ElementalTruths.Com ©

Many (most?) of the objectives we set out to accomplish rely almost entirely on on willpower (aka self-discipline). One of the most commonly selected objectives that people struggle with the most is weight loss. In looking for some nutritional research on brain function I recently stumbled upon a site that I believe will be of great help to any who are focused on that goal.

The site is called The Daily Plate (thedailyplate.com) and it has an enormous data base cataloging specific foods with their associated nutritional information. Once you enter some basic profile information the site will track the foods you consume (including water intake) and provide you an ongoing update on the calories, fat, cholesterol, sodium, carbohydrates, sugar, fiber and protein you consume. Upon entry of the data it gives you a running total of each of these elements you have consumed as well as a count down of the calories you have left for the day based on the monthly weight loss goals you entered. Not only that, but it provides you with a pie chart visual that gives you a clear picture of how much protein, carbohydrate and fat you have consumed (see below).

As an additional feature you can group the foods you most commonly consume as “meals.” For example, today I had an egg with cheese and a skinny latte for breakfast. I can select an option which gives these food items a common name (something creative like coffee & egg breakfast ).  :)  Or, I can leave them as individual selections and they will migrate to the top of your selection list based on how often you choose them.

Since one of the biggest hurdles in facing the demons associated with self growth is isolation, this site shows a lot of potential for keeping a person on target and motivated by charting even the least increments of success and placing the short failings in perspective so they don’t completely derail a person.

I typically, only endorse websites of people rather than organizations. But, this seems like a great tool for nudging us toward goals of self improvement.

In many of the businesses in which I consult and work with there is a them, “We are building this airplane as we are driving it down the runway.” This has become the mantra of American businesses and the American way of life. But, it hasn’t always been the way in this country and it isn’t necessarily the way business is conducted in every other nation of the world.

Did you know there is a train track that crosses Alps that was built before a train existed that was capable of making such a crossing?

That, to me, is a tremendous act of faith. The same type of faith required to build any successful venture. In fact, every person who begins building a blog with the intention of creating a business presence or helping others has undertaken just such a leap of faith.

It takes an incredible amount of faith and an extremely optimistic mindset to devote hours to the conceptualization of a web page. The effort is redoubled by the intense work required to design the layout, structure the monetization plan and make this concept taken from an idea in your head to a visual representation which is published for all to view, critique and criticize. The journey does not end at that point, in fact the journey never ends, it continues ever onward as you daily create material to offer to those who come to your site for useful insight and resource. It is daunting.

As you can see, it is not a task well suited to one who tries building the airplane as it taxis down the runway toward takeoff. Instead it is more like the construction of a railroad track across a terrain so inhospitable the the engine that can traverse it has not even been built yet.

Imagine how much all the more is required to choose a plan of direction for your life to pursue.

I am trying to adjust my thinking along the same lines. I found that I was hectically trying to build readership by doing things that I thought would bring a fast audience. In doing so, I may have lost sight of my reason for building in the first place, to share what I felt would be of a help to others.

The analogy could be drawn to the motel bible. It’s there. In the night stand. It often goes unnoticed until it is needed. But, when it is needed it is strong and dependable. I am doing my best to make certain Elemental Truths is here for you, strong and dependable.

What about you? Are you a barnstorming pilot or an long sighted engineer?

This article first appeared at Lifehack Dot Org in September 2006. 

This is an overview of the traits of a great leader. It is a collection of the fundamentals of great leadership and is compiled from many sources.  Are these characteristics specific to any one temperament?

1. Great leaders KNOW it is PEOPLE not PROGRAMS that create a quality organization.
2. Great leaders have clear, consistent expectations.
3. Great leaders take into account the impact of their decisions on those they work with.
4. Great leaders plan a purpose for everything they do.
5. Great leaders create a positive atmosphere and work climate.
6. Great leaders have high expectations for those they work with and greater expectations for themselves.
7. Great leaders consistently apply Socrates 3 filter test to anything they pass along.
8. Great leaders work to maintain positive relationships to those they work with.
9. Great leaders know it makes much more sense to retrain existing staff than to recruit new staff.
10. Great leaders treat everyone as a valuable entity.

