, which may come from participating in family philanthropy together as a group, are good examples. Parents of wealthy kids are worried about passing their values to their children, but they needn’t worry about that if they are present to them, in quality and non-quality times.”

6. Respect — “This is really about listening. It is respectful to listen seriously to what the other person is saying seriously and to empathize with what the other is feeling genuinely.”

7. Trust — This means “relying on the other to act responsibly,” and to allow someone the opportunity to do the wrong thing.

8. Forgiveness — This is not about the glib “I forgive you.” “Forgiveness does not erase the hurt; by definition, it feels the hurt but decides to carry on the relationship despite the hurt.”

9. Religion or Spirituality — “My experience over the last 20 years tells me that children raised in an environment of religion tend to be more in touch with themselves than those who are not. When I use the word religion, I am not referring only to the organized religions — though I am not excluding them either — but I am speaking about an aspiration to higher and enduring truth.”

10. Letting Go — This is the most difficult and along with Necessaries and Affection, the most important. We must say to our kids, ‘I’ve done the lion’s share of the motherly or fatherly work, and I’m here and will be here for you as long as I can be; but the responsibility for you is now yours.’ ”

I don’t know who Peter White is but I’d say he has nailed the issue for all parents, not just the wealthy. Other than changing the order of listing to reflect personal feelings (you know me Number 9 would have to move up several notches), I probably wouldn’t change this list much at all.
What do you think?

Over the years I’ve answered a lot of questions about the essence of temperament analysis and how it can be used as a counseling technique to help people. But, it seems I answer the same basic questions over and over.

So, inspired by a brilliant little book titled Fish! by Stephen Cundin, Harry Paul, and John Christensen, I’ve written this little parable which tells the fictitious story of the Big Bad Wolf, who after scores of poor choices and years of misbehavior was pressed into counseling to find a way to address his maladaptive, antisocial behaviors.

The story opens as the Big Bad Wolf arrives for his first day of required counseling.

Dr. Adkins: Hello Mr. Big Bad Wolf. How are you today?

BBW: I’m okay, I guess.

Dr. Adkins: Good. Do you prefer Mr. Wolf, or Big Bad perhaps?

BBW: BB is fine.

Dr. Adkins:Alright, BB it is then. I see here that you are here for required temperament counseling. Can you tell me about that?

BBW: Yeah. I had to come here. Supposedly, I have some “issues” I’m supposed to work on. Say, just what is this temperament analysis stuff anyway and how can it help me?

Dr. Adkins: Temperament analysis is a counseling method designed to help you find appropriate ways to meet your underlying needs for affection, inclusion and control in acceptable ways that don’t infringe upon the rights and needs of others.

BBW:Oh great. Another touchy, feely “talk therapy” jockey who wants me to tell them how upset I am because my mommy didn’t hold me enough for endless months on end. This is sure to be useful. What do you know about me anyway? How many more minutes until we’re done?

Dr. Adkins:BB, your attempts to maneuver me into avoiding issues aren’t going to to be successful. I understand that you may be feeling distrustful and suspicious. You may even doubt my qualifications. Let me put one of your concerns to rest. My credentials are clearly displayed and you are welcome to examine each of them at your leisure.

I don’t feel compelled to explain myself. Remember, you came to me. On the other hand, I do want you to be at ease. So, I will discuss some of your concerns.

This is not talk therapy. Talk therapy can last for months or years. This is temperament analysis. The model is designed around a five session plan. If I can’t help you in five sessions, I probably can’t help you. Further, I’m not overly concerned about how much you were or were not held as a youth. Although, your desire to express and receive affection is definitely an element of your temperament and we will look into. I’m more interested in helping you find ways to meet your needs now in a positive way. In addition, as you say I don’t know you very well, we will be utilizing this temperament analysis tool to help us identify your basic needs for affection, inclusion and control.

Now, if your interested in finding the way to a better life, complete this temperament analysis and the intake forms and let’s get moving on this. Or, continue your downward spiral until you’re ordered to another counselor. The choice is yours.

……………………………………………………………………………..

After some reflection and examination of his options BB decided to go ahead and commit to the 5 sessions. He figured it would get the heat off his back and, truth be told, he was kind of intrigued about this concept that everyone has the same needs for control, affection and inclusion but they are expressed at different levels.

