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My field is behaviors and temperament. If I write in that area you can pretty much trust that I know what I’m talking about. When I want to know something about Internet publishing I read the work of those who know what their talking about. Ted Demopoulos know what he’s talking about and he has put together a very nice list on building the traffic to your site.

My favorite stategy is his “Pillar” Post Articles (I added the “Post” part, it was too much to resist). It is number ten on his list and it goes like this.

10. Write at least five major “pillar” articles. A pillar article is a tutorial style article aimed to teach your audience something. Generally they are longer than 500 words and have lots of very practical tips or advice. This article you are currently reading could be considered a pillar article since it is very practical and a good “how-to” lesson. This style of article has long term appeal, stays current (it isn’t news or time dependent) and offers real value and insight. The more pillars you have on your blog the better.

Read the rest.

When you are in a confrontational conversation be sure to remember the five golden rules.

1. Iron clad statements and absolutes are not good ideas
   1. “I know“
   2. Always
   3. Never
   4. Won’t
2. Conditional statements are more effective
   1. In my judgement
   2. I think
   3. In my opinion
   4. It is my belief
   5. The rule/policy indicates
3. Avoid the use of slang. Slang indicates a loss of control.
4. Use clear, simple, reasonable directives.
   1. Stop
   2. You
   3. Here
   4. There
      1. Emphasize the directive with a firm gesture.
5. Threats are counter productive
   1. Identify the offensive behavior that needs to stop.
   2. State the penalty
   3. Enforce the penalty no matter what

You may also give some thought to your personal presence. There are some fields of thought which indicate that for every 10 pounds a person is overweight their presence or stature is reduced 10%. So, if two persons were of equal height and one was 40 pounds overweight that person would present a 40% less commanding figure than the leaner of the two.

I’ve been working for many years in the field of behavior disorders and emotional disturbances. The aspect that most captures the attention of most people is confrontational behavior. The odd thing is, I see so much of it that I don’t notice it that much. That is bad. When you lose too much sensitivity to an issue you run the risk of being less effective in teaching better replacement behaviors.

Occasionally, I take time to review the precepts and thus reoriented myself to the key issues. As it is time for my self reflection I am sharing the exercise with you so that you may gain some insight into the issue.

Finally, I must often remind myself that confrontation in and of itself is not a maladaptive behavior.

First, what are the reasons some do not react in a confrontational manner to severe stressors?

• fear of rejection
• fear of consequences
• fear of losing control

Next, what are down fall areas of a lack of confrontation skills.

• uncontrolled outbursts
• emotionally damage
• altered sense of reality
• public failure

Who are those who are successful with the skills of confrontational behavior.

• diplomats
• leaders
• business persons

How can confrontational behaviors be utelized in a positive manner.

Before Confrontation the individual must engage in Introspection.

• why are you upset
• what do you desire
• what is the root

During confrontation the individual must maintain respect for the other party.

• time and place
• one to one
• calm
• mutual purpose
• body language

After confrontation defined actions must be put in place.

• agreement
• follow up

We tend to think of aggression as a very general concept. But, many psychologists and researchers (see Moyer, 1968) believe that aggression can be categorized, and thus addressed, by purpose.

In fact, there are 7 basic aggressive behavior subgroups.

1. The attack on prey by a predator known as predatory aggression. Rarely is this phenomena seen among humans.
2. A high level of competition between males that is intended to establish dominance is known as inter-male aggression. This is most commonly conceptualized when two rams engage in combat to establish dominance. This to can be seen reflected in human behavior.
3. Some aggression is closely associated with fleeing from danger or high stress situations.This is known as fear-induced aggression. This is another type of aggression that spans the species.
4. Another type of aggression may be identified when one dominant entity becomes frustrated and takes out that feeling on a weaker member of the group. This is known as irritable aggression. This too may be observed across the species.
5. Another form of aggression is that of a maternal figure who lashes out to protect an of spring from a real or perceived threat. This is known as maternal aggression.
6. The final form of aggression may be the only learned type. This type of aggression is demonstrated when an individual is extremely focused on obtaining some goal. It is known as instrumental aggression.

How do you counteract aggression?