Which temperament would lend itself best to these characteristics or are these traits which exist independent of temperament and personality?

(Can you pick out my sister? Or me for that matter)

My sister once asked me the above question when she found out I counsel more women than men. So, in order to answer her question (and cause her as much annoyance as possible, Hey I’m her brother) I’ve decide to publish the wholly unsubstantiated, unscientific, totally fictional list of reasons why men are happier than women.

1. Our last names never change (unless our faith converts).
2. The garage is ours, all of it.
3. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
4. Chocolate is just another snack.
5. We can never become pregnant.
6. We can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
7. We can wear no shirt to a water park.
8. Car mechanics tell us the truth.
9. The urinal can be pretty much anywhere in an emergency.
10. We never have to drive to the next service station because this one is just “too icky.”
11. Same work, more pay.
12. Wrinkles add character.
13. Wedding dresses cost $5000, tuxedo rental are 100 bucks.
14. People don’t stare at our chests when we talk to them.
15. Our new shoes fit.
16. One mood, all the time.
17. Phone conversations last 30 seconds.
18. We know stuff about tanks.
19. A five day vacation doesn’t need more than one suitcase.
20. We can open our own jars.
21. Extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
22. Those who didn’t invite us can still be our friends.
23. Underwear costs $8.95. For a 3 pack.
24. Three pairs of shoes are plenty.
25. Clothing wrinkles are outside our visual spectrum.
26. Everything on our face stays the same color as manufactured.
27. The same hairstyle is good for 2 decades, maybe longer.
28. We only have to shave our face and neck.
29. We can play with toys our whole lives.
30. One wallet and one pair of shoes.
31. One color regardless of the season.
32. We can wear shorts no matter how our legs look.
33. We can do our nails with a pocket knife.
34. Whether or not we have a mustache after the age of 40 is a matter of choice.
35. Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24th at the Sip-N-Go takes 25 minutes.

So, Sis…still wander why we’re happier?

(For my sister LynnaGail) 

This is one of those articles that has been cooking on the back burner for quite some time. In fact I wrote the title over a month ago and really wasn’t sure where I wanted to go with it.

I need to warn you if you are looking for material connected to the book by Dr. Rick Warren, The Purpose Driven Life, STOP READING NOW.

This article just happens to be of a similar title. I haven’t even read his book. I only know it exists because I do a search engine scan for like topics when I write. If you want Dr. Warren here is his site.

Okay, enough with the disclaimers and subliminal messages. On with the show.

Not long ago my office went through a major transition. I had been working with a dynamic group of more than 20 professionals that really cared about personal and professional development and we were making great strides in serving the those with needs in this area with high quality individualized products. Then over the course of two month span all but two of us made sudden carreer changes to other fields.

At that point I began a reflective piece on finding your niche of comfort in life, while simultaneously examining my own. Being a counselor this can be hazardous to my self-image if I allowed to become too self critical. Such was almost the case and I tabled the project for a time.

I was rekindled when I read a piece of work by Phil Gerbyshak.  If you follow my work at all you will know that I often feature Phil’s project and consider him a mogul of positive energy. But, like all of us who work to develop others, he doesn’t always take the time for the self-reflection necessary to continue meeting our own professional and personal growth needs.

Being an person of action, Phil put out the following honest and direct request.

“Friends - I need your help. I’m good at helping other people discover and define their uniqueness, but I’m struggling to find my own.

Please help me out by answering this question: Phil Gerbyshak is an expert in ________________

If you’re so inclined, please also tell me what industry you think would benefit most from my experience.”

Within a very short time Phil had more than 15 responses to his request. It was reminiscent of the “It’s A Wonderful Life” scene in which a tremendous outpouring of support that arrived for the main character George Bailey.

In fact, I offered my own input.