BB completed the intake forms and the Temperament Analysis and we set the appointment for his first counseling session.

In the next installment we will explore the results of BB temperament analysis and commence the scheduled prescription of sessions.

Adding Elemental Truths to your blog reader will insure you don’t miss the upcoming installments.

As I was surfing (a term I don’t love by the way. Can’t someone come up with a more descriptive term? Maybe ”mining for value,” “Seeking for Truth,” “Prospecting for Positivity.” Something that indicates the true nature of what seeking on the Internet truly is rather than such a passive couch potato image. Wow! That got off topic) I found a link link to a wonderful site called Best Wellness Consultant on a comment form someone with the moniker Mother Earth. I followed the link and found the site of Karen Hanrahan, a nutritional consultant who was celebrating 13 years of business success!

I was so impressed with the flow of her writing that I posted a comment to her site telling her how absolutely blown away by her work I was and humbly (I hope) asking her if she spare the time to drop by Elemental Truths and give me her perspective on how I could enhance my value as a behavior consultant.

She graciously accepted my request and provided me with some invaluable feedback. One of her observations was candid enough to point out the elephant standing in the middle of my room.

1. HOW CAN I EXPECT TO GROW MY SERVICES AS A BEHAVIORAL CONSULTANT IF PEOPLE DON’T KNOW WHAT A BEHAVIORAL CONSULTANT IS???!!!!

2. ISN’T ELEMENTAL TRUTHS PREDOMINANTLY ABOUT THINGS I HAVE A PERSONAL INTEREST?

3. WHY DON’T I NOTE THE SOURCES FOR MY DATA?

Aaaaaarghhh…………the light……it burnnnnss!

She abosolutely nailed me dead to rights.

1. I cannot expand my services beyond my present level if it isn’t clear what a behavioral consultant does and how I can help others.

A behavior consultant works with teachers, parents,  school systems, businesses and private clients to provide insight into the nature of human behaviors. Why we may struggle with situations that require us to process information and emotion in ways that are not comfortable for us, and the mal-adaptive behaviors that may develop as a result. The issues around the negativity that can develop when we seek to meet our needs for inclusion, affection and control in inappropriate ways. A behavioral consultant is neither a psychologist nor a minister but may capitalize on the strength of both of these in aiding a client.

2. Elemental Truths, at first blush to the new visitor does look like it is about my personal interests rather than a service tool.

Because of my failure to adequately introduce each topic in relation to how it is incorporated into behavior motivation, assessment and adjustment many of my articles seem disconnect and without a central theme. This is an editing issue I plan to begin to address right away, in fact with this very article.

3. Because I’ve gotten lazy in linking to research sources it doesn’t look like I have data to support everything I write about.

This is yet another short-falling that is whole due to my egocentric assumption that everyone who happens upon this site has followed it long enough to see how everything is interconnected (or should be). This is also an issue I plan to begin addressing right away with appropriate citation and links.

Karen Hanrahan has done me a great service in her frank, yet perfectly cordial input. I am placing her site among those I read daily and strongly urge you to do the same.

Is the “Golden Rule” really golden?

Should you really do onto others as you would have others do onto you?

Many of the major religions of the world endorse some form of this moral and ethical yardstick. These are all versions of the ethics of reciprocity.

Bahai - “ascribe not to any soul that which you would not have ascribed to thee.”

Brahmanism - “do naught unto others which would cause you pain if done to you.”

Hinduism - “do not due onto others what would cause pain if done unto you.”

Shinto - “the heart of the person before you is a mirror. See there your own form.”

Taoism - “regard your neighbors gain as your own gain and your neighbors loss as your loss.”

But, does this “golden rule” prescribe the best application for everyone?

I find that I have, on occasion, mistakenly accepted this as true.

I have a strong need for control and order in my life. I need a disciplined approach to many of the tasks I undertake. When counseling others, I take a near formulaic approach to conducting the data and functional behavior assessments I rely on to offer suggestions and nudges.

I therefore have made the mistake of encouraging some individuals to take on more control than they are comfortable with. Not everyone has the same needs to exert control, or even the same tolerance to accept being controlled or directed.