You don’t. Aggression is the most basic demonstration of an inability to appropriately meet our needs for inclusion, affection and control.

Instead of counteracting how the unmet needs present, concentrate on the needs themselves.

It is extremely important that web based publications that are to be taken seriously maintain the delicate balance between providing useful information to those who visit and sharing personal information without becoming “preachy” or “whiny.” My personal tendency is to stray a bit too far into the rational detachment area. However, sometimes I experience (as do we all) personal circumstance that provide me the stumbling blocks which I can nudge into stepping stones for the use of others. My personal and professional life has been providing me just such fodder of late and I would like to share how I try to make the best of it with you.

Here, in list form (you know I love lists) are my strategies for overcoming adversity along with the shades of my temperament I rely on to help me navigate them.

1. Keep the problem in perspective. If you are still alive and actively seeking a solution you still have a chance. It could be worse. It will probably get better (Phlegmatic).
2. Don’t generalize the problem. It is a specific setback. Who knows what exciting change will happen next. Even the bible says, “It came to pass…” Nowhere does it say, “It came to stay…” (sanguine).
3. Use forward self talk. “Okay, that didn’t work. Not the best strategy. Retreat for perspective. More follow-through. Keep it lined up. Better. Better. We’ll try this strategy tomorrow. The overall plan is still viable. How you frame the problem in your mind is very important (choleric).
4. Seek the greater good. Realism is limited to the current atmosphere. Faith allows for possibility. Failing the cause isn’t an option (supine).
5. Hang out with sanguines. Hang around the dreamers, builders, positive influences. Their can-do spirit is infectious (melancholy).

Inspirational quote:

“… a tree planted by the waters, and that spreadeth out her roots by the river, and shall not see when heat cometh, but her leaf shall be green; and shall not be careful in the year of drought, neither shall cease from yielding fruit.” Jeremiah 17:7-8

I’m about to share some very personal information with you. While you are reading you may find your self saying, “Careful Reg, your melancholy is showing.”

I will start off by telling you that Hospice has been called in to assist with my mother. If you don’t know about Hospice they are a health care organization that specializes in providing services to patients with “life limiting” illnesses. Hospice concentrates on quality of life rather than quantity. In fact, they have a good website which answers questions about their organization much more completely than I could (Hospice).

I appreciate the organization very much.

That being said, I must wander what series of cultural events lead to a situation when the matriarch of a family with eight children needs outside assistance from an organization like Hospice.

It seems to me that not long ago (was it so long ago?) my family existed in the form of a tribe-like clan. Generations of us lived and died in the Appalachian mountains of West Virginia and wherever there was one in need many were there to provide for that need. I remember aunts and uncles and cousins and nephews and nieces in abundance. In fact, the connections were so interwoven that I could not mis-behave at elementary school without the consequence of receiving less that three scoldings or spankings before I completed my walk home at the end of the day.

And yet, now my mother needs the support of a benevolent organization.

The questions screams out to be asked, “Reg, why don’t you take care of your mother?” And the unsatisfying answer is, I am simply too far away. It is a six hour drive from my home and work to where my mother is. No less than three states must be traversed in order for me to reach her. And, sadly, in America, this seems to be the norm.

There have been profound changes in the way American families structure and maintain themselves - and sometimes deconstruct - and those changes have had a profound effect on how our elders spend their declining years. Few adults have had the luxury or good fortune of being able to find and develop gainful employment in the locality in which they grew up. We have found that as a people in order to better ourselves (or in current economic conditions) maintain our standard of living we must be willing to relocate and with relative frequency.

I will again use my own personal experiences as an example. In the small West Virgina community in which I grew up industry had long since moved on. Farming became the marker of a bygone era and drift mining gave way to less expensive strip mining which required a much smaller workforce. The population there has been in a steady decline for generations. As a result I sought out a teaching position in a community some distance away yet within the same state. After several years it became clear that the population there was ebbing and I sought out another position in Florida. After several years there the economic ebb and flow adjusted and I found myself relocating to North Carolina, and it seems I may be moving yet again very soon.

What has this microcosm of my personal experiences to do with the phenomena? Simply this, you can duplicate my experiences with nearly every professional you know. Poll the local public school to find out how many are native to the area. You will be surprised at the result.