“Hello Phil,

I must admit I was startled to see you post about something I struggle with. You your work makes you seem so comfortable in your own skin I would never have thought you would even have such a question. But on to the questions:

You sir, are an expert at Servant Leadership. Ever seeking to contribute beyond the limited realm of self-interest.

The career perfectly suited to your perceived temperament is personal and professional development (yes, that’s what I do). It typically isn’t glamorous or particularly high paying at my level. But when I am training a group of professionals and I see them grow from negative doubt to enthusiastic embracement of an issue like positive ways do deliver bad news, the payoff in a sense of having contributed far outstretches the financial gains I make (about $300/day). On the other hand, one of your skill set would quickly become so highly demanded that you could set your own fee schedule.

I hope this helps.

As always, I wish you Great Peace and Continued Grace.

Reg”

If you do good works, not just good work, folks know it.

The important thing is to meet your needs for a purpose driven life in ways that positively satisfy your needs to express and receive affection, to exert and tolerate control and to include and be included by others. If you seek to meet those needs in positive ways which do not negatively exploit others you will find yourself nudged to the path best suited for you.

I would suggest periodically asking yourself Phil’s question of purpose.

I am an expert at ____________________________.

The profession that would most benefit my expertise is ______________________.

I invite you to share your results of this activity and tools you use to maintain your navigational course.

No matter how well you market yourself, your service, or your organization you will not be able to operate a successful business if you can’t keep your clients coming back and bringing their friends. Every time a client leaves your operation they need to feel “Wow, that guy really went the extra mile for me.”

You must always keep in mind, it’s just a short drive down the road to the next shop.

Here is an outline of strategies that show how to keep them coming back. These strategies have been carefully designed to appeal to every temperament type.

1. Demonstrate pride in what you do, especially in how you meet the needs of your clients. If you have certifications, diplomas, or letters of recognition display them. If you have testimonials from current and past clients post them.
2. Acknowledge the client as soon as they enter. It doesn’t take any time at all to smile, nod, wave or better yet greet them by name. This is not the mechanical Walmart greeting. It must be a sincere welcome. If you aren’t in front to greet your clients be certain to train you front line staff in the importance of making a client feel important as soon as they enter the room.
3. Make eye contact with your client when they are speaking. Pay attention two what they say. Active listening is an art and it is an art that you must consciously think about. Continue to actively attend to what your client is saying in order to provide them the service they need.
4. Introduce yourself to the client. “I’m Reg Adkins and I’m glad you decided to read my post in Elemental Truths today.” And I really am. I am pleased at every visitor I get and I like the visitor to know about it.
5. If you must make your client wait, make sure you have a darn good reason and that you tell them what it is. Notice, “I was taking a break,” is NOT a darn good reason. Neither is checking your voice mail, email or text messages. A good reason is providing the best service you can to the client you are currently working with.
6. When you can’t give a client exactly what they want, explain why and tell them what you can do instead. I find I often get requests from clients to find ways to change the behavior of someone else. That can’t be done. What can be done is an adjustment of your understanding of the behavior so that you can better interact with that person.
7. If you make a promise, keep it. Honor the promise even if it costs you big. If you don’t it will cost you even bigger. I promise clients a 5 visit model of counseling. If I can not help them get started in the right direction by that time, I probably can’t get them started in the right direction. I don’t have a problem with that because not every counselor is the right counselor for every person with a problem.
8. If you absolutely must use an after hours answering machine, returning those calls should be your first order of business in the morning. I recommend doing this the first half hour before you officially open. This way new clients aren’t kept waiting while you return calls. See item 5. I sometimes counsel individuals who are on extreme emotional brinks. It is paramount that they receive the support they need as soon as possible. I have arrangements with other counselors to take my calls on certain evenings and I take their calls on others.
9. Never let a client out your door without an invitation and a reason to come back. So, please come back to Elemental Truths tomorrow because I will be continuing with other suggestions you will be able to use.
10. Know what you will do if the client responds “No” when you ask him if everything met with his approval. By that token, if you not satisfied with anything here at Elemental Truths, I ask that add your suggestion to the comments section telephone or email me directly at regadkins@gmail.com or 336/908-5177. I’ll do what I can to implement the improvements you suggest.