Therefor, you should not always do unto others as you would have them do unto you. If I am the other, I may not have the same need to exert and accept control in my life as you. I may not have the same desire for the level of affection I am comfortable receiving or expressing. I may not be comfortable with the same degree of inclusion in the lives of others or as accepting of their inclusion in my life as you.

Perhaps, the rule should say ‘do onto others as they would have you do unto them.’

Is the golden rule golden or is is iron pyrite?

Does writing material at the level at which most people read translate to a useful tool to attract more readers?

Here are the approximate Lexile numbers for each grade level of reading difficulty.

• BR = Below first grade
• Grade 1 200-400
• Grade 2 300-500
• Grade 3 420-700
• Grade 4 600-830
• Grade 5 800-920
• Grade 6 850-1010
• Grade 7 930-1070
• Grade 8 1000-1120
• Grade 9 1020-1150
• Grade 10 1100-1200
• Grade 11 1130-1230
• Grade 12 1200-1310
• College Freshman/Sophomore 1200-1450
• College Junior/Senior 1300-1500
• Graduate School 1480-1700

Let’s take a look at the Blogs listed in the Technorati Top Ten. Technorati measures popularity by the number of incoming links a site receives. We’ll start with the most popular.

1. Engadget - College Post Graduate Level
2. Gizmodo - Junior High Level
3. TechCrunc- High School Level
4. BoingBoing - High School Level
5. The Huffington Post - Junior High Level
6. Lifehacker - Junior High Level
7. Ars Techica - Genius Level
8. Blog di Beppe Grillo - High School Level
9. Mashable - High School Level
10. Federated Media Publishing - Genius Level

Then of course there is Technorati itself, which is consistently written at the Junior High Level.

Basically, it appears that websites that are heavy in content and contain actual composed material which people are expected to read, are written at the Junior High and Early High School Level. Web sites that act a mere clearing houses designed to provide Readers Digest versions of content are written at a higher level.

So, the question continues, does writing at a target reading level increase your readership? Well, it certainly seems to increase the likelihood your material will be added to summarized versions of content carried by the most linked sites which appear to be most concerned with brokering information created by others.

What do you think? Does writing to a wider audience increase website readership?

I just read an excellent piece of work written by Steve Pavlina. the article was titled “How to Take Action Consistently.” In summary it is a really great bit on the importance of avoiding the quagmire of over thinking things and taking decisive and positive action.

But my favorite part was a paragraph section he titled “How to Create and Ride Thought Waves.”

Gosh that title got my mind revved up to do some creative thinking. Without even reading the content it inspired me to some outside the box thinking.

Mind mapping practically took over my thought process and I sat for at least 30 minutes in a creative free association mode. I rolled through concepts of every thing from the Silver Surfer to visual imaging of physically surfing the waves of the world wide web.

This simple mental exercise recharged me mentally and spiritually. Then, just at the height of the experience someone made a mundane negative comment (something about the less than ideal physical structure we happened to temporarily be working in at the time) and the whole experience burst like a too full balloon.

I’m trained in a lot of techniques, including graphic recall, and so was able to recapture the creative swell fairly easily. But, it dawned on me, most folks are not so trained. That is why it is so important to set aside time to refill your creative batteries and protect those times jealously.

Only be taking care of your own needs can you care for the needs of others. Even the airline carriers tell you “in case of a sudden cabin depressurization you should put the oxygen mask over your own face before attempting to come to the aid of others.

Even if Steve Pavlina wasn’t a great writer (which he is) I’d still read his work just for the creative titles.

As always I invite you to subscribe and share your thoughts.

If you have a plan and it gets rejected, adjust your plan and try again.

If you make an attempt at financial growth and is isn’t successful, try again.

Your temperament and approach to life determine most of the outcomes. Your personal financial situation is no different.

If you have a sequential, solid plan and implement it you will triumph over your personal finances.

We all struggle to balance our desire for short term gratification (spending) with our desire for long term gratification (long term return).

The person with clear financial objectives, works hard, saves a portion of earnings to meet specific objectives, eventually becomes wealthy.