As a result many of our parents are “cast adrift” in their time of need.

Here are my struggles. I hope sharing them may prepare you in case you ever find yourself facing this situation.

I had difficulty accepting my feelings. My mother was once a very quick mind. Alzheimer’s and Dementia have robbed her of this. The realization of this is very heavy.

I had difficulty discussing things with others. I experienced a high reluctance to ask enough questions to have a clear understanding of the situation at hand.

There were some mistakes I did not make. I never did things that would undermine my mother’s independence or sense of self confidence. I didn’t make promises I couldn’t keep.

What are your plans for your aging parent? Or, what plans have you made to face you elder years?

Social control through Social Media. That fragment in and of itself is probably all the needs to be communicated when exploring the connections of Social Media to the Choleric temperament. But, never being one to bring forth unguided lilies I shall continue on with our gallant experiment.

Cholerics are utilitarian in goal implementation and excellent at communicating abstract concepts. They are highly adept with strategies and gifted in analysis. There greatest gifts lie in organizing, planning, configuring and practical inventing. They are strong willed and ever in search of greater knowledge. They rely heavily on their own powers of reason and thirst for achievement. Their view of the present is pragmatic, and they are skeptical about the future.

LinkedIn is the Social Media choice for the Choleric. It is utilitarian. They incrementally and methodically add useful features. This allows the Choleric to employ these additions in a appraising manner and determine how to best turn them to his ultimate purpose (and know that Cholerics always have and ultimate purpose).

LinkedIn uses its structured approach to display and individuals experience history, related fields, recent developments, and top locations. Companies often use it to compare prospective resource persons for a project or position. You may also view which companies people come from and with a little mission statement research the influences under which they developed. In addition you can see the “kind of person” the individual has chosen to build connections with.

All in all it is an incredibly useful platform for the Choleric, if not incredibly innovative.

Original article in the series.

flickr image 

In order to truly understand the nature of the Melancholy you must be familiar with the speech of Arestophanes from Plato’s Symposium.

The original human nature was not like the present, but different. The sexes were not two as they are now, but originally three n number; there was man, woman, and the union of the two, of which the name survives but nothing else. Once it was a distinct kind, with a bodily shape and a name of its own, constituted by the union of the male and the female: but now only the word ‘androgynous’ is preserved and that as a term of reproach.

Terrible was their might and strength and the thoughts of their hearts were great, and they made an attack upon the gods; of them is told the tale of Otys and Ephilates who, as Homer says, attempted to scale heaven, and wold have laid hands upon the gods.

So, Zues smote them asunder. Well, of-course those that were singularly male and singularly female died from the wounds right away. But, those which were initially composed of the best of both were strong enough to survive. But, because they were rent apart, they spent the remainder of their existence seeking out that perfect opposite part which would complete them. And such is the origin of the Melancholy. Doomed to ever seek out the one with whom they may achieve perfect intimacy.

Yes, I know I ruthlessly butchered a perfectly beautiful poem. But, hey considering my pathetic understanding of the collected musing of Plato I think I made the point.

Intimacy is the most compelling desire of a true Melancholy. Many, like the split-aparts, will spend their entire lives on a quest for those they believe will be their soul mates.

Because of this the potential Social Media is ever more tantalizing to the Melancholy. They are thoughtful enough to realize that this medium exponentially increases their chances to come into contact with the symbiotic other they are ever seeking.

However, they choose to explore social media in a manner that many do not even consider to be a portion of the spectrum. You will most often find your Melancholies involved in the entertainment realm of social media. They are the role playing gamers who spend hours developing connections with bands of virtual adventurers to overthrow some evil overlord. They will garner millions of points on Pogo as they share of themselves with other online gamers the revealed insecurities of their souls.

To effectively capitalize on the benefits of social media the Melancholy must view it as a mythic adventure designed to bring together those who are destined to connect.

Original article in the series.

If there ever was an arranged marriage that seemed ideally suited it would appear to be Sanguines and Social Media. But, you know, it’s not as perfect as it sounds. Once you get beyond the titles the divergence makes sense too.