As always I invite you to add Elemental Truths to your bloglines readers and post any comments you feel like sharing.

Not long ago I counseled a young man who was absolutely miserable in his current circumstances. On the surface there really seemed to be no reason for it. He was very intelligent. He was competent at what he was doing. He was fairly well compensated for what he did. But, was so distraught that he was having anger emotional outburts that were increasing in frequency.

As part of the counseling program I designed for him I conducted an Arno Temperament Profile. The result of the profile cleared away the smoke and made the key to his discord perfectly clear. In the areas of control and inclusion he scored in as a compulsive choleric. Which meant he needed absolute control over how he did what he did and who was involved in the process.

In the job he was in there was a tremendous about of ambiguity in the what he did and did not have the authority to do. One month he would have complete autonomy on his projects and the next he would need to have the same routine decisions approved. For a compulsive choleric, this is torture of the most severe sort.

Although, I rarely give direct advice (prefer to help my clients find their own solutions) I counseled this client that he would probably be happier operating a lemonade stand alongside the highway than in his current position. He simply needed that much control over his life.

As a result, he found a volunteer organization that needed someone to take on a leadership role for one of their major projects. When he found himself blindsided by the ambiguity of his work situation he could throw himself into the controlled order of his own choreographed construction at the volunteer group.

In the meanwhile, he is able to tolerate his current work situation while he seeks more compatible gainful employment elsewhere.

If you are a Choleric and you are considering a career path, or changing careers there are a few things about your preferences and your nature that you should take into consideration.

You may find yourself driven by the following:

Your Theme: Do it my way; do it my way now.

Your Drive: Righteous indignation.

Your Desire: Do what I say even if it is wrong.

Your Perfect Partner: Phlegmatic

As a Choleric you may not commit to a relationship because of fears of giving up control over your life.

You have clear traits in the three main areas of human need.

Inclusion – Desire to self initiate a great deal of social interaction, desire very little interaction initiated by others.

Control – Express the need for a great deal of control over others, desire very little or no control over their lives by others.

Affection – Express a high need for love and affection and approval, but accept it only on their own terms.

You are utilitarian in goal implementation and excellent at communicating abstract concepts. You are highly adept with strategies and gifted in analysis. Your greatest gifts lie in organizing, planning, configuring and practical inventing. You are strong willed and ever in search of greater knowledge. You rely heavily on your own powers of reason and thirst for achievement. Your view of the present is pragmatic, and you are skeptical about the future.

Best Jobs for Cholerics

Manager
Project Manager
Efficiency Experts
Engineer
Architect
Strategic Analyst

If you find my writing of interest I request that you add your comments and add Elemental Truths to your bloglines reader.

With the continuing advances in health care for the general populace and the developments in geriatric medicine the United States is experiencing a phenomenon heretofore not contemplated. As the population ages their ability to find acceptable ways to meet their needs for affection, control and inclusion in ways that a positive and compatable with there underlying temperament become compromised and difficulty interacting with others ensue.

Some months back I received a request for advice that illustrated the situation very well.

Here is the request. I have edited the request in order to maintain confidentiality, content and length.

“My mother is in a nursing home. She just celebrated her 80th birthday.

I live in NY, she is in FL.

I am middle aged. So are my siblings.

They all live in FL except for me.

I was the only one to show up at the nursing home to “celebrate” my mother’s 80 birthday. The others have nothing to do with her. Don’t visit her, call her, etc.

I am not kidding either.

I have become her power of attorney.One of my siblings in FL was previously empowered with the responsibility, but he was messing things up so much for her and taking things away from her that I stepped in to put a halt to what I was aware of.

I hired a lawyer for my mother who saw fit to step in as well.