The person with no clear objectives, can’t come up with $5000 in cash even if they are earning $80,000 per year.

Take the long-range view with your finances. Develop and maintain a positive, long range goals.

You must know specifically what you want to accomplish. Your drive must motivate you to consistent action.

Persistence moves you steadily towards your goals. This is particularly the case when they become hard to do.

Calvin Coolidge said: “Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not: Nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not: Unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not: The world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent.”

Choleric Temperament.

Many cholerics find this technique trying. They are not frustrated because they don’t have the discipline to put off gratification. They are frustrated because this is a system that runs under its own momentum. They must restrain themselves from making unnecessary adjustments just for the sake of maintaining control.

Sanguine Temperament.

This tip will be a challenge for the supine. It has little to do with attention, entertaining the troops or the spotlight. It might be best to enlist the help of a kind phlegmatic or melancholic to help keep you on track.

Melancholic Temperament.

This is a strategy that you will be able to embrace. This stepwise strategy is custom made for the high expectations and standards of your temperament.

Phlegmatic Temperament.

Your low key, sure steady hand should do well with this strategy. Your nature of taking the ups and downs in stride are great strengths in this area.

Supine Temperament.

Since the supine prefers indirect behaviors rather than direct action, they sometimes have difficulty putting this plan into motion. They must be particularly cognizant that systematic plans are by nature up and down ventures. Temporary down turns are merely part of the overall growth and are not personal attacks on the individual.

Jason Drohn wrote an excellent piece last week that examined the key elements to achieving small business success. In his article he listed several characteristics identified by marketing guru Seth Godin and added a couple of items of his own. Inspired by Jason’s work I, in turn, wrote an article reviewing both the concepts of Jason and Seth.

You see, this is one of the beauties of the information age. We have access to the concepts of giants which we can quickly turn to our own will and build upon. It is, in truth, a very exciting age to be alive.

I am going to attempt such a construction here.

Jason and Seth have listed the frame, I will now add my view of the elements of construction.

In order to build this is a logical and sequential manner, I will publish each segment as an installment which builds upon its predecessor.

I was recently presenting at a conference on conflict resolution when on a break I heard a very successful entrepreneur make the following statement.

It beats me how anybody can avoid getting rich in this country. More people than ever before are making fortunes. In fact, those who can stomach the requirements are reaching higher financial peaks than any in the history of this nation.

If people would just stop watching the other guy and put in the work, they would be amazed at the results.

Hard Work.

I know what your thinking. “I do work hard, and I’m not wealthy!”

I’m sure you do work hard. But, who do you work hard for? And what do you work hard doing?

Those who have a regular job working hard for someone else are quite probably amassing wealth. Just not for them. The wealth amassed goes to whoever owns the business they are working for.

The key is to continue to work hard. But, to change the beneficiary of that hard work from someone else to yourself.

Remember to do what you can to invest your hard work in and area in which your temperament naturally leads you toward your success.

Sanguine Temperament.

Continue to work hard and building entertaining situations and relationships. But, do so in such a way as to shepherd the ultimate outcomes of these interaction are productive or profitable, rather than frivolous.

Melancholic Temperament.

Continue to work in a way that conserves your energy reserves and builds in payback and residual benefits.

Phlegmatic Temperament.

Plan out your work effort so that you can easily track the benefits to your pursuits.

Chloeric Temperament.

Lead others in the direction for the greater good of all, yourself included.

Supine Temperament.

As the epitome of the servant leader you must take great care in selecting the causes you wish to support. Select those that meet your personal needs as well as being altruistically satisfying.

Jason Drohn wrote an article which encapsulates the three things Seth Godin thinks you need for small business success.

1. The ability to abandon a plan.
2. The confidence to do the right thing.
3. The belief in other people.

To this excellent list Jason adds two powerful components.

1. Vision
2. The ability to dream

At the risk of gilding the lily (I always wanted to say that with a straight face), I want to add one more elemental truth.

1. Keep moving forward

The spirit of this addition is summed up by a quote from Walt Disney.

“Around here, however, we don’t look backwards for very long. We keep moving forward, opening up new doors and doing new things… and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.” - Walt Disney

How is that for the can do attitude the small business leader needs for success?