Sanguines are all about interacting with people on an up close and personal basis. They need to see your face and touch your hand. They have an underlying compulsion to be with living breathing, carbon based life forms. Now juxtapose that with Social Media. By the very nature (at least at first) Social Media is technology based. You must spend a considerable amount of time building a virtual reality of jungle vine connections. Then you must employ your very best Tarzan/Jane skill set to navigate the highways of the canopy to reach your connection destinations.

You can see how the medium would be a struggle for the sanguine at the early levels of development.

If a Sanguine is to be successful with a Social Media platform it must have one indispensable component. It must be FUN.

No matter what the ultimate pay out of the work investment in building a network, if there is no immediate entertainment value the Sanguine is not interested.

With this information you can see how Sanguines would be more drawn to FaceBook, Flickr, and Showhype than to LinkedIn which is more for professionals who are looking for networking opportunities.

Original article in the series.

I’ve worked on several projects that have been connected in some way to Dr. Ghungsho Zhang. Most of the work has taken the form of his identification of a trend indicated in a numerical analysis and my development of a program to enhance or accommodate for that trend. For example, Dr. Zhang unidentified an over representation of males in discipline referrals and special education referrals in North Carolina. As a result, I developed a series of trainings for teachers which explored how male and female students have natural conduct differences that cannot be addressed in the same ways.

What does that have to do with temperament and social media?

Just this, just because something can be easily measured doesn’t mean it is important. For example, it was easy to measure the cycles of the moon (sunspots, comet proximity, tides, favorite ice cream flavors, etc) when incidents of misbehavior occur but that doesn’t mean the two are connected in any real way.

Again, so what?

That brings us to the numbers of Social Media. It is easy to measure (or at least estimate) the number of users of social media but without knowing the underlying temperament of those measured we will not understand the nature of their use of the medium.

Here are some of the numbers based on a study conducted by Raplief .

Bebo 5,806,867 members
” Bebo is a social media network where friends share their lives and explore great entertainment.”

Blackplanet 1,201,687 members
” BlackPlanet.com is your place to meet and connect with African Americans around the country.”

Classmates 3,051,761 members
“Find a friend or high school alumni from more than 40 million members in over 200000 affiliations at Classmates.com.”

Facebook 5,920,236 members
“An online directory that connects people through social networks at colleges.”

Flickr 2,068,097 members
“Flickr is almost certainly the best online photo management and sharing application in the world.”

Flixter 17,647,399 members
” Flixster is a community for movie fans of all shapes and sizes.”

Friendster 5,260,380 members
“Friendster is focused on helping people stay in touch with friends and discover new people and things that are important to them.”

Hi5 14,679,615 members
“hi5 helps its members stay connected with friends, family and others that are important to them in a simple, fun and safe online environment.”

LinkedIn 841,209 members
“Our mission is to help you be more effective in your daily work and open doors to opportunities using the professional relationships you already have.”

Multiply 1,354,647 members
“Multiply gives you an easy way to share all kinds of digital media, including photos, blogs, videos, music and more, all in one convenient place: your own personal web site.”

MySpace 31,845,954 members
“Create a community on MySpace and you can share photos, journals and interests with your growing network of mutual friends!”

MyYearbook 2,449,251 members
Offers quizzes and a weblog section, as well as videos and free content from CliffsNotes.”

Perfspot 1,159,539 members
“Secure your personal privacy. Find old friends. Have unlimited uploads and much more. For more information, visit us online”

Ringo 9,770,151 members
“Photo and Video Sharing Made Easy”  As you can see Social Media evolves and devolves FAST! Between the time I drafted this article in June and July 6 Ringo went off-line.

Tickle 6,481,601 members
“Tickle is the leading interpersonal media company, providing self-discovery, and social networking services to more than 17 million active members in its community worldwide.”

In each provider the lion’s share of the users are between the ages of 17 and 35. With the major exception being LinkedIn which has is greatest percentage (nearly 25%) of members in the 35-44 year old age bracket.

Still, so what? If you don’t know how these people are using social media to help meet their needs for control, inclusion and affection you really don’t know what is going on here.

Tori Deaux and I are going to try and use this series of articles to explore that concept.

Original article in the series.