I am disgusted, hurt, sad and furious that from NY I have to do everything.

I suppose don’t have to, but I want to.

I am really hurt that my hateful siblings won’t help me help my mother. And if you ask me it is shameful that they could abandon her at this dark hour.

She was an angry mother. Cruel at times.

I don’t understand it myself but I have been able to put this aside and help her in her final days. She isn’t dying but you know what I mean.

Why can’t my siblings do the same?

It is outrageous that I am in NY, 3 of them are in FL and they won’t lift a finger.

Talking to them or writing letters/emails to them is fruitless and only leads to anger and insults. As far fetched as it seems, I am the only one my mother really has.

She treated me no better than she treated them.

How is it that only one person from the exact same upbringing can forgive and try to help?

I am heartbroken that my siblings (although we have never been that close) not only won’t help my mother but they won’t even help me help her!

I am not the dark sheep of the family or anything but still, even if they can’t stand her you would think they would help me help her.

I am on the phone with the nursing home long distance at least once or twice a week “about something”. And yet there are 3 of them in the same state! One has an office in the same city she is in and lives in the next city over.

I am stunned that family can act this way. But I shouldn’t be. I had an illness and was rejected by them as well. I recovered but it was as if I had stepped off the planet.

My brother owns property in NY and it is an hour and a half from me. For 5 years he wouldn’t come visit me and finally did when the other brother came up this way and suggested we all go out to dinner (which didn’t work out well). But to avoid family during a crisis, I just don’t get it.

My parents are divorced. My father left us all as children for another woman and raised her children. He has ignored us completely. I know we are dysfunctional but that does not seem to help.

I am sick inside over this and extremely hurt. I stunned to be abandoned by my siblings and for them to abandon my mother adds insult to injury.

I thought all people were good and wanted to help others. I am really hurting and can’t shake it.

Please help.

God bless you,

J.

p.s. I am the only one who actively believes in God but you don’t have to believe in God to have values. Not at all.

J”

As you can see this individual is truly suffering. It is a clear description of how those from the same gene pool can have extremely different temperaments.

The mother seems to have been very high in the areas of control, while J. presents as one who is very aware of both real and perceived slights and may even allow issues to overwhelm her by over thinking them. There may be inclusion issues as well but without a temperament analysis it is difficult to be sure.

The following is a summary of my suggestions for J.

“This answer may run a little long in order to fully address your question.

First the foundation that may explain the behavior of your siblings.

We all have an underlying temperament needs. How we meet our needs in the areas of how much affection we desire versus how much we are capable of giving, how included we want to be in the lives of others versus how much we are willing to tolerate involvement of others in our lives, and how much control we wish to have over the lives of others versus how much influence we will allow others to have in our lives make up our expressed and unexpressed needs.

When those needs are not met (or we seek to meet them in negative ways) we demonstrate poor behavior.

These are inborn traits and go far deeper than mere personality. But, even though they are inborn, they are not exactly hereditary (here-in you find the difference in your make up and that of your siblings).

What you describe to me, is the presentation of unmet or poorly met needs.

If your siblings are frightened by the loss of your mothers’ faculties, they will withdraw. Also, if they feel they have no control of her condition they will not interact. Further, if they fear responsibility they will also shun interaction.

Although this explanation will not immediately change your circumstances, the insight and understanding may provide you with the emotional leverage you need to understand it more clearly.

May God Bless and Keep You.

Sincerely,

Dr. Reg Adkins, of Elementaltruths.com”

This individual followed up our exchange with an extremely complementary letter and a recommendation for a counselor acknowledgment commendation.

If you found this article useful or enlightening, or if you disagree, I encourage you to comment and add Elemental Truths to your blog reader.

An index of November assistance.

11/1/07 Purchasing Unclaimed Airlines Items at Deep Discounts.

11/1/07 Adults with children are more emotionally stable than adults without children.

11/2/07 Eleven techniques to make you a better listener.

11/5/07 How to achieve and maintain a rational detachment. 

11/6/07 How to develop a  presence that commands respect.

11/7/07 More strategies for becoming a better listener. 

11/8/07 Developing a voice to go with your commanding presence. 

11/8/07 An overview of the prerequisites of being an independent business success.

11/9/07 Reclaiming YOUR PERSONAL TIME!

11/12/07 The Six Steps to Wealth Attainment: Part 1 

11/13/07 The Six Steps to Wealth Attainment: Part 2 

11/14/07 The Six Steps to Wealth Attainment: Part 3 

11/15/07 The Six Steps to Wealth Attainment: Part 4 

11/16/07 The Six Steps to Wealth Attainment: Part 5 

11/19/07 The Six Steps to Wealth Attainment: Part 6 

11/20/07 The Six Steps In Light of Your Temperament. 

11/21/07 A Thanksgiving Wish. 

11/23/07 The Emotional Turmoil of the Holiday Season. 

11/26/07 A Simple Table Displaying Temperament Traits. 

11/27/07 Taking the Relationship High Road With Old Friends.

11/28/07 Thriving in Spite of Bi-Polar Disorder. 

11/29/07 Helping Your Abused Friend. 

11/30/07 Forgiveness, a Self Gift for the Offended.

Throughout the calendar year people experience a natural ebb and flow of emotions. During the bright sunny days of spring we feel energized and reborn. During the season of grey skies we often become so introspective that the over examined life brings on bought of self-doubt and down right emotional despair.

These are natural and to be expected. The surprising, even shocking, aspect is that most are unaware of the continuum of emotional distress that develops during the down cycles of these events. And the disastrous repetition of the cycles that can occur when those susceptible to the extremes of these cycles are unaware of how they develop and repeat in ever more emotional extreme pinnacles and depths.

However, forearmed with knowledge of development of these cycles provides us with a means of control.

The continuum follows the following pattern in all people and even though we may more readily recognize it in others, it is identical in ourselves and thus responsive to the same interventions.

ANXIETY

This is the initial level and is market by a change in behavior. Any change in behavior. For example, a typically subdued person who begins to display highly social and interactive behaviors is no less impacted by anxiety than the highly social person who becomes withdrawn and sulky.

The intervention at this early stage is acknowledgement of the behavior and controlled redirection to deliberately move back to a more “normal” persona.

DEFENSIVE

At the onset of this stage a beginning of a loss of rationality ensues. Often a tell tale sign of questions designed to challenge rather than seek information are characteristic at this stage. An examples might be, “why do you say that?” or “so, what?” The questions become more inflammatory from this point.

Proactive techniques would be an awareness of the developing stage and a firm plan of defectiveness and action programed to implement.

OUTBURST

Whenever you see an adult display such an explosive behavior that you find yourself saying, “I just seen an adult throw a temper tantrum.” you will now you have just seen an emotional outburst. Extremes of the behavior may even become physical in nature.

If you find you are the individual exhibiting the behavior, your best course of action is to find your self a safe environment in which to experience the outburst and process throughout. If you find you are observing the behavior, do everything you can to remove the audience and insulate the individual from interaction with others.

EMOTIONAL BANKRUPTSY

If you find that you are the person experiencing the cycle you will easily recognize it. After all the withdrawals you have been make on your emotional bank you will find you have completely spent your resource. A sense of emptiness and remorse may be characteristic. Some may feel remorseful, apologetic or in the worst case scenario, resentful. Missing the opportunity at this tension reduction stage will often reset the entire cycle back to the anxiety stage.

If you are the individual experiencing this roller-coaster this is the time for reflection and building a positive approach to address your next cycle of anxiety. If you are observing the behavior this is an excellent time to build a rapport with the individual through which you may be able to defuse later incidents.

However, extreme care must be taken at this stage to insure you do not make excuses for your behavior, or ignore the maladaptive behavior of others thus enabling them to repeat the cycle without consequence.

Next we’ll take a look at how each temperament might experience and relate to each of these stages.